cutie1
July 15, 2010, 3:33pm
10
You were a teenager when you first heard of your parents’ plans to get you married off to your cousin. Despite being aware of your feelings about the rishta, the reason your parents didn’t give up is because they thought, “Oh she’s young and naive right now…when she grows older, she may change her mind.”
I don’t think that there is anything Islamically wrong with a mature woman to be actively looking for a rishta via matrimonial sites or other resources. It’s not a gunnah…it’s not like you’d say yes to the proposal without having both families talk. The reason why you’re parents feel “embarrassed” is because they think it makes a girl look “desperate” if she goes about the search by herself and that it reflects as a lack of involvement on the parents’ part.
You’re an adult woman (not a child). That said, you should sit down with your parents and ask them why they want to marry your cousin and then calmly counter their arguments (that there isn’t a 100% guarantee that a cousin would make a good spouse, etc). Ask them if it makes them happy to force a rishta on you…which could be hurt you/your cousin/both of your families. Tell them what you want qualities you want in a guy…explain why you don’t like your cousin. Counter their points. Get over this “guilt trip” that they’re giving you over the matrimonial site…and be more proactive in talking to your parents. Is there trusted family member (aunt/uncle/grandparent) that could reason with your parents on your behalf?
When was the last time you met your cousin? Are you averse to “cousin” marriages in general or just his personality? If you’re not…and if you haven’t interacted with him in ages…would you consider getting to know him to see if he’s compatible? He may have changed. Perhaps the consideration might calm your parents down a bit. And of course, if you don’t like him…stick to your decision.
Tell your cousin that you don’t want to marry him (see you as a brother…nothing else, bla bla etc). And DO NOT allow your parents to give your cousin’s parents the false idea that you’re okay with the rishta. Be respectfully but firmly vocal and let his parents know that you’re not interested. By all means…respectfull voice your disapproval…whilst sitting with your relatives in the living room in Pak. How much clearer can you get? Your parents will be upset…they won’t disown you. And hopefully his parents will have some self-respect and won’t hitch their son to a girl that’s not interested.
I met my cousin around 8-9 months ago.I have tried liking him, but I don’t know why,whenever he would come around, I become sure of this fact that,I don’t like him.
Yes, my parents say it’s like a ‘‘Bes******’’ on my part to try to search for someone my own.Is it such a bad thing?That’s what makes me feel guilty about all this.