I have a friend who is engaged to her cousin. They have been engaged for more than 2 years. The first year was pretty good.
In the 2nd year the guy had an affaire with an indian girl (a whole year they were having an affair).
THis guy denies everything at first, after she shows him the proof he told her that he is dating that girl for a year now. HE was never serious abt that girl.
he told that they never have a physical relation (sex).Would you believe it?
My question especially to the guys, if you date a girl for so long and you
do not have the intention to marry her, why do date, and how far does the relation physically?
i would leave him..wether he had physical relation or not..he still cheated on his fiance..so there are chances that he may repeat the same thing again after marriage...
In my opinion CHEATING takes place from the very MOMENT that you **DELIBERATELY **decide to interact with another person (who is not your partner) in a romantic manner. It certainly doesn't have to go as far as sex. Your neeyat determines your actions. And if your neeyat is wrong, then ALL ACTIONS are wrong (internet/phone conversations, meeting up at places, intentional flirting, buying gifts, etc). I don't understand why sexual relations should be the deal breaker. Finding the answer to this question is not going to undo your partner's motives or intentions or change the facts.
What about all the things that led up to the sex? Should they be dismissed? You're guilty from the get-go. Tell your friend that she needs to save herself the time and energy and not even bother with this question. He has broken her trust, and from now on she's gonna have a hard time believing in anything that he says.
Don't want to stereotype, but I've read quite a few stores of messed up cousin-marriages. It's sad. You'd think that your own kin would treat you better.
Perhaps there relationship was based on intellectual progress..... hmmm.. I doubt it... although I don't like passing judgement on others without knowing the full facts.... but this case... I think the girl is better off, leaving him...
I have a friend who is engaged to her cousin. They have been engaged for more than 2 years. The first year was pretty good.
In the 2nd year the guy had an affaire with an indian girl (a whole year they were having an affair).
THis guy denies everything at first, after she shows him the proof he told her that he is dating that girl for a year now. HE was never serious abt that girl.
he told that they never have a physical relation (sex).Would you believe it?
**
My question especially to the guys, if you date a girl for so long and you
do not have the intention to marry her, why do date, and how far does the relation physically?**
Leave him - it is completely unforgivable and inappropriate a fiance to get involved with another girl.
He dates a girl for a YEAR and you (or he) says it wasn't serious????? Give me a break. It was serious. And in my opinion, even if my fiance took another girl on a DATE - thats it ...done. There is a clear display of complete disrespect. And I would never tolerate it.... and heck.. if my parents knew they would never tolerate it either. It is a huge red flag that the guy has issues and definitely is NOT ready to get married right now. And because he broke my trust, I would probably always have issues trusting him... and my parents as well - so there would be no reason for the rishtaa to continue. This may be harsh ... but this is my opinion.
Your friends fiance seems like a guy of weak nature... he is not a kid and knows right from wrong ..and yet he still chooses wrong. It's pathetic and inexusable. He obviously does not value relationships that strongly and does not think that his actions have the consequences of hurting a lot of people. He disrespected her, her parents, and HIS OWN parents by doing this. She should walk away from him and be glad she is only engaged to him and not married to him.
Also - first the guy denies everything at first and only admits the truth after being shown the proof??? How can one even believe anything that comes out of his mouth after that??? He wasn’t even man enough to admit to the truth First he denies everything and once he is caught he denies having a physical relationship. ??? U guys should realize there is a pattern…
My fiance always says this: most guys that have no intention to marry a girl usually only date her for ass … aka “physical relations”. A guy that has intentions to marry a girl has a level of respect for the girl as well. But if both the girl and guy are just in it to have “fun”… well what do you think this “fun” is??? I mean… tell your friend not to be naive about this…
It doesn't matter if he banged her. It doesn't matter if he dated her for one whole year, or one whole week, or one whole day. Doesn't change the fact that he cheated on her. Doesn't change the fact that he WILLINGLY decided to ignore that teeny tiny little voice emanating from the depths of his soul that told him not to be a jerk to his wife.
I'll tell you what's happening here, Saima. Your friend is asking herself if he slept with his mistress because she's subconsciously trying to find some justification to STILL STAY MARRIED TO HIM. In her head, she's probably trying to convince herself that "Oh, if he didn't have sex with her, then that means that the situation isn't too bad. If he didn't have sex, then that means he's not too serious about her and our marriage isn't so bad."
More power to her if she can manage to forgive him, analyze the marriage to see what it is lacking, and start fresh with him. I don't think I could do it. It's a real hitter to the self-esteem as the thought of his infidelity has the potential to nag at you every time you see him.
I have a friend who is engaged to her cousin. They have been engaged for more than 2 years. The first year was pretty good.
In the 2nd year the guy had an affaire with an indian girl (a whole year they were having an affair).
THis guy denies everything at first, after she shows him the proof he told her that he is dating that girl for a year now. HE was never serious abt that girl.
he told that they never have a physical relation (sex).Would you believe it?
My question especially to the guys, if you date a girl for so long and you
do not have the intention to marry her, why do date, and how far does the relation physically?
Would you forgive him or leave him?
Oh just leave him. He's engaged and still feels the need to have an affair...so really what's the point. He's probably not ready for a committment.
If he cant get through an engagement period without getting ants in his pants...then marriage is out of the question.
Leave and dont look back.
Men who are forgiven cheat again and again knowing their wives are too weak to walk away from them.
Allah swt has shown her something before marriage and has BLESSED her!!! Many women never know, at least she knows now. If she still marries him, she will be the only one to blame.
I know of a girl personally who's fiance cheated on her before marriage...during the engagement. We - my friends and I - took pictures and even showed the girl. She somehow allowed herself to get talked into marrying his sorry a** - he apologized profusely after being confronted.
He cheated on her 6 times after marriage. She has no one to blame but herself.
P.S SAMIA as a guy i would advise your friend to call it off, since the guy did this while being engaged, so all the more reasons to even do such a thing after marriage, and saying he wasnt serious about the girl then what was hee doing, getting free SEX cuz he couldnt get it from his fiance before marriage
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Would you forgive him or leave him?
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In spite of all the advices that every one gave (that have all the moral and ethical justifications), I still think that the couple (at least the girl) should be the one making the decsion whether to remain together or not.
According to all these references below it is NOT true that once a cheater is always a cheater . It might be a good saying that rhymes too , but factually it is far from reality . People tend to learn from their mistakes and usually their relationship gets stronger than weaker .
My suggestion is to try to judge his personality a bit better and make a wise decision . We are humans not monkeys . We are all different .
First he denies everything and once he is caught he denies having a physical relationship. ??? U guys should realize there is a pattern…
