Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

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I don’t if this is just me but doesn’t it seem that people are beginning to get carried with istikharas? As far as I know, istikharas are supposed to give you guidance, help you come to a decision and ask for Allah’s blessing in whatever decision you make, not:
A) Make the decision for you
B) “Convince” you to go through with something that you have doubts on and common sense warns you against

However, I’ve noticed (on here and in real life) that people these days tend to do istikharas for the aforementioned reasons. I don’t know. It seems that rather than seeking guidance people are beginning to treat istikharas like a magic eight ball (anyone remember those?) which you shake and gives you the answer.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

istiKharas are meant to ask blessings [Khai’r] of Allah in whatever decision you make…you must make an educated decision not not driven by emotions. getting ian indication in your dream is NOT the litmus test. it’s about your ‘inclination’ about an issue. if you are more inclined to one way then that could be a divine indication.

istiKhaara is NOT a ‘litmus’ test.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

^This!!!

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

You are exactly right; people seem to be confused about it. If things go wrong, they never blame their lack of knowledge; instead blame it on the istikharah itself. It is really sad to see. Another thing I see is to have someone else do it. And now there are peer babas doing it for the money. Its ridiculous! May Allah protect us.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

I have done istikhara several times for various reasons. I have no issues with the process, what annoys me is the that desi folks have made it complicated for themselves.

Not too long ago I was thinking of a going back to school for a career change. I had a field in mind. I did some research. I was more inclined toward this field than continuing in my current profession and some of the reasons were that I thought there would be less paperwork, I wouldn’t have to bring work home, I could help people, etc. While doing my research, I didn’t find any of these red flags in the field. So, I was inclined toward it but I wanted to be more certain. I performed the istikhara prayer and recited the Arabic dua…then I made my own dua and I told Allah the reasons why I liked this field, how it seems less stressful than my current profession from the research I’ve done and could He give me clear guidance as to what path I should take, clear to where it won’t be confusing or ambiguous at all; I wanted it to where it was blac or white…no gray. So, while I was making dua, my cell phone kept ringing…I was getting text messages. I ignored it cuz I thought it was probably my sister. After I got done making dua, I looked at my messages and was shocked. It was from my friend. She told me she’d get info for me on this career from someone who had practiced it for 10 years. The information she provided not only answered my questions to the tee but negated all the positive misconceptions I had about the career. This was info I hadn’t come across online during my research. In fact, this was info that I did not come across even when I talked to a licensed professional from the field. I got the answer to my prayer. I told my friend I had been making istikhara dua when she texted, she was shocked. She said that she had been sitting on the information for a week and for some reason decided to send it while I was making my dua. We both thought it was cosmic. I had asked Allah for a clear-cut, black and white, non-ambiguous guidance …and I got it within moments. The texted info was so clear that it made deciding very, very easy. I decided not to go for it and was content, I didn’t look back.

Other times I’ve done istikhara, the option I was considering simply came to a halt. So, the procedure works…but we overthink it sooo much and we rely very very heavily on subjective things like dreams. Just look at how events unfold; that is a more concrete indication. If something is good for you, it’ll take place. If not, it won’t.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

Agree. I have seen people criticize istikhara …to conveniently blame it…rather than their own lack of knowledge.

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The title of this thread should have been pet peeves regarding people who do Istikhara not pet peeves regarding Istikhara.

If done right, Istikhara is a gem. How awesome is it to be able to ask Allah for guidance when we as human beings are clearly incapable of predicting what lies in the future & if certain choices we make in life are good or bad or us.

Problem rises with us not having proper knowledge about how to “perform” a proper Istikhara & relying on the "Allah Walay/buzurg/Peers to do it for us.

Couldn’t have agreed anymore with RV. I do Istikhara for a lot of major things in my life. It doesn’t mean that I don’t use my own knowledge before hand to decide what “could” be best for me or my family but fact of the matter remains I don’t have “Ilm of Ghaib”. What might seem like the right decision to me or my husband might not end up being the best for us & only Allah knows that.

First off in Islam only you or your mother should be doing an Istikhara for you. Even mother should be the last resort. Because no Sheikh/Maulvi can do it as sincerely for us as we can for ourselves. We are asking Allah for help. Someone who loves us 70 times more than our own mother. Why do we think that just cause we sometimes skip namaaz or don’t have a beard or wear a headscarf, Allah will treat our call to him any different. If anything it will make him even happier that we believe in him enough to ask him for guidance.

Secondly you don’t do Istikhara only when you are confused about a matter. You also do it when you have to make major decisions in life, yet you know what you “think” will be a beneficial decision for yourself or people involved. But as mentioned couple of times earlier, one can never know what future really holds. We all can only make calculated guesses that the potential spouse, job, career change, new house or whatever “seems” to be the right choice.

Third, you do Istikhara with an open mind, meaning when you read the dua, you ask Allah to “guide” you towards what the best in deen & duniya is for you regarding that matter. Guidance doesn’t always mean you will have a dream or all of a sudden you will have a strong conviction towards or against something. It means that if its meant to be good for you, things regarding that will start falling in place or things will either stop progressing or completely slow down. You just have to keep faith in Allah & wait for things to run their course.

I once did an Istikhara & the result that came wasn’t convincing in a way that it didn’t make sense at the moment (my husband had three job opportunities lined up, better pay, bonus, insurance & vacation packages in 3 different states & we just had to pick & choose one) & my Istikhara came out negative for all three & weird enough all of a sudden I had a feeling that this one particular state that we had once vaguely talked about is what will be good for us & he should just pass up all these opportunities & stick to his current job. For the first time my husband wasn’t sure about Istikhara I did & his thing was these are awesome opportunities, all educational calculated guesses on our part as a human (a lot of room for him to grow career wise) & my thing was we did an Istikhara, as weird as this sounds I have a different conviction now, we put faith in Allah by asking him for guidance, now lets just wait & see how things turn.

Lo & behold, ELEVEN months later out of nowhere he gets contacted by a company from the state my Istikhara convinced me about, at the same time another company approaches from the same city, since there were two options he was able to get the “best package” HE wanted. The move goes super smooth Alhumdulillah. 8 months down the road that company decides to “outsource” & gives everyone a 3 months notice & we get worried but we are still convinced that we had done Istikhara so keep faith in Allah & what do you know he was able to practically find his dream position at another company in the same city & here we are. Probably 20 to 25% better off financially compared to those three “best” opportunities. My husband MashaAllah couldn’t have been more content about where he is career wise.

Point of typing such a long post is that sometimes all we have to do is be rational while believing in something spiritual at the same time. Its not Istikhara that makes people do cuckoo things, its the people that don’t do it with the right conviction or the right way (intentionally or unintentionally) & blame it on the Istikhara.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

That is what I’m referring to. In recent months, I’ve seen recent people do istikharas to:

  • Tell them what to do and expecting an instant yes or no. Literally.
  • “Convince” themselves to go through with something that they’re intuition, common sense and every sane person around them is telling them to re-think and not go through with.
  • Give them “proof”/confirmation that they made the “right” decision about something.

I quite agree with what you’ve stated about istikharas in your post and also believe that istikhara is a gem when done correctly. However, I do find it a bit disrespectful when people treat istikhara like a crystal ball that is supposed to sort of their lives and then blame the istikhara for their own bad/lack of judgement.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

There was a lecture by Nouman Ali Khan where he stated that the events in our life, even the trying ones, contain good for us. It’s just that we are not patient and become easily mayoos and resentful. So, if let’s say you do Istikhara for something like a job …you will get it if it’s good for you, you won’t get it if it’s not in your best interest. Now if you get the job, it’s your responsibility to work hard and fulfill your duties honestly and to the best of your ability. If you know you’ve done your best but due to circumstances out of your control such as unjust boss, you lose your job or end up quitting…it doesn’t mean the istikhara was wrong. There was some good for you even in this unpleasant outcome, some growth as a person, etc. If there was absolutely no benefit and only harm, you wouldn’t be able to get the job in the first place.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

Bint-e-Naeem,

What made you feel that the 3 opportunities weren’t good and that you guys should move? Did you see a dream or get a persistent feeling? I feel that dreams and feelings can be tricky as the former can have many interpretations and the latter can change from one minute to the next, but you’ll find out depending in how events unfold.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

Isn’t one confused when they are are dalmadol over choice to make?

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

I don’t understand a few points mentioned here, no offense to anyone, I’m just trying to clear my doubts.

Isn’t it this lack of knowledge about the future that’s the reason for istikhara in the first place, when we are asking for guidance because we don’t know anything about future but He does?

The other part I agree, I don’t get how people trust random peers to do istikhara for them. Also there doesn’t necessarily have to be any dream etc for us to get guidance.

How is the istikhara convincing them when all the signs are pointing the other way? If it seems so bad that everyone is seeing it then shouldn’t the istikhara point away from it? Isn’t it the person’s own perception of the whole thing rather than the istikhara itself misguiding them?

This. Things happen as they are supposed to happen so how does istikhara help us in this regard because even if we do it or not, things will still happen the same way?

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

I meant lack of knowledge about istikhara and how to perform it.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

Maybe I expressed myself a bit oddly but I do not have an issue with istikharas themselves. My annoyance is in reference to people who treat istikharas like a magical “cure-all” that is supposed to sort out their lives without any thinking on their part and then blame the istikhara for their own missteps or bad judgement.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

RV we were extremely excited about these 3 opportunities. Had started looking at housing, schools & other options. I personally was very excited & then I did the Istikhara & all of a sudden I wake up next day feeling all blah about these opportunities & this other city is coming in my mind. There was no emotion left & I remember thinking “Oh this is some change of mind” The fact that all the charm & excitement was all of a sudden gone it was a clear indication to me that its a no for ALL possible places, which was interesting because our “neeyat” was to pick from one. Every time I do an Istikhara, I do however make the dua that "help us choose from what we have if its good for our deen & duniya, make this easier for us in that regard, if its not good for our deen or duniya, make it go away with “khair” & if there is something better out there open our eyes to that. That is why I mentioned it is extremely important to do the Istikhara the right way meaning with an open mind.

Anyways since this was a huge decision, to be extremely sure I continued doing it for the next 2 more days & things just kept on getting stronger & stronger in my mind. No to any of these 3 opportunities. The emotional disconnection was surprising & convincing for me. I had started my Istikhara on a Monday & did it till Wednesday night & we still didn’t say no right away. We waited throughout the week & the conviction just kept on getting stronger.

I have done so many Istkharaas in the past 7 years & have found my “result” experience varies every single time. I also feel like dreams can be tricky at times but persistent feeling about something is a strong indication in what direction to go. Now these feelings don’t always come up right away. I have done Istikharaas with literally no results at times meaning no strong indication towards or against anything. In those times I just wait for things to unfold with an extremely neutral mind & then there are times where I have usually gotten a result in three days. Result meaning extreme emotional change towards or against something.

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Re: Pet Peeve Regarding Istikharas

It is true that things will “end” up the same but how these events unfold is where I personally believe Istikhara plays a crucial role. If things were not meant for you & you did an Istikhara & after the results/indication you end up NOT going for it, you have saved your self a lot of emotional/financial or sometimes even physical hardships. On the other hand if you hadn’t done an Istikhara or you did one but your calculated educational guesses are making the result seem like its not making sense & I will still go ahead (which is the most ridiculous things I have seen people do & yes there are people out there who go against the Istikhara results) then you most definitely end up with the same thing happening but after a lot of emotional/financial or other type of loss.

Hope what I wrote here made sense to you.