pasand ki shadi n mums

choti_jaan · January 20, 2009, 10:38pm

OK herez the story. And I want some sensible advice
I’m the only son, living with my parents, they’re both old and my sisters are all married n Therez this girl, I worked with like 2 years ago for a few months. There was nothing between us back then. Just a lot of respect and we were on friendly terms but nothing more than that. Khair later on, we met again and we got involved into each other.
I’ve always wanted an arranged marriage, so initially I thought it would be best not to tell my mom that we’re involved and make it look like an arranged one. Shouldn’ve have tried to be a smart a$$. My mom had some kind of idea that I like her. and ofcourse she didn’t like her at all Before sending the rishta to her place, I was so sure that she’d like her. and even if she doesn’t, she’d respect my opinion. As for her parents, they have no problem with me.
initially my mom showed such a strong reaction that she doesn’t like her and all that. I went into depression. She saw my condition and sort of agreed. her heart is still not into it but she’d do it for my sake.
But I have this concern about my future with that girl. I mean I don’t want to be sandwiched between my mom and my wife. This girl is like very caring and very well behaved and I have no concerns regarding her. I don’t want them to have any problems betweent hem. They both mean so much to me. Leaving my parents is NOT an option. I love them too and they’re my responsibility. they’ve done so much for me that I can’t ever repay them. And I don’t want to laeve this girl either. She knows about the problems I’m facing at home and she too is worried.
and for this reason, we’re both getting confused as to what to do.
I love her and ofcourse want to marry her
I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings, she feels insecure and all and I’m reassuring her all the time
and most important of all, I dont’ want ke I marry her and then that girl suffers because of me if God forbid, my mom doesn’t accept her dil se
so what should I do
P.S. ‘istikhara’ on both sides are fine

You’re such a good son! And I’m sure you’ll make a good husband to. I say go for it! Your mom is giving you the go signal, and you’re doing a good job reassuring her.

But I want to tell you a secret. I have three brothers and one is married. Moms who have sons BIGGEST concern is that you’ll get so caught up with your wife that you’ll forget about Mom and abandon her----or move far far away cause your wife wanted to. So it’s good that you’re reassuring her, but even better would be if you girl could talk to your mom-PRIVATLY. This is what she should say:

“You have done such a great job raising your son, and your son respects and cares about you so much and I will try try my best to the best daughter in law for you, because I know it would make your son very very happy. I just want to reassure you that we plan on staying as close to as possible with you, and I hope you are okay with me marrying you son.”

or something to that extent. Your mom will love her to death then. Either way make sure YOUR GIRL is reassuring your mom, not just you (your mom already knows your the best little boy, who would do anything possible for the mom- she needs reassurance that your girl won’t brainwash you and dump your parents).