Phuppo Vs Khala

[Aaze]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

@parisbynight

well i do think of the time when ill become a phuppho.

I am sur ei will love my niece/nephew to bits even if i dont get along with my sil. I think it is irrelevant to get along with the sil in order to love the kids.

Probably, but you can’t deny that kids do get influenced by their mother’s feelings/attitude towards people from an early age on. That’s why it’s a good idea to keep a positive or at least a neutral attitude with your inlaws even if you don’t get along with them, so that the kids can form their own relationships etc with time.

What I think has really seemed to work well in my family is something my grandfather implemented a long time ago; *Ghar ke bachey sabke liye sanjhe hotey hain. *Which basically just means you should see your nephews/nieces as your own kids :k:

@Sweetmoi

if only all Phupho made cakes like u 24/7 sigh.

LMAO. Gold!

[Laiha]

I have phuphus and khaalas. I am close to them all, though I am closest to my youngest khaala who is only 8 years older than me. After her, if I had to pick someone, I’d pick one of my phuphus because I can tell she genuinely loves us. She doesn’t always get along with my mom but that has never affected our relationship.

As for some of my khalas, they compare their older kids with us and that’s really annoying. So I think it also depends on the type of person you’re dealing with. After all, phuphu bhi kisi na kisi ki khaala hoti hain.

[LP]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

I love my khalas. I don't know my phupos well because they live in another country and I've met them twice. I didn't click with them when I met them. They're sort of like strangers to me. I'm not too eager to meet them again. As for my khalas, barely a month goes by without meeting them. Grew up around them and no matter what, I know they have my best interests at heart.

[aqua70]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

Don't have any Khala :( so can't comment on that, I do have one phuppo, she is nice but I am not close to any uncle or aunt be it nankay or dadkay.

[shanimasala]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

I grew up with my Dads side of the family. His family was always jealous of my mums side, and also my mums side did not live in the same country. When visiting Pakistan , my Dads mum forbade us from visiting our Nanyaal.

We grew up with one Phopho, who has now passed away, but she always made life hell for us, always telling our dad things about us etc, stirring about my Mum. Its been a long time now, my cousins from my Phopho and my sibs and i are very close. We discussed some things etc, let the rest 'rest in peace',

After the death of my father we re aquainted ourselves with our Nanyaal side of the family. Now, we are VERY VERY close to my khalas and mamus. My youngest khala is only 3 years older than myself.

Present time ..my children.
My children grew up with their Dadyaal. They have one Phopho, who always yelled at them, nothing to do with my children etc. We could not say anything due to in laws. However one day,she visited and yelled at my children, my in laws complained how the children would not talk with their Phopho. I finally lost it, and told her how she treats the children, yells at them, and how do you expect them to get along with you.

My children do not get along with their Phopho, she has no time for anyone, even her own parents.

So my children grew up with Dadyaal, and just last week, my husbands Mum and brother complained to DH how the children do not get along with them, how (me) has brainwashed the children against them.

DH hates confrontations of any sort, simply said to the above" My children grew up with you, lived in the same house as you, YET you were unable to form a relationship with my children, don't blame my wife or her family (who does not live in the same country)" After that they all shut up.

I am now a Phopho, I have a """"as a Bhabhi. I love my nephews, and love them because my brother is important to me. I love my brother, and want to maintain a relationship with him, whether I like his wife or not.

[Sara516]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

As a phupo, I’m offended. But yeah I get every family has their own dynamics, but still.

:hinna:

[parisbynight]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

@Sara516

As a phupo, I’m offended. But yeah I get every family has their own dynamics, but still.

:hinna:

dont be

[aliyahali]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

I'm a phupho to 6 kids and I love them to death, 2 of my brothers kids love me back. One of my sister in laws doesn't seem to like us and because that she in a hindrance to her kids forming a relationship with us.

You guys are saying that why can't you ignore the evil sister in law and still be a good phupo, here I am saying that I want to do that, but their mother does not want them to be close to us, so I can be the best phupho in the world but if I have no access to the kids, then there's not much I can do about that.

You should advise the bhabis in the world to not be a block when it comes to their kids and their in laws instead of always blaming us, the dad, dado, chacha, phupho etc!

[parisbynight]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

^ I agree some bhabis can be evil and not let the kids bond with their phupho.

but in my case for instance, where i live in the west and both my khala and phupho lives in the east, the bonding with them is mainly done via phone communications. As I grew up, i relazied that only my khala bothered to keep that relationship with me and my siblings.

She has taken the extra step of calling us kids directly on our mobile phone just because she wanted to avoid talking to my dad who isnt too keen on her. On the other hand, my phupphos will call on the landline and ask for my dad only or will contact him on his mobile. the bonding reduce with time.

When I go pakistan, we are not let to go see my khala who keeps on inviting us kids. So techinically we spend more time with our phuphos. It is just the bonding that is missing.

I guess what i am trying to analyze here is the difference of reaction towards niece/nephew between a phupo and a khala when a tiff occurs between a parent and soupse's family.

[aliyahali]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

@parisbynight

See, what i wonder is why cant they just not talk to the mother but still care for the brother's kids? I am not talking about who is evil between the phuppo and mum but why is there a difference of love between the phuppo and khala when there is a rift between bil/sil

I am close to my father's brother kids. No issues with them.

It's perception - a kid may see it as their phupho not loving them as much as their khala, or just not loving them at all. What they won't see is that their mother has made it difficult for the phupho to form a bond with the kids

I know this because I am talking from my own experience, when a 4 year old kid has been told by their mother that they are not allowed to play with an older cousin/sit in her lap, then that shows the kind of mentality that kids mother has and will go out of her way to cause the distance between her kids and her in laws. Or the phupho/chacha will phone to wish them happy birthday, and she'll tell you that the kid is tired or eating and doesn't bother phoning you back, and when you do eventually try again a little later, they're not home because they've gone out to eat. In that situation the kid sees that their phupho hasn't phoned to wish them happy birthday and the resentment begins.

As for the phupho it's actually quite hurtful when continuously, your efforts are being rejected by the mother, who realistically has not major reason to be like that other than the fact that she is a nasty piece of work and wants her husband and her kids to not have any kid of relationship with her in laws. There's only so much rejection a person can take and eventually you make just take a step back

Anyhow, I know I've digressed, but I come on this forum and I hear so much stuff from girls worried about future in laws, or complaining about current ones, and it's annoying because it works both ways, don't stereotype, there are decent in laws out there, not all of us are nasty and want to control our sons/brothers, some of us end up with nasty bhabis!!

[aliyahali]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

@parisbynight

^ I agree some bhabis can be evil and not let the kids bond with their phupho.

but in my case for instance, where i live in the west and both my khala and phupho lives in the east, the bonding with them is mainly done via phone communications. As I grew up, i relazied that only my khala bothered to keep that relationship with me and my siblings.

She has taken the extra step of calling us kids directly on our mobile phone just because she wanted to avoid talking to my dad who isnt too keen on her. On the other hand, my phupphos will call on the landline and ask for my dad only or will contact him on his mobile. the bonding reduce with time.

When I go pakistan, we are not let to go see my khala who keeps on inviting us kids. So techinically we spend more time with our phuphos. It is just the bonding that is missing.

I guess what i am trying to analyze here is the difference of reaction towards niece/nephew between a phupo and a khala when a tiff occurs between a parent and soupse's family.

All I'm saying is that you can't stereotype with relationships, I am extremely close to my brothers kids, like your khala I phone them on their mobiles, etc, it's not just me, my brothers (i.e. the chachas) are close to all the kids, as are my parents. It just depends on the individual and whether they want to make an effort.

If your phuphos don't make an effort with you, there might be an underlying reason why, or simply they're just not bothered.

[parisbynight]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

^ Stereotype came naturally in my mind when i am surrounded by such stories.

All i hope for , is to learn from my own experience and be a gem of a phuppo to my brother kids despite how my bhabhi is. I beleive it is the elder who has to take the extra step and in that case it would be me.

[mulzious]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

i know about horrible stories where the girls sagi khala is also mother in law and treats her horrible (like doesnt even allow her to call her mother or allows her to eat properly).

since early childhood, i have always seen my dad's side as evil and mom's side as loving etc. but now I realize the power of mom's influence over the kids.

Now when I have grown up and went through some stuff, my dad's side has been so chill and my maternal side has caused so many issues.

I have confronted my mom about this and she realizes it too now (WIN!!)

sometimes i just marvel at the beauty of our culture. where else in the world would you find such colors of life. life would be too boring without all this drama.

[rosedreams]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

I have 2 koalas who are amazing alhamdullilah, more like friends. 3 of my phupphos, we have no contact with and they were mean to us and my mom. one phupho lives with me and she is amazing, just like my khalas. depends, really!

[Reha]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

I am a Khala and there's nothing I would not do for my nieces and nephews!

They are my blood...some of them even have my habits and every time I see that...it makes me love them more. If that's possible! LOL

[Monk]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

I can tell
chacha Vs khala…
At family get together, if your little nephew start stinking.. you can hand him over to his khala

[redvelvet]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

Who is more poisonous...chachis or tayis? Jhetanis or devranis?

[Ethan_Hunt]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

Who is more poisonous...chachis or tayis? Jhetanis or devranis?

all four of them. daadke

[OYMWA]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

@rosedreams

I have 2 koalas who are amazing alhamdullilah, more like friends. 3 of my phupphos, we have no contact with and they were mean to us and my mom. one phupho lives with me and she is amazing, just like my khalas. depends, really!

koalas?

[KKF]

Re: Phuppo Vs Khala

^