I came across this comment on facebook , someone suggested to bow down and say sorry even if one is not wrong and that it saves relations and rishtedaari’s.
Do you believe its true? is this something that can genuinely help us save relationships . Particularly with the inlaws?
Or do you think doing this much too often will only lead to one getting frustrated with being nice all the time because such is the world that it does not reciprocate goodness any more.
Re: Patience and apologizing
I believe in doing that and it never harms me at all.
Re: Patience and apologizing
depends
like maybe it works perfectly for my brother as he is toooo generous. in my case, I ll get frustrated.
my believe is if i can respect myself I ll be able.to respect others max generous I can get is when someone has done something wrong or said something wrong I stay quite.
Re: Patience and apologizing
I think there is a fine line to be drawn between doing this to "save rishtidaari" and doing it to avoid confrontation and appease someone in their otherwise unreasonable rantings.
You have to figure out where that line is and remember not to cross it otherwise you may be considered spineless and a doormat.
Re: Patience and apologizing
I saw another saying on FB:
Expecting the world to be nice to ou because you're a good person is like expecting a tiger not to eat you because you're a vegetarian.
True and untrue, so....Idk
Re: Patience and apologizing
I am not the kind of person who can apologize when I have done nothing wrong. I do expect common sense in people and they don't necessarily have to apologize to me as long as I can see that they know they are/were in the wrong and are willing to make changes.
Unnecessary ego battles get my blood boiling. Just be a God damn decent human being! I don't know what I'd do if my in-laws end up being such crappy people.
If someone was upset with me, I would try to find out what I did. If I did x and they percieved it as y, I will explain what I intended to do and be sorry for how it was perceived. I will take responsibility if I could have said/done something "better"/differently for example.
Re: Patience and apologizing
It depends on the person. Sometimes apologizing for the time being will get you a bigger apology in a bit when the person you're apologizing to realizes how ridiculous that was.
It can also help when you're trying to shut someone up...you don't care what they THINK or WANT...but since your own time is precious you'll do anything to get out of there.
It does not help though when someone gets used to this behavior and tries to use it against you. You make them bigger by aologizing.
Re: Patience and apologizing
Islamically, you have to divide people into three categories.
-blood relatives
-non blood relatives
-friends and acquaintances
Allah's ruling is very clear on blood relatives and that is:
we are ordered by Allah NOT to severe our blood relatives [silla e raHm]
while Allah likes good relations with everyone else...if we do that we get reward for it and if we don't do it with our blood relatives then we are committing a sin which, if not forgiven by Allah, will be punished in the hereafter.
it is said that if a Muslim shuns another Muslim, he/she is shunned by Allah.
forgiveness is a sunna and practicing it fetches you a great reward from Allah. Prophet [saws] forgave even his worst enemy. we at least can forgive our relatives and friends.
mo'aafii maangne se insaan baRaa hotaa hai, chhoTaa nahiiN!
i always try to be the first in asking for forgiveness even if it isn't my fault. ******
Re: Patience and apologizing
CB, I believe in this and May Allah help me more to practice it.
I base this on a Hadith which I have learnt by heart. It means along the lines of..' I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah, for the one who is not wrong and let's it go."
It has always helped me whenever I tried practicing. Yes, there are a few people, who don't learn but then again they have to be answerable for their deeds and I will be for mine.
In this world we get tempted to get benefits and rewards when a credible authority, say government announces it. Why not try to get something for which the guarantor is the most respectable person on earth.
Oh,n I don't do it to save relations, rather to please Allah... And alhamdulillah He helps me in most miraculous ways
My two cents!
Re: Patience and apologizing
I have been put in that position a few times and I had to swallow my pride and apologize even though I was not in the wrong.
There is a difference between doing something that goes against your principles and doing something that causes harm to you in the long run. Bending over backwards to please people in the name of rishtedaari will only make them expect it more of it later. If that is the case, do not do it. If this is a rare occurrence then there is no point in making it Ana ka masala. I know because main her baat ko apni Ana ka masala bana leti hoon..that is what hubby says. Then I remember, I must do a million things that can be taken the wrong way but I never hear anyone complain. Maybe because they are more forgiving than I am. They are certainly better than me.
Re: Patience and apologizing
It depend becoz sometime it saves relations (if u r asking about inlaws).but for the next time I make little distance from those people who are like these ke galati bi khud karey aur sorry kio aur boley becoz I believe apni ijzat apne hath hoti hai.as far as for husband yes many times I apologize and keep quite to avoid many prblms. But still sometime I think why only women have to compromise in every relation ?sorry I'm not saying mens are wrong I'm just asking about compromise.
Re: Patience and apologizing
"Then I remember, I must do a million things that can be taken the wrong way but I never hear anyone complain. Maybe because they are more forgiving than I am. They are certainly better than me."
Wow. This is profound. Absolutely never looked at things this way.