PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know…

Salam
may I suggest something stop running after online websites and riahta aunties.

Instead mention age .height. Education. Location financial status in newspaper ad.

Do give ad in Pakistani local newspaper as well even if you don’t want a local Pakistani guy.
Cuse some foreign families rely on local newspapers as well.
Clearly mention your requirements.
clearly mention NO MARRIAGE BUREAU.

In this way only those people will contact you who are serious and OK with your height etc.

May Allah help you.

If you choose to act on my advice and InshaAllah it will work then do dua for me as well.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

I used to be like you. Then I got married. It is not that great, trust me. It is not worth the stress and tension that follows marriage. You should only marry when you find a guy who is extremely wise and God fearing and is financially stable. I really wish that I had enjoyed my single years and had been doing the things I love, instead of crying about finding a rishta. This is coming from someone whose husband is not a bad guy, Alhamdulilah. But it still comes with a lot of stress. I just want you to put in your mind that you are not missing anything that great.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

Live your life girl, always pursue your interests. The one thing I regret is wasting so much time in self-pity. It doesn't bring a rishta closer and in fact if anything, it drives potential people away.

Be brilliant, smart, pursue your interests. Do what YOU want with your life, now is your time. I look back and think whether I could accomplish what I did in my 20's now in my 30's, and the answer is a flat no. I don't have 50% of the energy and motivation I had back then. 20's are your time to build your life and future.

Start planning for a future in the event you don't marry. You need a financial back up plan. A job, a retirement plan, etc. Build skills. Be on your own feet. If you're already there, great, then keep building yourself up more. Sky is the limit. Be marketable in this ever competetive market.

And with all the work you will do, you will meet so many people along the way, and many of them normal great guys. It's still a man's world, and if you want to meet a man, you need to participate in the man's world, and you'll meet so many men.

And if you're confident and happy, you will attract them like flies on honey. But if you wallow in self-pity and are upset with yourself, you wont.

Tried and true advice: You find a guy when you start loving yourself --> men like confidence.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

do not let your self esteem suffer because of this and give in to this feeling of desperation. This is a very crucial time for you to stay strong and not rush into anything just because you are feeling that rejection from losers that didn't deserve you anyways. Imagine rushing into a rishta and then realizing the guy is far from right for you. I'm kind of in the same position as you right now. There's this guy that is nice and seems kind from the two times I spoke with him in person but since i'm in recovery mode right now and plus he emails 5 times a day, calls twice even if I don't respond often, he seems a bit obsessive which freaks me out, i'm not going to rush it or get involved in something that deep down I don't want since I feel zilch attraction to him. He was talking about having visa problems too so that just seems like he just wants to get together for.......okay i'll say what i'm thinking green card. I met with him twice and I tried really hard to talk to him in person but i feel nothing for him, no emotional connection. I feel like I should or i'm being silly to give attraction importance.

I'm still not rushing in or giving in to desperation.

I agree with Sadia and some of the others in that keep going with the rishta searching and let as many people know that you are looking(rishta aunties, family members you trust) but stay strong and don't rush it.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

i wouldnt do it speaking from experience. It is not worth it.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

@bookworm - this is really interesting to hear. I have married friends who say the exact same thing. Maybe you had more of a fantasy view of marriage?

But I really appreciate your attempt at making me see the bigger picture, it does help. And its far better than having to hear from girls who act like your a loser and they are somehow better because they have a "hubby" (ok perhaps im a little paranoid)

@globalgal I get how you feel. I was introduced to a potential rishta and although he was amazing in terms of job, family, house etc. He was not at all attractive. Dont get me wrong im not that shallow. But in addition in to that, i felt no attraction or connection to him at all. Yet HE was being really clingy how you describe. Anyway as u no im feeling pretty desperate so i convinced myself attraction wasnt important etc. But i was in a real dilemma because I remember i didnt even enjoy talking to him. I forced myself though. In the end he turned out to be pretty sleazy..messaging me pervy things which i did not appreciate. If he hadnt of been though i probably would have married him and just prayed that the connection would grow- which im sure it would, after all we know plenty of arranged marriages have started like this...and if the alternative is to just sit on the shelf then....

one thing i did do was pray to Allah that if he wasn't right for me than please let him leave my life soon. This should give you some confidence...

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

@pyaricgudia...thats actually some great advice about it being a mans world...i like it! You should write motivational books! 👍

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

Awww sweetheart! You made me sad after reading this. The right man will come, Allah ke han dair hai andher nahi.

I don't think i had any rishtas when i was in my 20s. i didnt care and neither did my ammi. (or perhaps she didn't show it ). i used to tell my self that 100 rishtey hon ya 1 , shadi to aik se hi karni hai .

The right guy came when it was the right time for me. I never despaired, neither should you.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

Doesn't matter if his resume looks great, if you're not attracted to the guy, don't marry him. Men retain the right to reject women based on physical attraction, why should you be any different.

Resumes are for jobs and bosses to look at, not a woman. The minute desi women figure that out, maybe there will be happier marriages out there instead of convenient business arrangements.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

It isn't necessarily about having a fantasy view etc. It is about not fretting and worrying excessively. Living through this phase, your single years etc nicely and not rushing into things whether how successful one's marriage turns out to be in future or not. And not making your present miserable out of worries only to realize later how wrong you were and how blessed you were back then.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

You are just awesome.... I second all of that.... Here is the cherry on the top, you also earn people's respect too!

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know…

I can co-author with my life experiences :snooty:

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

This is someone you will live the rest of your life with. A life partner. Of course self improvements to make yourself into a person that you love is most important but remember that when you do get married this other person you will live life with will be staring at those issues we have with ourselves so that desperation, impatience, being messy, be unorganized all of those self esteem issues will be stared at by you and that other person. I'm working on all those issues that I see in myself as ones that are self goals or ones that need self improvement so I can gain that confidence in myself so I won't feel that just any jerk guy will do.

I defo don't want to end up with someone that is my complete opposite in every way and has qualities that raise scary red flags. Then you add in marrying the in laws too. I would have to make sure they are ones that will treat me and my family right. I'd rather stay single then to go through that torture if it isn't right at all. Allah will bring that person in our lives when we start loving ourselves and become the people that we want to be ones that have reached our goals in life and are happy with ourselves. Enjoy my single life to the fullest so I have no regrets. I'm doing everything that I wouldn't be able to do if I was married. We just need to chug along. Be happy for your friends that have found their life partners because then they will be just as happy when you find someone spectacular. Say no to self pity and desperation.

Like tranquil said, the right person will come when it's the right time.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

It must be very hard for your mother, but you must remain her source of determination. It's hard anyways to find a marriage proposal, let alone a suitable one, for both boys and girls so you are not alone.

Try to interact with the people socially, go to social gatherings that you and your mother can easily attend. Trusting too much on rishta aunties and even online websites is not a good idea. For some these avenues work like charm and for others it takes ages. Most of the aunties are only interested in taking their fee and don't care what happens to their clients. There was a thread here where a rishta aunty would take her fee and then ask the parents to wait for her call about a suitable match and then she never called.

The best solution is to use all possible avenues: rishta aunties, online website, friends & family circle, social gatherings, even talk to someone at local Islamic center.

And you should be thankful if someone backs out now because of idiotic reasons (height, complexion), its better to take it now than suffer after the marriage.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

True!

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

I agree with you. How come people of our parents generation married people that they might not have been attracted to but were highly educated or had other characteristics that outweighed that. This particular person is a post doc, very religiously knowledgeable he studied it for years but I feel absolutely no attraction to him. I tried again to meet with him and talk. Since he keeps emailing me even if i said so many times I would prefer to have some time to myself and time to think things over and that I will email him if I feel better about it and for him to not email. Is that wrong to say? He has had visa issues and he's been in this country for a few years now. He seems nice and he's always offering to help me with anything.

I don't think i'll be very good at marriage. I like my family members because they are incredibly nice people and I mean being attracted to a spouse and wanting that is such a small issue. life partners are about more than the physical.

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

Hiiii,

Don't worry. I am in the same position as you. I've just turned 27 and I'm from Leeds.

It makes me so sad as most of my friends are married or getting married and I don't have much of a social life. I don't have much family anyway :(. Part of me wants to get married for the companionship and having someone to do things with and someone just being there for me.

I've got a great job, 5ft6, I can cook, never dated, been told I'm pretty etc but I'm sat here with low self-esteem because I think, something must be wrong with me!

I turned quite a few good looking educated nice guys at university because I wasn't into dating and just wanted to concentrate on my studies.

Oh how I regret that. Now I don't come into contact with any Pakistani men :(.

You are not alone. May Allah swt find us both suitable lovely men inshaAllah.

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Aameen

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Re: PLEASE give me the number for any rishta aunty/lady you know....

Don't lower your self-esteem! Insha Allah, you guys will find good men. Acchay kamoo mein dayir lagthi hai.... Don't worry too much. He is already written in your destiny :)