Some guests were over at home yesterday. Prospective clients for our business. In general conversation it is understood that Uncle had two wives, and is maintaining both. Only one had accompanied him at the time
It got me thinking. I cannot believe that women are wired for sharing their man, yet Islam allows for four marriages (yes I am aware of the conditions as well). But what I’m really saying is, it’s not as if people follow Islam to the letter and surely men who wish to will marry twice thrice or even four times if they want to, don’t necessarily follow the conditions (ie that you maintain your wives equally in all matters - emotional or financial - which would make it near impossible to take on more wives anyway)
So isn’t it another perspective and possibly one of those blessings we tend to perhaps take for granted that the person we marry is satisfied with just us and not subjecting us to the emotional dilemma and turmoil that sharing him with another woman brings?
In other words, isn’t it one of the blessings we take for granted that we are the only wife?
Yeah, 99% of us don’t follow Islam to the letter but with multiple wives there is more potential for a lot more mess and heartbreak.. a lot of our own personal sins don’t involve kids who are dependent on us and so on..
I don’t have a problem with polygyny in itself, just the way a lot of men practise it. If the wives and children are being treated well and are happy with the setup good for them :k:
I know this isn’t what you mean here but generally speaking I wouldn’t want my husband to be just ‘satisfied’ with me.. If he’s dreaming of marrying other women I would honestly rather he just went ahead and did it..
Re: Perspectives...and blessings taken for granted
Firstly let me make it clear that I'm fully aware of the "rules" regarding polygamy in Islam. That being said....
So isn't it another perspective and possibly one of those blessings we tend to perhaps take for granted that if the person we marry is satisfied with just us and not subjecting us to the emotional dilemma and turmoil that sharing him with another woman brings?
No, it's not a "blessing" for me to have a husband who doesn't marry another woman. Faithfuless is a requirement for me. Not a bonus. My husband doesn't "subject" me to anything. If and when he chooses to do something, I also have the choice of whether or not I want to deal with it. I'm not a prisoner. It irks me when women make a choice to stay in a marraige...and then somehow place a blame on the husband for "subjecting" them for whatever makes them unhappy.
Men are visual creatures and will always feel some sort of attraction to women who are not their wives. My fiance checks out other hot women in front of me and will even tell me when he thinks someone is hot. Heck I point out hot women to him when I see one. This does not bother me at all. He can look all he wants. It's not like I don't notice other good looking men.
However, if one day my husband feels he needs to have sex with another woman.....then our marriage will end. I don't care whether the "other woman" he's sharing a bed with is his other "wife" or "mistress" or even a prostitute. I am not ok with my husband having sex with another woman....period. If I'm not fulfilling all his needs....then I consider it a blessing that he tell me so that I can move on with my life and find someone who will be satisfied with me....and ONLY me.
Re: Perspectives...and blessings taken for granted
Also, the issue at hand here is not about wanting to satisfy short-term lusts, but men who choose to take another wife because they genuinely feel that they need one for whatever reason
Re: Perspectives...and blessings taken for granted
so, the husband who dont look at other women and are not attracted to them are abnormal creatures?
No, I never said that. Nothing in this world is 100% in my opinion. Based on my personal experience...every man I've ever come across checks out other women. Even when I'm out....I notice men glancing at other "hot" women (whether its someone in real life...model in a billboard etc).
Does this mean that there is not a single man in this planet who NEVER looks or feels attraction to a woman who is not his wife? No. But I would say that its safe bet that overwhelning majority of men do notice and "appreciate" women who they're not married to.
then is it not your fault?
If I'm not fulfilling my husband's needs....of course there is a chance that its my fault. However, if my husband feels that the "solution" is for him to find another woman....then he's free to do so. I'm also free to file for divorce, and find another man who will be satisfied with what I have to offer.
Whether that "other woman" is his wife, mistress, or a prostitute.....the title doesn't matter to me. The bottom line is that I'm not ok with my husband having sex with another woman.
Re: Perspectives...and blessings taken for granted
No, I never said that. Nothing in this world is 100% in my opinion. Based on my personal experience...every man I've ever come across checks out other women. Even when I'm out....I notice men glancing at other "hot" women (whether its someone in real life...model in a billboard etc).
Does this mean that there is not a single man in this planet who NEVER looks or feels attraction to a woman who is not his wife? No. But I would say that its safe bet that overwhelning majority of men do notice and "appreciate" women who they're not married to.
So it's fine in your opinion to look at other women and appreciate them?
Re: Perspectives...and blessings taken for granted
So it's fine in your opinion to look at other women and appreciate them?
Personally, for me...in my relationship....it does not bother me.
Everyone picks and chooses their battles and decides what's worth fighting for. In my own relationship, I have plenty of issues that I fight for. And for me personally....being bothered by my husband looking at other women is not worth getting upset over or fight about.
But if another woman feels this is a "strong issue" for her....then I don't see it was a "wrong" feeling. That's just how she feels and something she will need to work on with her husband.
Re: Perspectives...and blessings taken for granted
^Agree with Queer...something about the wording seems off. Sort of like saying put up with a less than satisfactory situation because it could be worse. Sure, if you and your partner are happey with your marriage....yeah you'd be (or should be) grateful. But if it's a turbulent monogamous marriage....one that is very dysfunctional ...and is only getting worse.....should the reasoning that "hey at least he doesn't have a second wife" be enough to hange on.
Re: Perspectives...and blessings taken for granted
Alright, maybe the wording seems off.
It doesn't to me, but if you can put it in a better manner, please do so for the others who come and read this thread.
I am not saying live with a less than satisfactory situation or anything like that. I am saying that it is a blessing taken for granted, sort of like how the ability to walk, talk, move is taken for granted.
It is a blessing. That is all I am saying.
^Agree with Queer...something about the wording seems off. Sort of like saying put up with a less than satisfactory situation because it could be worse. Sure, if you and your partner are happey with your marriage....yeah you'd be (or should be) grateful. But if it's a turbulent monogamous marriage....one that is very dysfunctional ...and is only getting worse.....should the reasoning that "hey at least he doesn't have a second wife" be enough to hange on.