So i was talking to my uni friend the other day and she said something quite interesting.
we were talking about uni grades and how some people get high and others get low grades.
She said how come people like myself (her) who do not go out often, i.e. partying, sheesha, and hardly even go out shopping, to eat etc, who prefers to stay at home with family, prays 5 times a day, reads the quran, doesnt talk to guys unless necessary, spends most of her time doing assignments and studying get such mediocre grades or works until she is all burnt out to get good grades, whereas others who do all of the above, and do not even have to work so hard get such good results.
I personally do not know how hard the latter people work but i do know that they do their work on or a day before deadline day and still get really good results.
Then she mentioned how unfair it is that god is providing them with everything.
I know she shouldnt be thinking like that but couldnt help wonder if this is actually true.
She is just seeing one aspect of their life - student life- who knows anything about their life otherwise? Maybe she has to study hard but is lucky in other things she doesn't realise.
She is just seeing one aspect of their life - student life- who knows anything about their life otherwise? Maybe she has to study hard but is lucky in other things she doesn't realise.
this is what i said. but she's adamant she's unlucky in life
i think she sees it in terms of religion. like if your supposedly a good person. i.e. dont do all of the above i have mentioned then god will make your life easier etc.
Agree with kkf. I have a friend who would party, sleep, go out but would get straight As in everything. She would just need to stay a day before the exam. While the rest of us truly struggled and studied hard to get good grades. Some people are smarter than others. It has nothing to do with what do they do in.their free time...your friend prays and stays home while these go out party. When it comes to studies these party goers are pretty serious too.
i think she sees it in terms of religion. like if your supposedly a good person. i.e. dont do all of the above i have mentioned then god will make your life easier etc.
it's not true at all...the best people on earth, like the prophets, had to go through hardest times.
the hardships are our trials and if we pass it then it's a source of blessings and purging of our sins, big or small, that we commit knowingly and/or unknowingly.
Contrary to popular belief, people are NOT created equal. People who seem to "get" everything have other issues that you and your friend probably don't have. I can use myself as an example. I always got good grades. I studied my a$$ off for some and for some I didn't have to study at all. I consider myself pretty creative. I get relatively good at everything I try but my interpersonal skills are of a grumpy 5 year old. I can't maintain relationships and I have social anxiety. I look at some people and wonder why some people have it so much easier than others when it comes to socializing. I am sure they have their issues just like I have mine.
I wish there was a easy formula in Quran that says
Being Muslims is directly proportional to what you get in this world
Unfortunately, there isn't and BTW its fair that there isn't. It would be grossly unfair that people are rewarded (in this world) just because they prayed or not and not because if their strive for it or not.
It might sound harsh, but your friend is doing exactly what Allah/Prophet (SA) has asked us not to i.e Hasad (envy). Does these thoughts keep her occupied even when she is studying? if yes, then of course she will get the grades that she is getting. I am not blaming her but she should try to stay away from such thoughts.
and finally, u never know what other problems those party animals have in their lives. Only if she come to know she might not be willing to exchange lives with them.
To make her happy you can say dad thing happen to good people, this the only thing she is waiting to hear from you and others who she rants about her self perceived issues of life.
Here is a story for Gulistan a Sadi:
I remember that, in the time of my childhood, I was devout, and in the habit of keeping vigils, and eager to practise mortification and austerities. One night I sate up in attendance on my father, and did not close my eyes the whole night, and held the precious qur'an in my lap while the people around me slept. I said to my father, "Not one of these lifts up his head to perform a prayer. They are so profoundly asleep that you would say they were dead." He replied, "Life of thy father! it were better if thou, too, wert asleep; rather than thou shouldst be backbiting people." Naught but themselves can vain pretenders mark,For conceit's curtain intercepts their view.Did God illume that which in them is dark,*Naught than themselves would wear a darker hue.
In the same book he writes:
*I HAD never complained of the vicissitudes of fortune, nor murmured at the ordinances of heaven, excepting on one occasion, that my feet were bare, and I had not wherewithal to show them. In this desponding state, I entered the metropolitan mosque at Cufah; and there I beheld a man that had no feet. I offered up praise and thanksgiving for God’s goodness to myself; and submitted with patience to my want of shoes.—“in the eye of one satiated with meat, a roast fowl is less esteemed at his table than a salad; but to him who is stinted of food, a boiled turnip will relish like a roast fowl.
Then she mentioned how unfair it is that god is providing them with everything.
I have a close friend who is a genius. Has a photographic memory and just seems to "get" everything (she actually is a member of MENSA). She graduated as valedictorian in high school and in college (one of the top colleges in the US). Perfect SAT score. Got full scholarship to medical school. Currently a radiation oncologist...which any doctor in the US will tell you is one of the toughest specialties to get into. The night before the board certification exam...she went out drinking for a friend's bday! In med school she skipped classes whenever she could...still graduated on top. Since I met her in college...she has partied/goofed off whenever she could...perfect example of a "social butterfly". The reason she became a radiation oncologist? When she was 17, her mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and died a few weeks before her high school graduation. When she was in her 3rd year of medical school, her dad was diagnosed with colon cancer and after a grueling round of chemo/radiation....ended up dying.
Go ask your friend if she would be willing to plan/attend her parents funeral in exchange for being a genius. Because guess what......my friend would give up her intelligence/photographic memory in a heartbeat if she could have her parents back.
Your friend only sees what God has given them. She has no idea about the things God has taken away.
So i was talking to my uni friend the other day and she said something quite interesting.
we were talking about uni grades and how some people get high and others get low grades.
She said how come people like myself (her) who do not go out often, i.e. partying, sheesha, and hardly even go out shopping, to eat etc, who prefers to stay at home with family, prays 5 times a day, reads the quran, doesnt talk to guys unless necessary, spends most of her time doing assignments and studying get such mediocre grades or works until she is all burnt out to get good grades, whereas others who do all of the above, and do not even have to work so hard get such good results.
I personally do not know how hard the latter people work but i do know that they do their work on or a day before deadline day and still get really good results.
Then she mentioned how unfair it is that god is providing them with everything.
I know she shouldnt be thinking like that but couldnt help wonder if this is actually true.
Thoughts please.
She just needs an alternate perspective. Ask her to read the Seerah. If Rasoolullah ( saws ) had to go through so much in this world, who are we to complain. And he is the most successful person in this world as well as next.
Everyone has their own challenges, what may look perfectly fine from your perspective might be completely cracked from another.
About learning and high grades; I have noticed people who lock themselves up in their room to study day and night are usually not the once who end up with the highest grades. My brother is probably what most people would classify as a genius, he has an extremely great memory, used to be engaged in a lot of different activities during college and university. For someone who didn't know him well, it might have looked like he didn't study much and socialized/worked too much, but he did study. His study time used to be from 10 pm - 3 am. Those 5 hours were enough for him because he was focused and concentrated while most of our friends spend 12 hours/day at the library but didn't learn as much as he did because they weren't focused.
Your friend has the wrong understanding that being a good muslim means you will have an easy life. In fact the better you are in deen the more you are tested. Like previous posters have already pointed out e most successful and the best of us all, our prophet pbuh, was severely tested and he is Allah's beloved. She shouldn't envy others, what she sees may be their test. Instead of saying it's not fair which by the way is not what a believer should be doing anyway, she should be thanking Allah for what He's done for her. At least she had the opportunity to study, there are millions who would do anything to gain an education.
"So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?" Qur'an 55:39
Allah Swt tests everyone differently. He tests some by giving, some by taking away.
Have patience, indeed He loves those who are patient and He is also with them.
As muslims, our Iman dictates that we do not put much weight on this world because everything will be taken care of on the Final Day.
So thank Allah for His blessings and keep working towards your Imaan. He might have given others this world and they would have less share in the hereafter.
If you see someone who is happy and enjoying life, be happy for them and praise Allah. It is not your jealousy or envy to notice others. Just dont give up. Classic trick of the Shaitan to misguide people away from Allah.
Firstly it is extremely wrong to consider yourself unlucky Islamically.
Secondly your friend or anyone doesn't know what's inside the other person. It's extremely wrong to judge just because they party .. Allah has told us strictly not to judge who is sinner and who is above who. Only He knows. So we leave it to him.. I know several people who were all rounders. They went out..parties..namaz everything. So everyone has their own balance of things and how they handle it.
Instead of looking at others lives and calling yourself unlucky. Try to improve yourself from within. And Allah will give you more and more.
There is a hadiths regarding this too. I can find its exact text if interested.
