Personal Criticism...

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1

Hi Guys…

How do you handle it when you get critised by people you know and love ??

Be it a criticism of the way you look, behave, dress or something deeper when someone attacks your character, personality or your self being…and for those of us who we can never please …anything and everything, they just criticise. ???..

How do you feel /?
Is it water off a duck’s back or does it really affect you - or hurt you ??

How do you feel towards the person that crticised you ??

let me know…

MS

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/devil.gif

~~ Gizzy Ki Jaano.. ~~

2

mem there are a few factors here.

1) is it constructive criticism.
2) is it the right moqa mehal
3) is it about something in your control or not
4) Do you really feel that the person has your best interest in mind

If its negative criticism, who cares. I dont get upset but just ignore it.

If it is not the right time or place, I would tell the person thanks but can we talk about this later.

If it is something not in my control, then I tell them that. or something that I cant do anything immediately for, so coming back in 5 minutes to tell me the same thing again aint gonna do ya no good.

If I dont think that the person has my best interest in mind, i dont care.

Depending on my own mood, I have handled negative criticism in varied ways. Either by ignoring the persn, or by getting on their case in a mock-friendly-funny way, so they know to back da hell up, outright obvious rudeness. Heck, being unpredictible in dealing with such stuff is kinda good, ppl dunn wanna mess wid you cuz they dunno how you will react.

Positive feedback and criticism is something different altogether. At times it may hurt your ego, or make you feel bad..but when ya think about it from a logical point of view you may realize that yeah... the person was right...and that just helps one become a better person, and grow.

There are people who will always be honest with you and have your best in their minds and then there would be others.

In general, among desis, both groups need to have a better approach for criticism.

3

I think best way to handle it is:

To forget about it.
Don't take it personaly.
Criticise back.
Let them know, they have God-given flaws as well. ;)

*V~V~V*He came, He saw, He conquered*V~V~V*

4

yeah, what they said. ;)

5

Mem, I think people who care about us don't exactly criticize us on our mistakes, rather they point out to us in a kind of way which they know won't hurt us and will put their point across to us in a caring manner as well. I think that's the best approach. And if they really care about us they avoid trying to convey the message in a manner, which they fear might set us off, but instead they say it in a way, which can help us make ourselves better individuals.

As far as the context of criticism is concerned, if it's for the better it's welcomed. But if it's just person #1 trying to twist person #2 to fit the criterion of person #1, without a valid reason, then I think that one can be better off without that kind of criticism.

[This message has been edited by Rarediamonds & Gold (edited October 05, 2000).]

6

Mem,

I feel that if the criticism has grounds then I will accept it, not as criticism but the truth and try and do sommat about it.

However if it is just someone who is spiteful anyway then I dont tkae any notice, like you said its like water off a ducks back.:)

7

When the person is my frend or relative or sumone who really knows me … i rather listen to the person n try to change myself according to it :slight_smile: … Otherwise if i don’t know the person or that person is sumwut a stranger to me .. i usually let it slid off.. :smiley: .. Who Carez ?

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/hoonh.gif

*I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.
*That myth is more potent than history.
*That dreams are more powerful than facts.
*That hope always triumphs over experience.
*That laughter is the only cure for grief.
*And I believe that love is stronger than death.

8

Hi Guys..... I think you covered most of it... about it being the right time or place - who saying it and why - .....

but some people just don't like being criticised...

what do you do then ???

What if the person is the closest to you - says something to criticise you but you think what they said is unjust and not correct - I know no one actually likes being critisied - but what if it's out of order and you don't think you deserved that amounnt of negative criticism... how do you deal with the anger you feel to that person.....?? :( :( :(

MS

9

i dont mind when some one criticises me but when they keep on doing it then i go mad
.. eg i start punching doors and breaking light switches

the dictionary is the only place where success comes before work

10

I don't mind criticism because usually it is true. But I don;'t like people criticising me behind my back I like the pepole that have the courage to say it on face.

11

Mem Sahib,

I always wonder why we always get so defensive when we're criticized, i mean even when the other person is right.It doesnt matter what the other person says, our first reactions is usually defense. Even if later we realize the other person was right afterall....i guess its alot of things, ego,pride, cause come on guyz admit it we all can be just a leeeeeetal bit conceited when it comes to ourselves,right? ;) But then its also a feeling of hurt, kohal put a post in careers/marketplace about this sorta thing also. I mean when someone close to us, says 'You shouldn't don't like when..' or 'I don't think you...' it does hurt, because we really care about that person's opinion we take really take it to heart. But i guess another thing we need to remember is that that person is only saying those things because they do care about you....

How do you deal with the anger...just deal with it i guess, there's a saying, 'The unspoken word cannot do any harm.' Anger is something u dissolve, with patience, with understanding,and with forgiveness. I mean to get more out of life, you have to give more of yourself right?..and i guess maybe its times like that where u just have to give a little more...by that i don't mean
give in, wry smile i just mean give:)

12

in that case mem saab.. i usually stay quiet as long as i can n try to forget about it....:(

I believe that imagination is stronger than **knowledge.
*That myth is more potent than **history.
*That dreams are more powerful than **facts.
*That hope always triumphs over **experience.
*That laughter is the only cure for **grief.
*And I believe that love is stronger than **death*.

13

I think one should criticise other on the basis of empathy and not on harsh judgments. One should criticise negative behaviors of another and the effects that these behaviors maybe having on the others.

One should have well understanding of the matter and should expect the likely reaction of the feedback given. Poorly understanding the matter is what hurts relationships and leads to defensive interactions.

Bye.

*V~V~V*He came, He saw, He conquered*V~V~V*

[This message has been edited by The Watcher (edited October 08, 2000).]

14

Ms i personally take criticism as the ultimate sign of jealousy, envy, and ignorance, therefore usually apply the "in with one and out the other" technique. There is a big difference in criticism, and objection, that being when a loved one e.g parents, bros, sisters, husbands , wives, get frustrated their comments are not criticism but objections. Criticism doesn't require any emotional attachments. You must learn the difference in between the two.

As in your case the emotional involvement with the person who criticized you is strong, consider it a sign to make some improvements, and for your anger, try channeling it in a positive form.

p.s. criticism is meant to be negative, thats what the word stands for.

rizwanfareed: not the best way to ventilate your anger bro...buy a punching bag, or just go running around the block. :)

fantastic1: criticism is hardly ever true..

The Watcher: i think one should never criticise no matter what the bases. As for pointing out the negatives in the other person, you should modestly point them out, no need for criticism.

o©º°¨¨°º©o LiFe Is An IllUsIoN aNd ReAliTy iS a FiGmEnT oF tHe iMaGiNaIiOn o©º°¨¨°º©o

[This message has been edited by kaka malang (edited October 09, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by kaka malang (edited October 09, 2000).]