Pakistani society is generally called male dominated due to preference given to men throughout their lives, which is true. Concepts of honor killings, lack of female education and the abuse of women further reinforce the above idea. But is it true in the case of the family system we live in? I am looking at this from the perspective on an average middle class Pakistani family. I ask this because I feel a distinction is made between females before and after motherhood.
Mothers in general within the family are highly respected and in the eyes of their children they can’t do much wrong. The son from what I have seen many times sides with the mother in a case of an argument it a male member of the family, be it their father or an uncle. However in the case of sister, usually she is in the wrong – even when she is right. An example to further elaborate on what I mean. A family I know is going through a rough time. They found out that their mother was cheating on their father. To my amazement, the son told me that it was all their fathers fault and the other mans. In his eyes his mother is still up there, as being innocent and have done nothing wrong. To him and his sister, their father drove their mother to commit such a breach of trust. I don’t know the internal family situation, but I find this level of blame one-sided. But for some reason very in line with cultural thinking – from what I can see.
However if this had been a young teenage girl who went out on a date, it would be blown out of proportion. I can bet my life that the female would be blamed for it all and the male in the affair would be left out of the equation completely. Again the blame would be once sided. I find it ironic that once a woman gives birth she is taken as a completely different person. This of course is how I see things happening.
Also the older a woman gets, her stature and power increases esp. If there are a lot of children. Messing with a Nani or dadi is like taking on Hitler at points. They are basically considered the ones who run the affairs of the family, while I think the position of the dada or nana diminishes with time. So to cut this blabbing short, do you think Pakistani society is truly male dominated in the family setting?
I’m just a freedom fighter
No remorse
Raging on in holy war
Soon there’ll come a day
When you’re face to face with me
Society is male dominated be it in Pakistan or in the west. At least in my understanding, it’s just the methods of domination are different and probably there is less intensity.
The reason for sons siding with their mother is probably due to the importance to them by the mothers and vice versa. In the above case, I think people in that family are more aware of the actual situation rather than the people watching from outside and sometimes kids, no matter how young they are, can make good decision based on their experience and first hand knowledge.
Females having more respect after their marriage is natural. It should be due anyway especially when she has given so much sacrifice and dedication to the other family.
Have i answered ur question coz I completely forgot what u wanted to ask?
CM. the reason women in our society come across the way to do is to do with the way the society treats them. Managing household matters is their way of showing that they have at least some control over their own circumstance. If you have ever filled an application form (school, passport, bank, etc.) in Pakistan, you can easily figure out if it is patriarchal or matriarchal society. No one cares to know the name of your mother. Intra-family dynamics (the relationship you mentioned – grandmother to grandkids, etc.) are the same the world over, and are not a reflection of any society with respect to how it treats women.
Your question is about the dynamics within a family, and you are suggesting that women have greater say in the matters. It is not true. In big matters it is almost always the male who decides. Women pretend that they do, but the reality is different. In addition, women get blamed if things go wrong, but men get the credit when they go right, whether or not they had anything to do with it. It will be music to my ears if someone refers to me as a great grandson of Ms Sohni of Jhang. No one does.
Khan Sahib, there i disagree. I don't think there should be a distinction when it comes to respecting women. Women frankly should be treated far more fairly then men. My personal opinion of course. Just because she becomes a mother doesn't mean she should be respected further. She should have been given the same level of respect from the very start.
NYA, agreed no one cares to know the mothers name. That is common all around the world. Due to historical reasons, the man in all societies was the bread winner, and the women were without skills other than taking care of the young. So customs started to dictate that the male be the one the family identified with. Thus you have names like Smith (Iron Smith was the proffession if i am not mistaken) etc.
I am not saying they have greater say in matters. I should have been more clear. I had to questions. One which you answered that women really don't have a say in the family. But i was also trying to say that in Pakistani society women get far more respect due to the fact that they have a household and a family. The larger the family, in my opinion the level of respect increases. Is this true, or could someone please explain to me how it really works?
I’m just a freedom fighter
No remorse
Raging on in holy war
Soon there’ll come a day
When you’re face to face with me