pasand ki shadi n mums

[arshad5]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

You are a man now, and your mum needs to let you become an independent adult. She needs to encourage you do want you want, rather than trying to continue to run your life. You need to take control and run your own life.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

You are a man now, and your mum needs to let you become an independent adult. She needs to encourage you do want you want, rather than trying to continue to run your life. You need to take control and run your own life.

sure he does....but he needs to take into consideration the feelings of his parents....for they are part of his life.

Besides....without your parents blessings....life is full of misery.

[khawateen]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

baby.. you could be marrying the dream bahu chosen by your mom and STILL after marriage there would be issues.. its only human nature. hell a mom hates her kids at times so this is an outside we are talkin bout... you can have fights with your mom and you better believe it when i say your wife will too

she has given her blessings for this wedding, go with it. ooth kiss taraf bait tha hai, shaadi ke baath patha chalega... your mom could fall in love with your wife.. or she could continue being how she is right now... either way.. its all good.. i say marry her :)

[Aish]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

Sac, this girl will respect your parents perhaps more than a girl your mother may pick for you. You know why? because she loves you, and she’s prepared 4 whatever comes her way. Explain this to your parents. Tell them you love her because she respects her elders, she has values, and she is a good girl.

Please don’t tell her you love her and then let her go because of something like this. Good girls aren’t easy to find

[sac]

You are a man now, and your mum needs to let you become an independent adult. She needs to encourage you do want you want, rather than trying to continue to run your life. You need to take control and run your own life.

you're right, I need to take control, I'm a man now
but you know what, I can be stubborn and say that I'm gonna marry this girl and none else, and thats pretty easy too
What I'm trying to do here, to make a general consensus, trying my mom to get to like her, so that there would be some peace at home afterwards. I think its even more difficult. Warna arrna ek cheez per bohat asan hey.
And mum has got her own concerns, right or wrong is another debate. But if shez stuck at one thing, that too is because she loves me

[sac]

@Lois_Lane

naheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
dhokay baaz

look the bright side
u can join ‘SAC’s Ex Club’
I can give u free membership for life

[Knowledge_is_power_1]

Well as long as your future wife is nice and respectful to you mother then then there is no reason as to why she will not take a liking to her. She can just be generally scared about giving her son to to a girl.

all the best

[njgal]

But I want to tell you a secret. I have three brothers and one is married. Moms who have sons BIGGEST concern is that you'll get so caught up with your wife that you'll forget about Mom and abandon her----or move far far away cause your wife wanted to. So it's good that you're reassuring her, but even better would be if you girl could talk to your mom-PRIVATLY. This is what she should say:

Choti Jaan is exactly right!

You are the MAN and you need to step up and take ownership of the issue. They are YOUR parents and you need to assure both of them (the girl and you mom) and please set expectations.

To your mom - Tell her that you like this girl but she isn't going to take me away from you. AFTER you get married - please set some one on one time with your mom on a weekly basis. Just you and her. She's just possessive since you are the only boy. WHOEVER you marry she will have these feelings

To you wife to be: Tell her that she means the world to you and so does your parents. You would liek to spend 2 hours with her on a weekly basis and hope she doesn't mind. Tell her that your mom feels that you will forget them because you like her so much.

If she feels like that she cannot deal with you parents - then call it off. It's unfair to put her in that position.

[sac]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

^^^ the problem is that my mom is not accepting that shez insecure, not that I've put on a direct question
she keeps on insisting that shez not pretty enough and stuff like that. Baseless issues. I liked her the day I first saw her. Love shove ke chakar tou 2 sal bad shuro hoa. So I know that my own unbaised opinion that shez pretty :D ( better than my mom's son :( )
sigh
Ab its time to go back home, Hope ke halat achay hon ghar per

[njgal]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

Your mom will not like anyone THAT you that you picked out! Even if she is a baeuty queen.

My phoopho did the same thing to my cousin - he REALLY liked a girl and since HE picked her she just started making excuses, she is come from really wealthy family, she is too independent. In my opinion, the girl was perfect for him.

And he let her go. He didn’t stand up to his mom and hasn’t gotten married since then.

[annymou5]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

I think what redvelvet and choti jaan came up with some gud advice

Mothers have this fear that if their son is going to marry with his own choice he’ll might move out eventually and that the girl might be really bold to date a guy then she might aprove to live in a joint family system.

So first you have to tell ur mom is that u made it clear to this girl that you are not gona move out and you will live with your family.

and DO make it clear to the girl..... maybe she is thinking of moving out after sometime..... so its better u not surperize her instead talk to her abt this as well.... Do not just assume things that its all gona b ur way.

This is gona help your mom overcome her insecurity and she will think beyond this when meeting the girl.

I would say taking ur mom out for a lunch or a dinner with this girl is a really gud idea…. I wouldn’t really recommend you to invite her to your house cuz again ur mom might not approve this and think and label her with all kinds of things.... dat if a girl can go to a guy's house with out having a proper relationship then she can do anything.... …… but do talk to your mom before taking her for a lunch or dinner and sort of ask her permission if u can invite her as she wants to meet her.

[Afro-Sheen]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

I agree with what people here said. Please make sure to set up expectations upfront on both parties. Regardless if your mother picked her out, there would still be conflict. A point I wanted to make/ask, is do you plan on living with your parents after marriage? If so, does your wife agree to this, make sure to be very clear in a nice way...becuz believe me down the road you can have many surprises. Also if your mother is not satisfied with this marriage, but you still go ahead with it....please be strong as you WILL be in the middle of possibly many battles. Just learn to be fair & just. Remember "What is right is right & what is wrong is wrong". In the future whether its this girl or someone else you marry remember this justness. There will be times your mom will be insecure and come to you about downfalls/complaints about your wife. Listen to her but judge what is right & wrong honestly without bias for either. Same thing with wife. Because your mom doesnt love her.....your wife may come up with complaints justified/unjustified about your mother to bring you closer.....again just keep a clear mind and do the right thing to try to calm both parties in case of strife.

[sac]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

^^^ Thank you Afroo, really like what you've said. Well I plan to live with my parents. They're old and I'm the only son, moving out is not an option to be considered. I mean, fine they're stubborn about this girl, but at the end of the day, they ARE my parents who have raised me and all u know...
btw, the resistance is slowly decreasing. I'm finally getting a little hope that my mom might accept her.

[Mamaof3]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

sac, could your mom's reluctance to accept your girl be because she had someone else in mind for you? just wondering....I mean she sounds like a lovely gal so i wonder what it is that is making your mom reluctant.

[Sara516]

@sac

^^^ ab marta kia na kerta
I didn’t know where to go for all this desi home made advice So here I am, deep in the ‘life1’ forum , asking for it

and the masla is that the kuri is pretty nazuk jai. Not the larai jhagra type. and if my moms gets a bit harsh wid her, I’d be really like a kabab in a sandwich … on one side , there would be my mom and on the other side, she’d be crying

We’re already discussing these kinda scenarios and lets just say, i’m not having the best of times

I’m continously reassuring my mom. Shez too insecure.

A lil drama at home do wonders wesay. two days in a row, i was stuffing myself up while I was at work. And when I got home, I’d be like , I don’t feel like eating, I’d vomit it out. ( it was true too )
and My ami abu were like, beta don’t be so worried, ham wohi karein ge jo ap chaho gey
They are so cute and I don’t know what they did to deserve a dramay baz like me

prayers needed ppl
I sincerely blv that dua can change everything

aye haye… phir kehte hain sirf larkiyan daramay-baaz hoti hain

@choti_jaan

TOO all the girls out there: I CANT TELL YOU HOW IMPT THIS IS. My brother has been married for two yrs now, and this was a major issue with my SIL. I’ve known since she was a baby, but she NEVER made an effort first to bond with my mom. It was so annoying. It was always my mom who had to make the effort. Like, she never initiated conversaiton with my mom, and there was and still is a lot of awkward silences, cuz convos go two way, you know. She’s getting a teeny bit better. Otherwise she’s a sweetheart, like with me and her friends she’ll be fine- but with my mom and dad she would get so annoyingly quiet.

Slightly offtopic but maybe (and just maybe, since you know her better), she’s not so chatty with ur parentsj ust out of respect? If she’s like this with you and her friends and people of her age, it may just be an age/respect issue.

[Gr8Heera]

@sac

OK herez the story. And I want some sensible advice
I’m the only son, living with my parents, they’re both old and my sisters are all married n Therez this girl, I worked with like 2 years ago for a few months. There was nothing between us back then. Just a lot of respect and we were on friendly terms but nothing more than that. Khair later on, we met again and we got involved into each other.
I’ve always wanted an arranged marriage, so initially I thought it would be best not to tell my mom that we’re involved and make it look like an arranged one. Shouldn’ve have tried to be a smart a$$. My mom had some kind of idea that I like her. and ofcourse she didn’t like her at all Before sending the rishta to her place, I was so sure that she’d like her. and even if she doesn’t, she’d respect my opinion. As for her parents, they have no problem with me.
initially my mom showed such a strong reaction that she doesn’t like her and all that. I went into depression. She saw my condition and sort of agreed. her heart is still not into it but she’d do it for my sake.
But I have this concern about my future with that girl. I mean I don’t want to be sandwiched between my mom and my wife. This girl is like very caring and very well behaved and I have no concerns regarding her. I don’t want them to have any problems betweent hem. They both mean so much to me. Leaving my parents is NOT an option. I love them too and they’re my responsibility. they’ve done so much for me that I can’t ever repay them. And I don’t want to laeve this girl either. She knows about the problems I’m facing at home and she too is worried.
and for this reason, we’re both getting confused as to what to do.
I love her and ofcourse want to marry her
I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings, she feels insecure and all and I’m reassuring her all the time
and most important of all, I dont’ want ke I marry her and then that girl suffers because of me if God forbid, my mom doesn’t accept her dil se
so what should I do
P.S. ‘istikhara’ on both sides are fine

When parents say no there might be some reason to say no.

Sometimes parents without any reason say no because whey guy get married he only listens and believes to the girl and not to the family. That scare them and they don’t want to lose their son.

If istikhara is good then you guys can go for it. If any or both of them are not good for each other then Allah will help you.

It’s your responsibility to have a balance between your mom, sisters and wife.

No matter you marry the girl you love or your moms pasand there will be problems between 2 of them as it’s going on from sadiaan (many years).

If anyone starts anything wrong then there are problem. It’s your responsiblity to find out truth if any problem is there and do good to correct the mis understanding and do Imaandari no baymaani with anyone. Allah will help you.

[Gr8Heera]

Re: pasand ki shadi n mums

Shahad ki makhkhi kay chattay main haath dalna to darna kia.

Jub pyaar kia to darna kia.