So lately I have noticed that a lot of young couples around me dont really let their children do their own stuff .. either they are like “oh they are just so slow” or “main jaldi se kar deti hoon, aur kaam bhi to karne hain” (about eating or putting on clothes) .. Particularly there is one family friend who has quite a few kiddos and she is very fit herself too, but her kids literally do nothing on their own. She spoon feeds them all (The eldest is 6 yrs old) for each meal, bath them, give them clothes and shoes on. Bache bus aram se paithe rehte hain or if they are asked to do something, they simply refuse it. How to avoid such situation? How did you learn your kids to be “independent” and how much “work” should a 4-6 yr old child be able to do himself?
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
I think sociery dictates a lot too though ofcourse u should use ure senses too
Danish mentality is, get the kid as independant as u can, asap. Ya it takes a whole load off the parent for simple tasks like feeding, sittong on the toilet seat, xlothing one self.... Heck its so common seeing a 7 monyh old feeding emselves cuz thats parenting here.... A lot of this comes from day care
My son just started and the caregiver was saying he is a bit late at the concept of self feeding... Cuz he cant load his spoon propwrly or cut with a knife. A 1 yr old was doing it like a pro!!!!
Its definately amazing, but i doubt i would put that kina pressure on him myself.. Maybe cuz im one of this imaptient parents who cant handle it if the kid sits and olays with its food for an hour rather than eat. Not cuz its not hungry, but cuz it just finds eating boring. I would like to see how daycare caregiver handle him... I hope the monkey see monkey do concept works. So far they are failing vut he has only gone for 3 days.
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
So lately I have noticed that a lot of young couples around me dont really let their children do their own stuff .. either they are like "oh they are just so slow" or "main jaldi se kar deti hoon, aur kaam bhi to karne hain" (about eating or putting on clothes) .. Particularly there is one family friend who has quite a few kiddos and she is very fit herself too, but her kids literally do nothing on their own. She spoon feeds them all (The eldest is 6 yrs old) for each meal, bath them, give them clothes and shoes on. Bache bus aram se paithe rehte hain or if they are asked to do something, they simply refuse it. How to avoid such situation? How did you learn your kids to be "independent" and how much "work" should a 4-6 yr old child be able to do himself?
**i think parents want their kids to excel in education so they think the kids must NOT waste a lot of their time in doing chores or worry about doing laundry or putting their clothes away. They see themselves in a supporting role so their kids can concentrate on their education.
that's why i believe the kids must move out when they start university and that's when they learn to do things themselves. it teaches them how to take responsibility in running their lives effectively. living on-campus is a great tool and experience.
**
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
I think sociery dictates a lot too though ofcourse u should use ure senses too
Danish mentality is, get the kid as independant as u can, asap. Ya it takes a whole load off the parent for simple tasks like feeding, sittong on the toilet seat, xlothing one self.... Heck its so common seeing a 7 monyh old feeding emselves cuz thats parenting here.... A lot of this comes from day care
My son just started and the caregiver was saying he is a bit late at the concept of self feeding... Cuz he cant load his spoon propwrly or cut with a knife. A 1 yr old was doing it like a pro!!!!
Its definately amazing, but i doubt i would put that kina pressure on him myself.. Maybe cuz im one of this imaptient parents who cant handle it if the kid sits and olays with its food for an hour rather than eat. Not cuz its not hungry, but cuz it just finds eating boring. I would like to see how daycare caregiver handle him... I hope the monkey see monkey do concept works. So far they are failing vut he has only gone for 3 days.
Well.. I think thats the problem with me, I grew up in Dk so I have the danish mentality! I think a child should be left to do his things instead of always babysitting it, yes it will be a chaos at first, but at some time he will get hang of it .. but desi folks are sooo obsessed with cleaness aur jaldi se kaam karo! Actually, just this weekend, the above mentioned mum was jongling around the dinning table, feeding 4 of her kids while they were all sitting with their hands on their laps.. Made me want to slap her for not making them do it themselves, but then again, I am not a parent, I dont know what the rush is either
Point to be noted: None of the kids are unable to eat (aged 3-6). I have seen them eating on their own, when mummy dear wasnt around and I had to babysit them, but of course it was a hassle!
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
**i think parents want their kids to excel in education so they think the kids must NOT waste a lot of their time in doing chores or worry about doing laundry or putting their clothes away. They see themselves in a supporting role so their kids can concentrate on their education.
that's why i believe the kids must move out when they start university and that's when they learn to do things themselves. it teaches them how to take responsibility in running their lives effectively. living on-campus is a great tool and experience. **
Are you kidding me? You think kids should be 18-20 years old (because thats basically when kids go to uni here) before they start doing their own things? Doing their own things like eating, putting stuff away, doing some chores around the house, will have a negative impact on their studies? Can I ask you something, are you by any means from India? Because thats how my indian friends have been raised. Kuch bhi na karo, bas padho and end up in a dorm not knowing how to even boil pasta or wash ur undies!.. Errr sorry, I just dont understand this at all :(
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
:hinna: i know a girl who is 24 yrs old and her mum doesnt let her do anything in the kitchen…cuz she says waisey bhi baaqi umer usne kitchen mai he guzarni hai…tou abhi se kyon:bummer:
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
Are you kidding me? You think kids should be 18-20 years old (because thats basically when kids go to uni here) before they start doing their own things? Doing their own things like eating, putting stuff away, doing some chores around the house, will have a negative impact on their studies? Can I ask you something, are you by any means from India? Because thats how my indian friends have been raised. Kuch bhi na karo, bas padho and end up in a dorm not knowing how to even boil pasta or wash ur undies!.. Errr sorry, I just dont understand this at all :(
**btw, u mistook me...it wasn't my saying so...that's what most parents do when it comes to taking care of their kids.
i believe as long as the kids are with their parents, they will NOT learn anything [because parents won't let them]...the earliest they can leave their protected nest is when they start university. i think kids must NOT stay at home with parents after High School...they must move out and live on campus BUT keep a close tie with their homes.**
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
^Well unfortunalty, I know such a case too. The mother married off daughter no. 1 at an early age (21) and now daughter no. 2 is 27 years old. She does nada, bas araam se TV/internet ko enjoy karti hai. Ammi jo hain karne ke liye. Mother is just like "oh I want to give her all the araam now which I didnt give daughter no. 1" .. Like seriously? You think you are doing her a favor?
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
**btw, u mistook me...it wasn't my saying so...that's what most parents do when it comes to taking care of their kids.
i believe as long as the kids are with their parents, they will NOT learn anything [because parents won't let them]...the earliest they can leave their protected nest is when they start university. i think kids must NOT stay at home with parents after High School...they must move out and live on campus BUT keep a close tie with their homes.**
oh.. yes makes better sense now .. Thats true too .. but I'm talking about younger kids.. like 5-6 yr old who just sit their waiting for mamajee's nawala!
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
oh.. yes makes better sense now .. Thats true too .. but I'm talking about younger kids.. like 5-6 yr old who just sit their waiting for mamajee's nawala!
**this catch-22 situation is in full swing by the time a kid is able to do things.
btw yes, i'm from Lucknow, India but i don't think it's ONLY with Indian parents. i've seen so many Paksitani families doing the same. we are the same people [indo-paki muslims] divided by borders. u may NOT agree with me but this is my firm belief :)**
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
**this catch-22 situation is in full swing by the time a kid is able to do things.
btw yes, i'm from Lucknow, India but i don't think it's ONLY with Indian parents. i've seen so many Paksitani families doing the same. we are the same people [indo-paki muslims] divided by borders. u may NOT agree with me but this is my firm belief :)**
We are the same people, but Indians are generally much more into education (Here at least) and higher studies than Pakistanis. Pakistanis nowadays are of course getting just as crazy, but in India, the focus is much more. There is nothing wrong with it, but I dont think you prep your kid for life by telling him to stick his nose into books just .. Not today at least.
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
We are the same people, but Indians are generally much more into education (Here at least) and higher studies than Pakistanis. Pakistanis nowadays are of course getting just as crazy, but in India, the focus is much more. There is nothing wrong with it, but I dont think you prep your kid for life by telling him to stick his nose into books just .. Not today at least.
**agree...here in Canada, to be successful in securing admission to professional courses, you just don't need great grades alone, you have to be a 'rounded person' ... you must have a lot of voluntary/paid experiences, you must bring in a stable and balanced academic and non academic credentials.
my nephew wants to be a veterinarian, and he is doing paid summer research work at his university, he is volunteering at handicapped bird hospital, he is also volunteering with local food-band [run by House of Friendship] ... this is what he needs with high grades to eb able to get into Ontario's ONLY Vet College.**
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
Re: Parents who keep babying their kids ..
Not sure what will happen when my kid is 5-6 years old but right now he is 2 and I prefer feeding him myself (breakfast and dinner)
He is small (i dont mean by age but in terms of weight, height) and does not eat much , only snacks and milk, juice etc when he is t the daycare during the day. If I let him be independent and give him his dinner, he will just play with it after 1 or 2 bites ..thats what he does with his lunch at the daycare. He has always gone to the daycare and I have tried the 'let him be independent' approach but it was difficult with him not eating anything at all and then ask for milk throughout the night cuz he is hungry.
He eats his snacks himself.
For the other chores, I do ask him to start cleaning up. He hates it but unless he starts cleaning up, I dont go and start picking up his toys so he eventually starts cleaning up and then I go and help him. I need a lot of patience for this ... I was a cleanliness freak but in order for him to learn I have to stay patient and ignore the mess until he starts it. Its difficult and ofcourse takes more time as I have to wait and wait and sometimes he cries to get out of it but yes it is difficult for someone who is used to keeping things organized and clean but at the same time I want him to learn doing things himself.
I agree with KKF that in Pakistan many parents have this apporach that the kids should concentrate on studies and so they do all the work for them.