SO last night my close friend called me, she has a little sister…about 15 years old.
Last night her mobile phone bill came through, and they found out she had been texting someone 1000 texts a month and the bill was £300 pounds!
When they asked her who it was, she started crying and so her brother called the number and it was some boy.
They asked her how she got this number, she said that 2 months ago when her family friend came to visit this friend gave her the number of 3 random boys, and she started texting them.
Now the main reason the whole family was angry is because she was texting some random person, in another city, and no idea who it was! they were concerend for her safety and also her naiivity and doing this. ALso the girls cousin of the same age was also there and didnt get any numbers, so they are concerened about her nature and why she was so curious/interested.
Their mum is very very upset and not talking to her daughter, and asking the older sister what she should do, the older sister had no idea what to suggest…to get the message through that they lover her and want her safety but also punish her as she did somethng wrong, so she rung me, and now im asking you guys!
Well. instead of alienating her, they should have a talk with her and explain why they think it was a bad idea. Then they should take her cell phone privileges away for a while. They also should spend some time with her and involve in some constructive activities.
The worst thing to do would be to just brush it all under the carpet like nothing happened.
This issue needs to be directly dealt with, meaning both parents need to sit with her and discuss what happened, why it happened, and why they are upset...their main concern i assume is for her, and her safety, so they need to vocalise that to her to make her understand.
Also, you have to think why, when presented with the numbers, did she engage in the texting? Boredom? Children, when they get to a certain age, do become curious, so like Nik said, it is important that she is involved with positive activities that keep her engaged.
And definitely take away her mobile phone privileges until she can re-earn her parents' trust.
In this family, unfortunately the father has very little involvement with the children he has pretty much no relationhship with them...he doesnt know what subjects they are taking, who their friends are etc etc, he doesnt really talk to them.
So its upto the mum and her big sister and brother.
They have talked to her saying they are concerened for he safety and they feel she understands and they have taken away her phone and internet.
The one thing they are concerned about is why she took the numbers and why she started texting these boys when her cousin didnt and what they can do to reinforce the message that 1) dont contact people you know nothing about and 2) she is too young to be getting involved with boys in this way.
Its a very stressful time for their mum as the eldest son is a big mess too!
In this family, unfortunately the father has very little involvement with the children he has pretty much no relationhship with them...he doesnt know what subjects they are taking, who their friends are etc etc, he doesnt really talk to them.
So its upto the mum and her big sister and brother.
They have talked to her saying they are concerened for he safety and they feel she understands and they have taken away her phone and internet.
The one thing they are concerned about is why she took the numbers and why she started texting these boys when her cousin didnt and what they can do to reinforce the message that 1) dont contact people you know nothing about and 2) she is too young to be getting involved with boys in this way.
Its a very stressful time for their mum as the eldest son is a big mess too!
I have the exact same relationship with my father and similar situation with my brothers. I think if I was her situation then the only person I'd listen to is the elder sister and mom but it really depends what sort of relationship she has with them. Involve someone she trusts and respects. She certainly needs someone to talk to her and explain why it is wrong and not safe for her rather than threaten her freedom which is not going to do any good.
Their mum is very very upset and not talking to her daughter,
The mother needs some good beating here! Stupid mom.
What good will it do if she stops talking to her daughter?
Actually I strongly believe the mother has a very important role to play NOW. Instead of distancing away from her daughter, she needs to be a more supportive parent. Someone who makes her kid uunderstand that what she did was wrong, then explain to her why it was wrong. Then allow the daughter to talk to her. Make her a companion, instead of alianating her.
From what you have shared it seems that there are two very irresponsible parents here.
The father has little to no relationship with the kids and the mother deems it fit to alienate the daughter at a very critical time.
Tell the mother to open up and talk to the girl MORE than she normally would.
Sounds more like the mother thinks there is something wrong with her daughter's natural curiosity and interest in the opposite gender.
it's not the end of the world. Children these days go a bit over board with the texting thing.
But obviously the parents need to step in and set up some expectation with their daughter. 1000 texts a month WOW - that takes some serious effort. Where are the parents while this is going on?
Was a expectation not set before giving these privledges to the kids?
Instead of having a "all hell is broken loose desi drama" - they should take some time to talk to the daughter one on one and let her know this type of behavior is not acceptable
I agree with most of the posters here. Alienating this girl is not the solution to what has happened.
It is not all her fault either , when she was given a mobile phone her mother should have laid some ground rules also.
Children should not be given the texting option on mobile phone. Even if they are not into texting other lonely and bored kids will paster them with their text messages. I found out my son was getting thousands of text messages from other kids , but he was hardly texting anybody . So I got the texting option blocked from his phone. If someone feel the needs to talk to him , they can call. Since texting does not cost as much as actual conversation on mobile phones kids want to do texting for the heck of it.
The situation with the family is not good at the moment.
My friend called me ( she lives 8 hours away) i wish i could go and see her! but the family dont know me so they wouldnt want me there...anywayyyyyyyy
The situation...the mum tried to tell the dad whats going on and he didnt want to listen...he said he cant be bothered...WHAT THE HELL!!! i dnt know this family personally but i cant believe thats true....
And the mum still isnt talking to the daughter and she just sits in her room all day and cries and doesnt eat...
it just sounds like a downward spiral to me.
The big sister is very distressed and doesnt know what to do!
Elder sister should talk to her mum and her younger sister.Elder sister should advice mom to listen and talk to her daughter as she is too young and alienating her will not resolve the issue.
I dont know what one can do in this situation as I have had a similar experience myself..
problem is everyone is saying to talk to the sister...the one whose been calling and texting these guys..what a lot of u dont realise is that a girl of the age of 15 is not going to listen..infact when u take the fone away from her she will rebel more and most probably tink abt running away
In Uk this is a big issue for desi families...and most girls just contact the local council and social services and say that my family restrict me to do stuff and im depressed and 2 days later the social services will take their daughter away from them..i have seen this happen and it makes me mad..
i feel for this family...and i really hope that girl has some sense..apologises for the distress shes causing to the family and inshallah tings can get better..
i myself dont know what i wud do in this situation....it wud be very hard 2 trust her again...
it might just be texting...not the end of the world! But, if this issue is ignored 2day then 2morrow it wud be sumfin else..
This is a big problem for desis in foreign countries unfortunately..May Allah give all children naeki ki hadayth inshallah ameen!
Big sister needs to talk to Mum, and make her understand that she needs to talk to her daughter,
Crying about it and sitting in the room all day won't make it go away and neither will having a go at the 15 year old.
this is an extremely delicate situation, push that girl too much she'll push you so far away you won't have any idea what is happeneing in her life and if there is anything wrong.
Curiosity, Lonliness and not having the a good connnection with Parents ESPECIALLY dad are big factors in this.
give her lot's of attention, talk to her, ask her feelings,DON'T PUNISH HER
if the girl is seeing what she is doing hurt everyone so much, that is also a punishment. but she also needs at least her sister to support her....and have a heart-to- heart
If you are in touch with the sister then tell her to talk to the girl.
There seems to be something at play that you, perhaps, are not completely aware of.