Whenever I mention any good trait about my fiancé (that he’s so caring or patient etc) my aunt always has some snarky comment about how he’ll change as soon as we’re married.
I’ve known my fiancé for a few years and we’re best friends. And we aren’t very young either, so it’s not like our decision to get married was clouded by some first crush infatuation hormones. I’m quite positive he hasn’t been pretending for the past few years. But I do understand that living together is very different and it’ll be a challenge.
My aunt’s cynicism doesn’t scare me but it made me curious - Do you have any stories of husbands or wives who completely flipped their personality soon after the wedding?
I know of one girl who had the most romantic fiancé. The man went above and beyond at his attempts at romance. I always found him cheesy. It all ended soon after the marriage though. Now all he does is criticize everything about her, even in public.
Yup. Before marriage there's time for the nicey nice stuff. After the interfering starts and pop-he said she said starts and the criticising begins. Some couples manage to avoid this phase and kudos to them.
Married life is different. I dont think people change, their priorities changes which reflects in their attitude. That's not a bad thing. Obviously there are marriages where people do change. In.most marriages we have different and probably more responsibilities than before. Also, its different to talk to someone on the phone everyday, or see them.everyday then having to live with them. Please don't let this aunt scare you, some changes are expected in.married life. What matters is that you as a couple understand each.other, are willing to compromise and yes willing to accept marriage isn't all Bollywood love song.
Whenever I mention any good trait about my fiancé (that he's so caring or patient etc) my aunt always has some snarky comment about how he'll change as soon as we're married.
I've known my fiancé for a few years and we're best friends. And we aren't very young either, so it's not like our decision to get married was clouded by some first crush infatuation hormones. I'm quite positive he hasn't been pretending for the past few years. But I do understand that living together is very different and it'll be a challenge.
My aunt's cynicism doesn't scare me but it made me curious - Do you have any stories of husbands or wives who completely flipped their personality soon after the wedding?
I know of one girl who had the most romantic fiancé. The man went above and beyond at his attempts at romance. I always found him cheesy. It all ended soon after the marriage though. Now all he does is criticize everything about her, even in public.
I don't think you should actively seek out examples where a person did a complete 360 degree change for the worst after marriage. Positive examples also exist, so why not seek them out? Relationships evolve over time and with increased responsibilities (kids, etc), your priorities will naturally shift, That heady type of excitement in the initial stages will not last forever, but it doesn't necessarily mean it'll only be gloomy. Also, you don't live with a couple 24/7, and there are two sides to the stories your married friends and relos tell you. If you believe that your fiance is your best friend and that you both are overall compatible even in spite of differences you have in personality, then MashaAllah you have a good start or foundation. Also, I would suggest that you avoid telling this aunti about your fiance and your relationship. Don't tell her what he gifted you, where you guys went, what kind of a person he is, what your future plans are as a married couple. Nazar is a real thing, it does happen, and this aunti is not happy about marriage in general. And recite your 3 Quls, Aytal Qursa daily for protection. Most of us (including me) don't do it.
Change is inevitable. Even you have changed I'm sure from how you use to think a few years ago.
I've been married almost 5 years now and have known my husband for more than 10. I'm still learning new things about him (good and bad) but the same goes for me as well. And I'm sure once kids enter the picture, more changes will follow.
Just live in the moment and tackle each situation as it comes. I wouldn't listen to snarky remarks or let people cloud your judgement over your fiance. I think one of the biggest problems and causes of arguments is involvement and meddling of others in your relationship. You'll grow as a couple as time progresses and it honestly is the best journey :)
Like someone said change is inevitable, we all change all the time. I'm quite sure none of us are exact the same as we were last year. Our tolerance level change, our patience change etc. Having said that, how well you handle that in a relationship depends upon you two as a couple. It all depends on the couple, their level of honesty and commitment.
Marriage is about the two of you, not your aunt, uncle, mama, papa. The less you let other people interfere in your relationship, the better off you're. Don't share your relationship bits with people who show no happiness for you or if their opinion matters so much that it puts you in doubt. Nothing good comes out of that.
Some people change mid way through their relationship before marriage. Some turn cold turkey and end relationships. Everyone change after marriage. That's why you have to marry someone who is your best friend. Because after the whole physical thing ends you still have your best friend to spend your life with.
I'm not sure we see the change in ourselves as clearly as we see the change in others i.e family and friends.
Not always true, I still like to sit and talk with my husband, show him a lot of love despite a busy schedule and kids etc. husband openly says he has changed and agrees that I have not.