I have to begin by saying I’ve had, in my opinion, the perfect childhood. Although I realize that the “perfect childhood” has different meanings for different people …well, that didn’t make much difference to me as a child. I had my mother at home to guide me, meet all my needs, nurse my boo-boos, take me to dance class, teach me how to color “in the lines”. My mom is the rock of my life, the one who understands everything whether spoken or not….I had my Dad, my hero, to teach me about responsibility, completing tasks, respecting others. He taught me how to fish, how to respect the environment, the planet, other people. I have so very many rich memories of camping, fishing, dance recitals, just playing in my own back yard with my siblings. This isn’t an easy thing to admit to these days. Actually, this type of life in this day and age almost seems to be frowned upon. I went from birth until around the age of 7 without the knowledge of what a “babysitter” is. I went with my siblings and my father to construction sites to gather the “garbage” wood to construct a fort which my father designed and helped us build. My siblings and I would raid my father’s closet for all of his belts which we used to string up my sister on the clothesline – we made her “fly” in our very own circus. We would go frog hunting, catch fireflies. We had MAGIC in our childhood…not the constructed, fabricated and structured activities that are expected of children these days.
I find myself wondering almost constantly – how can I give MY children the same type of perfect childhood when the trend, the fashion and even the expectation – is to dump your kids on a nanny, NEVER take an “extra” child to a doctor visit or parent/teacher meeting, and above all else, keep your children (even at the age of 2!!) busy and occupied from dusk till dawn with “socially and academically appropriate” activities. Arranged “Play Dates” and expensive activities are the order of the day – and if your child doesn’t have these things, then YOU as a parent are seen as lacking.
I’ve been on an uphill struggle to provide my children with the magic that I was so lucky to have experienced…only to be thwarted or criticized at every step along the way. How very sad I find this to be, and how confusing it is to try to find a good balance of the lifestyle I’d like with the lifestyle that’s “expected”.
I find that, although I am an educated individual who gave up a lucrative Wall Street career, the only thing that others hear is “stay-at-home Mom”. The attitude changes, the walls come crashing down and the assumption is that “Mom is an uneducated ignoramus without a clue as to the raising of children.” Time and time again, I’ve faced this attitude. More than once, its had a profound effect on my children. My eldest son suffered from reflux (GERD), a very severe case of it. It went undiagnosed for more than two years because the doctors felt that “Mom” needed infant care instruction. At the age of 5, my son has yet to fully recover from the negative effects that the lack of proper treatment has caused.
The “fashion” is also all of this “positive parenting” where you don’t yell at, scold or punish your children in the ways that we were punished (ie., the occasional whack on the diaper or slap on the hand). These days, that type of thing is cause for a visit from Child Protective Services. I’m sorry but I have three (count ‘em, THREE) very strong-willed and spirited boys. They NEED and REQUIRE a strong hand. I have no stomach for abuse, I don’t even like to yell. But this “positive parenting” trend is just crap. No wonder kids these days are rude and out-of-control. Kids need firmly established rules and they need to have the rules firmly enforced. I’m not talking about beating them if they don’t comply but a whack on the diaper, slap on the hand or loud and firm voice is required at times. So very sad that we are made to feel like this is something that we should hide.
We had occasion to meet a prime example of this “positive parenting” technique. Our next-door neighbor has a high-school-graduate aged daughter. Her friend drove up in her shiny new Mercedes (graduation gift from Mommy and Daddy) and blared her horn for 10 minutes. Woke up all 3 boys, got the dogs barking and turned my house into utter chaos. My husband walked over and calmly asked her to please “cool it” with the horn. This gal lashed into him with a nasty, cursing tirade, telling him “THIS is not your property, get OFF this property. I can do what I want to do, F**K you, you are a NOBODY, you can’t tell ME what to do” etc etc. THIS is what I feel is being raised by the “proper” parenting guidelines of today.
So where can we find the “middle ground” here? And CAN it be found? If it can, please tell me where because I’d be outta here so fast that I’d create a tornado with my packing. Because giving my children the “perfect childhood” is so much more than letting them just have fun.
)