What to do when close relatives play favorites with your children?
This breaks my heart. All 3 of my boys are so very lovable in their own little ways. I love all 3 equally but differently, they each get the love they need (I hope). But when a close relative (like my mother) plays favorite with one, makes another out to be a little beast and just tolerates the third, I see red.
Its to the point that I wont ask her to come over to help me. I could use a hand at the moment because I’ve been suffering a horrible stomach bug, lost 15 pounds since friday and feel faint when I stand up and the boys are going thru it now too. So if ever I could use help, its now. But I didnt ask her to come, she’s too mean and selective with her favorite. He can do NO wrong. The other 2 she either barely tolerates or is plain mean to. I told my hubby to shoot me if I ever turn into a mean old thing like that. And I mean it.
Anyone else on this particular boat? How to handle?
15 pounds since friday? That is worrying !!!! Take care of yourself, and go to a doc if it doesn't improve. That is far too much weight to lose in a few days !!!
Talk to your mother, however there is not much else you can do.
the eldest one made her a granny, right? and the youngest are the most annoying anyways..
i'm the middle child in my family and though i know my folks would have a banner around their front yard saying 'we love all of our annoying kids equally' its still different when it comes to my older bro.. and my youngest bro...
if it really gets to you that bad.. tell the granny (break her poor old heart) and have a guilt free conscience... but then after raising her own kids, give the lady a break and let her spoil who ever she wishes.. after all, your the parent, not her...
I am so suprised how many people here think, MO3 should ignore her mother's behaviour. A child's brain is just like a sponge. They will absorb any think that happens in their lives and who knows what effect this might have on them. How would you explain to them why the grandma likes sibling no 1 but not 2?? What could possibly justify the situation to a lil kid? I would say try gently talking to the grandma. I know no matter how my mother plays favorites with my brother (and not the rest of us) , she does not let anyone else do it in the family. I hope that made sense.
I think Ira is right here.. as much as granny might be excited about her first grand child she shouldn't create this sort of environment.. its very important.. it does effect the childs behaviour.. and no by telling her she is not going to break her heart ..
parents ki respect aik cheez lekin when ur parents are making mistake its ur job to correct them..
So far I was have fortunate in that my son was the only grandchild on both sides of the family, so playing favourites has never arisen. Although I am due to become an aunt soon and I am preparing myself for the inevitable situation whereby my stepmother and father will favour my neice/nephew more.
Trust me it doesn't matter, as long as the parents are impartial. That's all that counts. I am sure there will be plenty of other relatives who will not follow the same pattern as your mother. The kids will grow up healthily fighting over who likes whom best. But if all other relatives are playing favorites in the same pattern as your mom (sometimes happens, if one of the kids is a little different), then that is cause for alarm.
Granny's are a blessing but at times can become a real pain, I totally agree and empathize with u MO3. I have two and being part of a large family encounter many a situation where grannies are at the center of controversy. How do u handle such situations? Well, there is no single universal solution, you have to make judgements from situation to situation. What is universal, grannies are a rare commodity, you can have only two at the most and we dont know how long they will stay around. Iam a firm believer in their positive influence on kids, we all sud try and be accomodative to their needs. Our religion also preaches patience and affection towards parents.
It does matter actually. I have two little cousins. One is 4 and the other one has just turned 1. Most of us cousins pay more attention to the little one and spend more time playing with her than the 4 year old and from what we’ve been told, it has affected her. Therefore, we now try to balance it out even though the 4 year old is quite a brat, which is part of the reason why we often tend to ignore her.
Its very difficult not to have favourites...i have favourite cousins and it shows...its not a deliberate thing...but naturally i will spend more time playing with her than say her brother...i cant help that...its just she happens to be a favourite...i dont treat her brother badly...i just dont treat him as well...
If your grandmother happens to treat this grandchild better its not something you can have a go at her for...we all have our favourites...i think the issue is more to do that she doesnt show any affection towards the other two and the way you suggested is she dislikes the middle one...you should just tell your mother to be nicer to her grandchildren...its not acceptable for her to be horrible to any child...but you cant have a go at her for liking a particular grandchild...we all have our favourites...
