Would you like to have a picky spouse who seeks improvements by pointing out even those things which in your view might be your minor unharmful bad habbits, but he sincerely doesn’t want to see them in you, because of his intense love for you.
OR
A one who lets you live your life in your own way, by only focusing on the good aspects of your personality and ignoring anything about you that might make him uncomfortable (or make him judge your personality), because he loves you so much that he doesn’t want to let anything enter his mind that might cause a bad impression of you (even though such life might have some minor flaws regarding which you don’t really care to give a thought to) ?
Quite frankly, I don't think either is a good choice. If my spouse wants me to change certain things about myself, he needs to discuss it with me. If the change requires something that is a very big part of who I am, and my identity, then he's going to need to work out a compromise with me. And the same goes for me and aspects of his behavior/habits that I don't like. I don't want a nagging, overwhelming spouse; I am my own person. On the other hand I don't want a spouse who will turn a blind eye to my faults and not bring up the issue with me. It's a contract of compromise and cooperation. We are married for a reason, to help each other attain goals and create a good life together, and as such, there's got to be give and take.
^ Well said. As we know that in most cases a spouse can't keep a perfect balance between the two. So, If one has to choose a case where either of the two is a bit more than the other, than which one would you prefer to choose ?
^ Well said. As we know that in most cases a spouse can't keep a perfect balance between the two. So, If one has to choose a case where either of the two is a bit more than the other, than which one would you prefer to choose ?
If i HAD to chose, i think i would choose the picky one. I want him to tell me what annoying habits he doesnt like about me. Life is about a learning curve and we are learning every day. If he doesnt like something about me, i will talk about it and try to change.
But otherwise, i totally agree with Syani - well said!
I want a care free spouse who just lets me be! Do what i want, dress the way i want, act the way I want...and if he sees an issue with it...then he should turn away and pretend he can't see me :)
^ would u really want that? wouldnt he be hiding his true feelings about certain matters from you if he did this?
I would want my partner to tell me how he feels about certain things .....like if he doesnt want me to go out somewhere or if he doesnt like what I am wearing, i would even want him to point out my flaws....BUT if he does this he has to say it in a loving and caring way and he must back it up with some logic....not just say dont do this because i dont like it!
Prefering positive picky partner = Temporarily puting yourself in hardships/ patience for your own good, also developing good understanding and relationship with him/her.
Prefering carefree partner = Temporarily enjoying your life along with related flaws with slow increase in distances, with less understanding of each others. And also cementing minor bad habbits
a partner who knows and understands we all have flaws...and doesnt make it an issue...is wise..
we dont live in a perfect world...understanding the bigger picture and letting our partner know what makes us unhappy AND happy..but with love and respect....so we find comfort in each other...and not consider it our DUTY to "correct'......sometimes one leads and the other follows...and at times..its the other way around...
humble imagination: picky spouse is picky because he or she is incapable to apreciate the good qualities of the other spouse, either due to a sense of self grandeur or due to being unable to see the other spouse as a life partner.
the quality of relationship can actualy bring positive changes if both are able to gradually convince each other of the things they think are good.
but they have to be good for the person of the spouse and not imposed as good, because of an expectation to totally change for the other spouse.
great are those couples who 'can' and maintain appreciating each other as a whole and not get themselves to begin disliking each other or when one dislikes the other unfairly due to being poisoned against the spouse.
Dushwari
Ok let me repeat what I said ealier about picky partner.
Would you like to have a picky spouse who seeks improvements by pointing out even those things which in your view might be your minor unharmful bad habbits, but he sincerely doesn't want to see them in you, because of his intense love for you
So it is not necessary that picky spouse is picky because he is unable to appreciate the good qualities of his spouse. As I said may be he wants positive improvements, but I do agree that all his positive and sincere intentions are useless if he HIMSELF doesn't act upon them and if he HIMSELF doesn't except positive criticism (Same goes for women)
^ I agree that a person shouldn't be too picky to the extant that he becomes a head ache, BUT the partner should also be sensable enough to not give him alot of chances with a lazy attitude. Because that might create an impression that he/she doesn't care much about the "right" requests of his/her spouse.
If I absolutely HAD to choose, I would say picky spouse who voices his opinons. Here's my argument, and why I would choose the picky one. No matter how much we may love a person, we are not mind-readers. If my spouse did not like an aspect of my behavior, but did not tell me, eventually his complacency would build into resentment. And eventually that resentment would ruin our marriage because there was a lack of communication and cooperation from the beginning of our marriage. Love, and our partners that we love, are absolutely PERFECT during the first year of marriage. It's after that year, when the reality starts, that those little 'quirks' we thought were so cute in the beginning of the relationship become downright grating. That is also when the real task of marriage, and what that word really means, begins. It is then that I would really want my husband to openly discuss with me what bothers him, so I can try to find a solution with him. If he stays quiet, and doesn't tell me, in the long-term, it harms us both. I continue with my habits, and he continues to get angry with my behavior. He doesn't tell me, and his anger builds and builds inside him, locked up and unable to be addressed. One day this anger WILL (and I guarantee, it WILL be bad) turn into resentment, and he will begin to hate me, and honestly, our marriage will be on the road to either divorce, or a lifetime of unhappiness. In my opinion (and this is my simple humble opinion) a marriage really begins when the differences are pointed out, discussed, and compromises reached that maintain the goals of the married couple and their future happiness together. Love is not about imposing oneself upon the spouse, but rather accepting the strengths and weaknesses and working through them to secure a successful and happy future together, through the good times and the bad.
understanding the bigger picture and letting our partner know what makes us unhappy AND happy..but with love and respect....so we find comfort in each other....sometimes one leads and the other follows...and at times..its the other way around...
Love is not about imposing oneself upon the spouse, but rather accepting the strengths and weaknesses and working through them to secure a successful and happy future together, through the good times and the bad.
Im into challenges. Love to renew and evolve myself, so Id go for the positively picky spouse.
The carefree is not my cup of tea. I regard them as being too cold or should I say cunning? They will avoid conflicts at any price.
The truth is, changes happens with time. Cutting edges and growing in a relationship takes patience. Rome was not built in one day. Likings or dislikings should be said with a soft and loving tone. Like an open question, if possible. Make your partner believe, they figured it out on their own, if possible. Sense of humour is also a forceful tool. It breaks the ice and also doesnt hurt the fragile ego......
Make your partner believe, they figured it out on their own, if possible. Sense of humour is also a forceful tool. It breaks the ice and also doesnt hurt the fragile ego......
good sustained humor is definitely a good thing to have and humor with a sound awning for care is the best. the tongue in cheek honesty with which you say things to your partner and s/he takes them as such can prove to be really fortifying for the relationship.
Dushwari
Frankly, I don't care whether she is picky or carefree as long as she supports me at the end of the day. I am not marrying anyone to change their personality.