Seeing the recent threads here, I wonder if we’re losing the spontaneity and variety that makes Pakistani weddings so fun. These days it seems we want nothing left as a surprise. Clothes, engagement ring, jewelry, spouse’s clothes, hall decor, the flower necklaces put on us from the other side, what people will say to us when the congratulate us, what we’re supposed to say in response, etc.
Are we going too far? Are we losing the charm of natural and spontaneous interactions?
Was there wisdom in past generations where the bride and groom did little of the decision-making?
yeah u r rite in a way it was kinda cute tht the bride and groom were least involved it was all so innocent then....but coming along with time things have changed many of us dont like to wear even clothes of daily wear from anyone else's choice ....a wedding dress is so much more important then that now! its all because of the businesses tht we have become so concious abt materialistic things....I believe its ok to some extend
well i don't know about that- there's something weird about attending your own wedding when you haven't even had a say in anything- from deciding the date to who's attending to what you're wearing. but then in the olden days, you didnt get much choice in who you married either and thats pretty much the biggest decision of your life, so planning a wedding is very minor and i honestly think thats why brides and grooms in ye olde days didn't plan their own weddings.
personally, i think thats a bit much. its like, yes, we're considered mature enough to get married but not mature enough to at least participate in these decisions regarding our wedding. where does the line end, then? are people also going to be planning your household and family for you? to me, marriage is the beginning of a new phase of your life - and honestly, planning a wedding will put the couple and their families through enough stress to be able to give them all a clear indication of how the couple will deal with each other, each other's families, finances, decision-making, etc... in their future lives! as i'm sure many brides on GS can attest, it can get very intense. and no, it doesn't mean the bride and groom should get off scot-free while their parents stress for them. thats just unfair :p
i think the charm of a wedding lies in the meaning behind it- that the couple is getting married and pledging to spend their lives together. the rest of it is hoopla and pretty-making, and its a lot of fun, but where i have a problem is when the event becomes bigger than the significance of the day. when brides are more concerned with having bigger receptions and tiny little nikkah's is where its weird to me- after all, isn't the nikkah the *actual *event? the reception is just the party to celebrate it.
as for what people will say and how we'll respond, wth?? i've never heard of that! THAT is going too far! how can you control what people will say to you??
I agree, SGC. We shouldn't give up all the control over it. Important details (like the man :D) should be decided by us. I guess I worry when brides and grooms want all of the details addressed in a very specific way (theirs) and then get overwhelmed by making everything happen just so and lose sight of the big picture in the process.
I also agree with you about the nikkah vs. reception thing, though I think that for some people they ARE honoring the nikkah by having a small one with just those important friends and family that make it meaningful.
^ yes, thats very true re: nikkah for some folks... but sometimes i find its not given enough precedence... its like a cost-cutting feature- oh just have a small nikkah in the morning and get it over with and save the budget and the hoopla for the reception which is the real event. i think in the end brides especially need a really good friend or relative in their life who will help them keep their perspective during the whole planning process, and sort out what details really are worth the money and which ones can be let go without compromising too much. i seriously think without my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids/bff's by my side, i would have completely lost my mind planning the day, and also on the actual day. yay for best friends! :)
Things were alot simpler back then. you didn't choose ur own spouse so who cared abt the wedding? Even my mom was saying that back then girls don't talk about their wedding, even their dresses etc... In my case, i chose the guy and errr that's about it, everyone else chose everything else and some choices were good and some choices, well i think i coulda done better.. but whatever..im still trying to get over the stupid stuff lol (ironically it's only when i spend too much time in this forum that i feel really bad).. ummmm yeah i think im just rambling now.... :D
i agree with you aswell. Now I look at the lengha of today and their are amazing. Like my sister has got her wedding and valima lengah from pakistan and they are both gorgeous from her jewellery down to her shoes...I wish I could wear something like that on my wedding but i had little choice:(
I agree with SGC.. I think when the bride and groom are more involved in the planning process, it's a nice way for them and the families to bond as well. Like, picking out outfits together or decoration.. :)
