Okay, shoot me for this, but this is something which i want to know:
Physical intimacy is possible without love?
Why do you ask that when you KNOW it's possible. C'mon Pinkyy......you're not that naive are you? I think you know that it happens....but maybe you'd like to hear some comforting words that would negate its existence completely. I'm sure you've heard of examples of one-night stands......how much "love" is in such a situation? And no, I'm not equating marriage with a one night stand...I only used that example to show that emotional intimacy is not always present. Men and women view sex differently. A guy doesn't have to be in love to have sex.....and it's possible that for your cousins it's more of a physical fulfillment....and their wives go along because they too have their physical needs and figure that it's better to meet them than to risk having their abusive husbands leave them. And no...I'm not saying that ALL husbands/guys are like that....many do have an emotional connection with their SO. But again, it does happen that the "emotional connection" is not there or is not mutual for some people.
It could even be that your cousins are much nicer to their wives in private than they are in front of the family. Some guys (not all) have hang-ups about showing affection or even respect to their wives before others. You're not with them 24/7, so it's hard to determine the state of their marriage and feelings for one another.
But um...yah...it DOES happen and you know that. Quit being naive.
i don't consider myself naive and I think it's a valid question. There is a difference in a marriage and one-night stands and paying for sex.
This whole concept is beyond me. I know someone who is still awkward with her husband everywhere. Never have proper conversations, but there sure was a baby right after 9 months.
^If you're indirectly referring to my post Philosophy....then I've already mentioned in my post that there is a difference between a one-night stand and a marriage. I used the former example to show that emotional intimacy is not always there during sex....that this "phenomenon" DOES exist....as the OP was asking whether or not it was possible.
Sure, the question is valid. But I personally consider it a naive one (and that's just my opinion.....and you are entitled to yours) because surely a person hears examples of marital rape, of one-night stands, of girls being used for sex, etc. Just a refelction on these examples indicate that emotional intimacy is not always present. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone.....as there ARE couples who do have a more healthy sex life....but again, what the OP is asking about DOES occur.
Airplanes have a term V1 and that is a speed which, once attained, aircraft should take off no matter what, sex have a V1 point. reaching to that point might be hard and could be avoided but once at V1, things can not be rolled back, hence kids.
i know it is for me too, divorce was never in my vocabulary, i never believed in it b4 but ive seen some pretty horrible stuff in my life and now i do see why it is necessary in some extreme situations if i was in such a situation i dont think i would want the physical intimacy without the emotional.
that libido is very high with me but i would rather have the guy that loves, respects, cares,sacrifices in enormous amounts and me being the same way with him with absolutely no physical intimacy rather than the situation that the op described, i wouldnt want the physical side from someone that is always emotionally numb to me or that treats me like crap most of the time. wouldnt a person block the other person out in their mind, i would feel so disgusted by the whole thing, it would feel like rape, maybe im different from other women
when there is no love and respect involved..cuddlig and sex just becomes an act.... you just do the act, *pretend to enjoy *for your partner and sleep well at night....there is nothing to lose.. right?
....i guess things will start making much more sense to you once you are married
i know it is for me too, divorce was never in my vocabulary, i never believed in it b4 but ive seen some pretty horrible stuff in my life and now i do see why it is necessary in some extreme situations if i was in such a situation i dont think i would want the physical intimacy without the emotional.
that libido is very high with me but i would rather have the guy that loves, respects, cares,sacrifices in enormous amounts and me being the same way with him with absolutely no physical intimacy rather than the situation that the op described, i wouldnt want the physical side from someone that is always emotionally numb to me or that treats me like crap most of the time. wouldnt a person block the other person out in their mind, i would feel so disgusted by the whole thing, it would feel like rape, maybe im different from other women
no i understand what you are saying and i would have probably said the same say 2 yrs back but i guess we all mature with age and learn new things. I am still not saying it is wise to go ahead and stay in a marriage which is devoid of love/respect, however at the same time i still maintain that taking a divorce is not an easy thing at all infact one of the hardest thing any human being can go through.
What does knowledge of which I seem to be privy to, mean? It's not classified information, nor is it difficult to deduce.
The OP is talking about actively carrying on with someone you dislike and do not have a cordial relationship with. She cites not only the lack of love, but the lack of respect. This is different from a couple simply being 'formal' with each other.
And who knew being tongue-in-cheek could make you feel "unchaste." Frankly I'm not sure how to react to that, you being the resident holy man of this forum. Seems your instructive 'script' has everyone flustered. Weird, the lot of you.
I can't imagine a genius like your good self does not know that I have been talking with a certain air of irony. Of course I feel that a person of your calibre knows full well that I have been conversing in hyperbole only to emphasise the stark disparity between the alleged (apologies ... your respected view) common occurrence of marital rape as compared to the acts of emotionless physical intimacy where both parties are consenting. The purpose for the emphasis, as facetious as it may well have been, was to show that one aught not to even go to the extent of "rape" to argue the point.
Inevitably the thread would have been taken in a direction where men would be criminalised yet again, when there is absolutely no need for it.
Personally I read the title ".... without emotional intimacy" being the absence of emotion, not being the presence of disdain or hatred ...
Regarding the being of tongue-in-cheek ... For one, being the resident holy man is a title undeserved of me, and secondly, I'm sure you have detected "even this holy man has a cheek that he can put his tongue in ... (there are some things I say out of jest ... and that particular "unchaste" statement was one of them) ... but I'm quite sure you know that ... albeit you like others may be in disbelief that it was uttered by me ...
however at the same time i still maintain that taking a divorce is not an easy thing at all infact one of the hardest thing any human being can go through.
i never said it was easy, where in my post did i say divorce is any where close to being easy and fun(????), it was never in my vocabulary so that means i never believed in it, i was the one that used to think that whatever the problems are the couple can always work through them but if it's only one person that does all the working on the relationship and the other sees no fault in himself or herself and therefore sees no reason to change eventually after yrs of trying, a human being does become numb to the pain, if i loved the other person and he treated me like crap it will take a couple yrs but i'm saying i would eventually become numb to the abuse, receives no respect or love and becomes strong enough to want a better life. i think a human being deserves atleast some yrs of happiness
Ya even i wondered as well. I guess there is no emotional intimacy in this case..just bang wang thank you ma’m sort of idea here. Which is quiet sad. I know this couple in our family..they got married..had a kid in couple of years. And still trying to have understanding..coz they can’t stand each other.
Sex is a human need. You may not love your spouse or be attracted to them but here's a legal way of fulfilling that need. It's a horrible thought though I know but something that's pretty common unfortunately.
If they have built the liking of doing it without , love for eachother , eventually they will build the liking , read love here , for each other. I hope and pray.
I asked the same question long time ago in simple words " if the do not like/love each other then where did the kids come from ?" Nobody provided a perfect answer at that time.
i never said it was easy, where in my post did i say divorce is any where close to being easy and fun(????), it was never in my vocabulary so that means i never believed in it, i was the one that used to think that whatever the problems are the couple can always work through them but if it's only one person that does all the working on the relationship and the other sees no fault in himself or herself and therefore sees no reason to change eventually after yrs of trying, a human being does become numb to the pain, if i loved the other person and he treated me like crap it will take a couple yrs but i'm saying i would eventually become numb to the abuse, receives no respect or love and becomes strong enough to want a better life. i think a human being deserves atleast some yrs of happiness
I apologise if i made a wrong judgment from your previous post that you think divorce is not that big of a deal.
i think many do it as a little show for society, they dont love each other, he might not treat her well, i've seen couples like that, the whole sex thing is just to keep the show going so that nobody suspects that anything is wrong b/c quite a few desis see divorce as "social suicide" so going through the motions without feeling anything just so you can get the right biological results is what it might be like for some couples...............what a nightmare, i would prefer divorce
I apologise if i made a wrong judgment from your previous post that you think divorce is not that big of a deal.
why did you underline what i said again though?
Sex is a human need. You may not love your spouse or be attracted to them but here's a legal way of fulfilling that need. It's a horrible thought though I know but something that's pretty common unfortunately.
op did say there was no respect or love too in the original post, how can a human being go through the physical when there is no emotional involved. wow for me personally it seems so horrible....the human body does need that type of fulfillment definitely but not when it's like this. i guess we're all different but for me that would be majorly painful, what's the difference between that and rape then?
