You come across numerous threads and situations where parents are not willing to accept that their children are no longer babies. They need their independence, they need to explore the world as the “babies” will not have their parents with them all their life.
Why is it so hard for parents to let go of their child?
You come across numerous threads and situations where parents are not willing to accept that their children are no longer babies. They need their independence, they need to explore the world as the "babies" will not have their parents with them all their life.
Why is it so hard for parents to let go of their child?
It's a frustrating problem that many kids....who are now adults...even struggle with.
I guess it depends on many reasons. If you think about it.....parents take care of our every need when we are children. Not just our basic needs such as food, clothes, shelter, education. But when we're young they shape our beliefs and guide us. Also, when we're young.....we are more easier to control. And childhood is a pretty long period. Let's assume that a kid begins to express the need for independence at 16. So up until that age, the parents felt more in control. 15/16 years of being more in control of your kid ......and then to have to loosen up is a pretty tough thing to do for many parents.
And then culture plays a role as well. Desi culture places greater emphasis on obedience to parents. Look at the many threads that you will find in the Life Forum where adults are having a hard time marrying someone of their choice because a parent's wishes/sometimes ego is getting in the way. Or look at the threads where a girl/guy is being pressured/blackmailed by their parents to marry someone they are not interested in. And some parents living abroad may be even stricter for fear that the West might corrupt their children and remove them far away from their culture.
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Gender also plays a role*. Desi girls have it tougher in our society. Parents are more strict with their daughters because their reputations are more fragile and any misstep can hinder "rishta chances." Some parents take this fear to an extreme and even prevent their daughters from even getting a higher education.
*
And let's not forget cycles**. They say that you are more likely to raise your child the way your parents raised you. So, it can become like a cycle. Where parents repeat the type of upbringing they themselves went through as kids.
**Personality of Children: **Also, some "children" have a harder time growing up and becoming adults. They might still display severe irresponsibilty even after becoming an adult such as (not caring about education, not getting a job, not holding a job, not paying the bills, getting into trouble with the law, substance abuse). In such a sitation, parents feel like they still to get their kid out of his/her messes because the kid refuses to become an adult.
A friend of mine once said that there was this prominent Muslim figure (writer? psychologist? can't remember) who said that parents should act like guides/mentors to their children when they are younger.....but after a certain ages....the parent needs to "relax" the role of mentor.....and adopt the role of a companion/friend toward their children. In other words, there needs to be an adjustment/shift in parenting when the kids become older.
It's a frustrating problem that many kids....who are now adults...even struggle with.
I guess it depends on many reasons. If you think about it.....parents take care of our every need when we are children. Not just our basic needs such as food, clothes, shelter, education. But when we're young they shape our beliefs and guide us. Also, when we're young.....we are more easier to control. And childhood is a pretty long period. Let's assume that a kid begins to express the need for independence at 16. So up until that age, the parents felt more in control. 15/16 years of being more in control of your kid ......and then to have to loosen up is a pretty tough thing to do for many parents.
And then culture plays a role as well. Desi culture places greater emphasis on obedience to parents. Look at the many threads that you will find in the Life Forum where adults are having a hard time marrying someone of their choice because a parent's wishes/sometimes ego is getting in the way. Or look at the threads where a girl/guy is being pressured/blackmailed by their parents to marry someone they are not interested in. And some parents living abroad may be even stricter for fear that the West might corrupt their children and remove them far away from their culture. ** Gender also plays a role*. Desi girls have it tougher in our society. Parents are more strict with their daughters because their reputations are more fragile and any misstep can hinder "rishta chances." Some parents take this fear to an extreme and even prevent their daughters from even getting a higher education. * And let's not forget cycles**. They say that you are more likely to raise your child the way your parents raised you. So, it can become like a cycle. Where parents repeat the type of upbringing they themselves went through as kids.
**Personality of Children: **Also, some "children" have a harder time growing up and becoming adults. They might still display severe irresponsibilty even after becoming an adult such as (not caring about education, not getting a job, not holding a job, not paying the bills, getting into trouble with the law, substance abuse). In such a sitation, parents feel like they still to get their kid out of his/her messes because the kid refuses to become an adult.
A friend of mine once said that there was this prominent Muslim figure (writer? psychologist? can't remember) who said that parents should act like guides/mentors to their children when they are younger.....but after a certain ages....the parent needs to "relax" the role of mentor.....and adopt the role of a companion/friend toward their children. In other words, there needs to be an adjustment/shift in parenting when the kids become older.
:) well put redvelvet
Re: Parents
**For a Parent ...Ur always gonna be their baby whether your 4 or 40 ! **
What they do or say stems from the love that they feel for you and wanting the best for you , sometimes those decisons may not make sense to you now but they will when u become a parent .
So , Yes it is hard for any parent to let go of something that they have created and nutrured and protected and instead of resenting that , as children we should feel blessed to have parents who still look out for our interests even when we are independant individuals as oppposed to parents here in the west who forgo any parently rights when a child turns 18 and leaves home whichever comes first .