I’d like to think that I dont gossip that much, but if I face reality, the fact is that I do participate in it every now and then.
The problem I am having is that, eventhough I try not to participate in it by not initiating it when talking to others, other people will start gossiping and then I seem to get pulled into it.
I dont really know what to say at that point. Is listening to gossip just as bad as participating in it or speaking about it? One of my brothers friends who is deeply religious, often tells anyone sitting with him that starts to gossip to please not lead him into conversation that will lead him into the Hellfire. Or he will say something like, please dont ask me to participate in eating the flesh of that person (as the Qur’an says backbiting is like eating the flesh). He literally says something like that, and my brother said it works, that people stop gossiping when he says that to them. However, I do not wish to take that approach.
What is a nice way of telling people that you dont want to participate in their gossip? Like lets say they are an acquaintance? What if its a friend and according to the friend she is just seeking advice, but according to you, she is gossiping? How do you tell her without hurting her feelings, that you dont want to participate in the conversation? I am really finding this very difficult because I dont like to be rude to anyone. afsoos
I often find myself getting involved w/ gossip esp. if I go out with friends for lunch during work hours. To me that is unavoidable unfortunately :(
But when my mother or other aunties start talking about other people, I just walk out of the room.
If your friend is asking for advice and you think she is gossiping, I would ask her to state the facts and not give it her own twist. Try to be firm about it and tell her that you're not fond of gossip. If she takes offense to that then so be it.
Also if you know the person she is talking about, if she cannot stop talking rudely about them, you can say something nice about them in return. Just my POV, but I like to think that it cancels out some of the 'gheebat' that is going on :)
If someone is obviously gossiping and wants you to be a part of it, just smile sweetly and say, "Let's talk about something else. My what a nice blouse you're wearing today. The colour really becomes you."
The message will get through and you will not have to displease anyone.
Guys, im interested to know what you classify as GOSSIP ???
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I guess talking about or discussing something that's really none of your business..usually starts out as something harmless and ends up being extremely toxic to the subject discussed.
What’s wrong with you people? Gossip is fun. How can you live without gossip? People who think kay ji yay nahi karna chahiyay aur woh nahi karna chahiyay spend way too much time thinking instead of living.
The people I hate even more are the ones who pretend they don;t know anything and keep asking you about others and leading you on...the gossip collectors who pretend to be all innocent!
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*Originally posted by Femme Fatale: *
The people I hate even more are the ones who pretend they don;t know anything and keep asking you about others and leading you on...the gossip collectors who pretend to be all innocent!
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True, but one should try to refrain when they know things about other people. Although I myself have been guilty of divulging on occassion. sigh
I think its better to refrain from gossip, even if others think I am being uptight. grin
Ohh ya it also happen to me right now.
Coz my chachi dont like my sis in law and actually
i also dont like my sis in law but sometime's my chachi
come to my house and sit and drink thea, thats ok coz
she is my chachi. But when she sit then she start to
gossip about my sis in law and then i really dont know
what to say then i only say hmmm yes no hmmm something
like that. And in my head i think Ohh God let this stop!
It's not easy tellin someone to stop with that gossip.
Coz i read in de Quran my self that if u gossip ur tongue will
burn haan kabhi kabhi to my gossip karti hoon with my friend
about my sis in law but not that much like my family.
I feel very sorry that they talk to much about others.
Lekin kya karein??
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*Originally posted by Nilu: *
And in my head i think Ohh God let this stop!
It's not easy tellin someone to stop with that gossip.
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I often think similarly in my head. Ke please change the topic, lekin it rarely happens. I think I am going to try what Muzna said and perhaps some other things, like looking distracted or something and then maybe the person will realize I want to change the subject. Or maybe I can sound really disinterested in the topic. hehe. Will see what happens, insha'Allah.
When my bhai notices I am starting to gossip he will say, Munni, lets not talk about this because it isnt good to talk about someone like that. And it works, but this is difficult to say to someone who isnt family.
I think sometimes you need to mention situations to attain clarity (not backbite), but when doing so, it should be kept anonymous so that nobody knows who you are talking about, and focus should maintain on what you are seeking clarity about. (Like many of the posts in L&R.)
When my bhai notices I am starting to gossip he will say, Munni, lets not talk about this because it isnt good to talk about someone like that. And it works, but this is difficult to say to someone who isnt family.
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When Im with my close friends we just say something like 'Lets not talk about it' or 'Lets not talk about him'. We all sort of get it and just change the subject.
If its my mum I just say it blatenly, that its gossip and not allowed. But the problem seems to be more common amongst women and luckily I dont have to sit with them when any visit.
Sometimes though the problem is people (myself included) dont realise they are gossiping about someone, times like that it can be hard to stop it.
