even when you try to indicate to them, that you are a good person, that you could be a really nice person to be around and they still dont see the real you, the good you, not just the fiesty you, then what do you do?
stick with your zeal to prove to them that you are also a good person and persist in letting that person see that you are good
seek help of someone who can help bring the two people together
leave that person alone for good
leave that person alone to rethink over the person’s own misjudgments about you
admit that fate does not want the two together
share your thoughts, if you like.
best,
Dushwari
note: applies to both intimate and non intimate human interactions.
Personally, If I am good, I am good for the sake of Allah and not because I crave for anyone's appreciation. The problem is why would I need people to glorify me when those same people are going to be answerable infront of the same Almighty who created me and them. I do not give a damn about who judges me what and how. My focus always is/should be to strive for doing things that are in accordance of the command of my Creator and His messenger and for the sake of HIM and HIM alone.
So, to choose something from your list, point number 3 and 4 are natural choices.
As for number 1, if I am good and I start to prove myself good just because people can see it, then, my focus of being good is changed and in my faith, that is considered Shirk and Shirk is a Sin - so being good does not really mean that you are good, it can lead you to sin... interesting right:)??
When i’m on the receiving end, that i try to be someones friend but they’re not interested, it kinda hurts but i move on…sometimes some ppl just aren’t interested, and u can’t force it, and i chalk it up to # 5.
on the other hand, i was on the other end of this spectrum where someone was trying to be someone was trying really hard…i finally gave it a shot, and well, lets just say rest is history.. errrr i mean
great, sara516.
that particular insight and consideration that you spoke of, trying to assume the other side's position and you were to feel fair, that is commendabe, indeed.
it always takes two good people who are both committed to a relationship.
thanks for your post. perceptive again and commendable on the side of religio-spiritual. which is good, indeed.
of course Allah swt comes first.
even before Parents.
yet, Allah swt allowed noble and lawful interaction among people.
you are not committing any sin, when you out of care, support something for your spouse and do so genuinely?
it could be for someone other than that relation.
in fact she would have a right over you for that.
when human realtions are the issue, then the choices which you shared, make sense, sometimes.
Based on personal experience, I would go with #4. You can be the nicest person and do everything to make the other person happy, but unless they WANT to like you it will all go to waste. Relationships are like a moving car. If there is only one wheel spinning, you will just be going in circles and go nowhere. Be yourself and let them take you for who you are. If they don't see it in you then don't force it...just move on, but leave the door open if they want to come back.
even when you try to indicate to them, that you are a good person, that you could be a really nice person to be around and they still dont see the real you, the good you, not just the fiesty you, then what do you do?
stick with your zeal to prove to them that you are also a good person and persist in letting that person see that you are good
seek help of someone who can help bring the two people together
leave that person alone for good
leave that person alone to rethink over the person's own misjudgments about you
admit that fate does not want the two together
share your thoughts, if you like.
best,
Dushwari
note: applies to both intimate and non intimate human interactions.
you can't force someone to see something good in you. if you try and be your normal self and they still think you are a crap person, then let it go. in fact, if someone said crap about me, then i would obviously try to make them realise they were wrong (human nature), but there is only so much you can do. you cannot force someone to see good in you. it's not worth it. do you really want to be fighting your whole life trying to prove yourself?
On a somewhat related note--When you're friends with someone (or at least on very good terms)...and suddenly that friendship is just dropped. For no real concrete reason that you can see or they can even give you, they either turn nasty towards you or cut you off and ignore you. Its sad if it's the latter and really hurtful and just immature if it's the former (to be mean). But just like you can't force someone to be friends w/ u, if someone suddenly wants nothing to do w/ u then there's really nothing u can do but to let go and move on. In that situation, i just tell myself that that person was probably never worth it anyway.
thanks sara516. hope is that people wont create this mess, if they are to leave as an insensitive being who does not and cannot be a trutworthy person.
even when you try to indicate to them, that you are a good person, that you could be a really nice person to be around and they still dont see the real you, the good you, not just the fiesty you, then what do you do?
stick with your zeal to prove to them that you are also a good person and persist in letting that person see that you are good
seek help of someone who can help bring the two people together
leave that person alone for good
leave that person alone to rethink over the person's own misjudgments about you
admit that fate does not want the two together
share your thoughts, if you like.
best,
Dushwari
note: applies to both intimate and non intimate human interactions.
Before I actually comment on the thread, I have to say one thing:
Dushwari, you some some real great ideas on starting threads. Great thought provoking threads I must say.
actually lemme share my experience
ok so there’s this girl who i’ve talked to a couple of times and she was nice and stuff but all of a sudden she started telling things to my friend indirectly how i can’t come to her party with my friend
so my friend finally asked her why and this girl thinks i don’t say hello to her when i see her!!..i’m like I never see her!!!..shish the excuses
well so i wanted to clear this up and say “hello” to her whenever i saw her but when i did see her she didn’t even look at me so my hello was a waste :pagli:
I actually have respect for people who can come to me and say directly, look I do not wish to be friends with you.. for whatever reason they may have. If they are upfront that look, we aren't getting along well, let's just stay out of each other's way, etc etc, I would rather have that than someone who is sweet to my face and a b**** behind my back.
Regarding the former, if it is someone I am close to or if it's a family member then it's going to hurt for sure and I would bother to ask what's wrong or how I can improve the friendship/relationship. But if it's someone not worth it then I would appreciate their honesty to come forward to tell me off.
As for people being two faced, I just don't want to do anything with those kind of creatures. You have a problem with me, take it up and let me know. If you want to work things out then be honest and we will. If you don't think talking about it is worth anything then let's stay out of each other's way. It's a big shock and disappointment when people act like they are your best friends and then go behind your back to say nasty things.
I actually have respect for people who can come to me and say directly, look I do not wish to be friends with you.. for whatever reason they may have. If they are upfront that look, we aren't getting along well, let's just stay out of each other's way, etc etc, I would rather have that than someone who is sweet to my face and a b**** behind my back.
Regarding the former, if it is someone I am close to or if it's a family member then it's going to hurt for sure and I would bother to ask what's wrong or how I can improve the friendship/relationship. But if it's someone not worth it then I would appreciate their honesty to come forward to tell me off.
As for people being two faced, I just don't want to do anything with those kind of creatures. You have a problem with me, take it up and let me know. If you want to work things out then be honest and we will. If you don't think talking about it is worth anything then let's stay out of each other's way. It's a big shock and disappointment when people act like they are your best friends and then go behind your back to say nasty things.
sometimes your close family becomes 2-faced which is really sad and in that case what do you do...be all sweet with them just like how they are with you??
^bisoux, i like to distance myself from people who like to create big dramas like that over petty things. recently, i had a major argument with a supposedly close friend who chose one particular day to just argue over small things. you didn't hang out with me, you ignored me and said hello to other people, you didn't tell me the right time for when you were gonna hang out with me, this, that! omg. people just don't realize that some things should be let go of because they are absolutely petty and worthless to ruin a friendship over. not to mention that it hurts too. atleast now i know to keep my distance and to be careful with such people who are that 'sensitive' about smallest of things.
^bisoux, i like to distance myself from people who like to create big dramas like that over petty things. recently, i had a major argument with a supposedly close friend who chose one particular day to just argue over small things. you didn't hang out with me, you ignored me and said hello to other people, you didn't tell me the right time for when you were gonna hang out with me, this, that! omg. people just don't realize that some things should be let go of because they are absolutely petty and worthless to ruin a friendship over. not to mention that it hurts too. atleast now i know to keep my distance and to be careful with such people who are that 'sensitive' about smallest of things.
yea i dunno i can't be with a person like that either and i have distanced myself from one or two people who have been like that because honestly no matter what you do they'll keep complaining
lol, i cannot be sweet to anyone if i know they are jerks to me especially behind my back. i'll give you an example, when i went to pakistan, my mom's entire family of 9 sisters treated me so bad. it was sad because i was there alone without my family and they just made things so hard for me. from stealing my stuff to backbiting about me wearing jeans under abaya to my food habits to my internet usage, it was hell for me there. on top of everything else, they acted all sweet to my face but behind my back, they talked such crap about me. why? because they viewed me as an american and nothing beyond that. and according to them, anyone from abroad is corrupted and what not. then they had a major issue with my fiance (then boyfriend) not belonging to a bihari syed family--- i mean who cares??!!!! i don't give a fudge about him not being from the same cast/area/whatever nonsense it is. and i never gave you the authority to tell me who i can marry and who i cant. yet, they made it their business to meddle all the time.
these were the same aunts who i called to wish them and their kids happy birthdays and on eid and what not. my siblings never bothered being attached to them and now i realize how wise they were to do that. i left pakistan in such a sad state too. i called up my dad crying and asking him to book my ticket because i just couldn't take it anymore. i got back, broke all contact with them, and have not called them even once. once in a while if my mom gives me the phone to say salam or something, i may do that but that too only with my grandfather. for everyone else, i made it very clear to my mom that i do not wish to speak to them again-- if i see them ever in my life, i will say salam but they have lost my respect and trust. it may sound a lil extreme but i just don't want to do anything with someone who has put me through so much.
sometimes your close family becomes 2-faced which is really sad and in that case what do you do...be all sweet with them just like how they are with you??
Before I actually comment on the thread, I have to say one thing:
Dushwari, you some some real great ideas on starting threads. Great thought provoking threads I must say.
errrr i mean 
