Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
23! seriously? Code red? It’s not even code blue! 23 is a red alert age in Pakistan! (with a little speculation obviously! 
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You are 23 and you are in UK and you sound normal, I have a good feeling you’ll find someone even if you are 26.
Judgement is based on solely what you’ve written in this thread.
Why not give a lot of hugs to your parents, un-roll that prayer mat and go for istikhara ?
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Fear of not finding a better rishta is no reason to rush getting married. You're only 23 and there's no shortage of men in this world so don't desperately settle for someone you don't see yourself compatible with.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
If he does not share the same interests and that's what you want, then don't settle for this. You're still very young, your age is not an issue. Don't let that bother you. Focus on what you want in a life partner and if this guy has what your looking for...this is about the rest of your life.You can easily get married now but will you be able to maintain it, that's the real question. don't rush this or feel pressured .You have the rest of your life ahead of you, you need to be happy with your decision.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Marriage is not that important. Most of the time it's stressful, may work, may not work. And I doubt it would make you happy. I would say pursue your career, find a reason what wakes you up every morning etc And IF you find someone nice along the way it's fine. Otherwise you don't really need anyone. Just have fun in life. Figure sonethig out early on to hold on to when something goes south.
Society tells you getting married with a house and a dog and couple of kids makes you happy. Where is the evidence? There is none.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Please do expand on have fun in life. I fear it's too subtle for us to interpret reasonably.
Marriage is not that important. Most of the time it's stressful, may work, may not work. And I doubt it would make you happy. I would say pursue your career, find a reason what wakes you up every morning etc And IF you find someone nice along the way it's fine. Otherwise you don't really need anyone. Just have fun in life. Figure sonethig out early on to hold on to when something goes south.
Society tells you getting married with a house and a dog and couple of kids makes you happy. Where is the evidence? There is none.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
If he is rich and/or handsome say yes right away.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
I haven't actually seen the guy since I was 14. I have forgotten what he looks like and I don't know what his personality is. He has left the decision of finding a wife to his parents. He said hes 100% sure his parents will make the right decision So its kind of awkward on part of my parents to say let see pics. Although, they are going to share pics etc but after I've agreed.
The fact that his parents aren't willing to share recent pictures showing exactly what he looks like should be a BIG red flag for you. Do not agree to marry ANYONE (regardless of your age) without seeing a recent picture. To be honest, given that this is such an important decision, you need to insist on having 1 face-to-face meeting with him before agreeing to marriage.
Whoever you marry will change your future....either for good or bad. You have to share a bed with that person every night. Potentially raise children. ALL your decisions will be effected by his personality and his future goals. Tell your parents that they need to put your happiness first and put aside their awkwardness. Plan a trip to Pakistan, meet the guy/his parents in person, and then make a decision as to whether you want this guy as your life partner.
BTW, I met my husband when I was 28. Most of my cousins and friends got married in their late 20's/early 30's. Heck even my mom and dad married when my mom was 29 and that was over 30 years ago! You seem like a smart woman. You mentioned the few cases of cousins who are older and not married. But you need to look at the women that did get married. ALL the women around you.....cousins, friends etc......did ALL the married women get married by 23? You don't know ANY women personally that got married in their late 20's or older?
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
I dunno. You don't know someone until you start living with them. If he's nice, shareef, educated, earns well, and also a "gem," then that's a pretty good foundation. Physical attraction is complex. Some folks can look past certain physical features and others can't. It's important to put your best effort. Because then at least you can say to yourself that I tried my best and kept an open mind and it wasn't meant to be as opposed to finding yourself at an older age and wondering if maybe you made the mistake of being too picky or too lax or frivolous. And do istikhara but don't obsess over dreams and omens; just look at the final outcome of events. If rishta is good for you, it will materialize. If it's not good for you, Allah will remove it from your path. We Desis have mucked up istikhara process too.
Agreed.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Paheli, the guy is from the UK not back home..
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Please do expand on have fun in life. I fear it's too subtle for us to interpret reasonably.
Fun can be anything except getting Chlamydia
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Paheli, the guy is from the UK not back home..
Ah I missed that. That's even better! If he's in the UK too, there is absolutely no reason why OP and the guy can't meet in person before she agrees to marry him.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Ah I missed that. That's even better! If he's in the UK too, there is absolutely no reason why OP and the guy can't meet in person before she agrees to marry him.
True but the only issue is that the guy has already agreed to the marriage as he trusts his parents choice. the elders view it as besharam that a girl is requesting to get to know The guy.Personally I don't feel comfortable at all marrying some one Without getting to know him. BUT this isn't how my parents are thinking. They don't even consider this a major issue as back in the day my parents got married without even seeing each other's photos. they're happily married and so they think its not that important knowing someone first.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
True but the only issue is that the guy has already agreed to the marriage as he trusts his parents choice. the elders view it as besharam that a girl is requesting to get to know The guy.Personally I don't feel comfortable at all marrying some one Without getting to know him. BUT this isn't how my parents are thinking. They don't even consider this a major issue as back in the day my parents got married without even seeing each other's photos. they're happily married and so they think its not that important knowing someone first.
Are you not in contact with him at all then? There has to be a way for you to get a hold of him (phone/email/FB). And when you do, then you should tell him that you still don't know him that well and that your parents are not allowing for that to happen as they feel it's wrong and that's why you can't readily agree to the rishta but you're facing pressure from your parents. Also discuss career goals with him. Let him know about your constraints. He's your cousin, so maybe take him into confidence and he could try to help you out by telling his own parents to slow down. Since your own parents aren't budging to your pleas and if you don't have sibling or relative that can convince parents on your behalf, then try to find a way to get in touch with guy. You may have to exert some effort in doing so, but consider it.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
True but the only issue is that the guy has already agreed to the marriage as he trusts his parents choice. the elders view it as besharam that a girl is requesting to get to know The guy.Personally I don't feel comfortable at all marrying some one Without getting to know him. BUT this isn't how my parents are thinking. They don't even consider this a major issue as back in the day my parents got married without even seeing each other's photos. they're happily married and so they think its not that important knowing someone first.
Just because someone else is willing to jump off a bridge, doesn't mean you have to do the same. What that guy is willing to do with his future is not your concern right now.
Your initial post in this thread asked whether you should be worried about getting a rishta if you say "no" this. The answer to your question is no. But I get the feeling you already knew it. I think in your heart and brain, you already know that life doesn't end at 23 and that if you say "no" to this, you still have plenty of hope in the future for rishtas.
No one can help you in this situation. You are the only one who can actually do anything. You have every right to meet a guy in person before saying test to marrying him. Your parents and other elders won't be sharing their life with the guy. YOU will. If a little voice inside you is telling you that this is a bad idea....then listen to that voice.
BTW, I think it's really weird that he's also in the UK but you haven't seen him in 9 YEARS. Your parents never visit his parents (or vice versa) for Eid or any other occasion? Your family members never share pictures? You don't have your cousins on Facebook or any other social media?
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
Just because someone else is willing to jump off a bridge, doesn't mean you have to do the same. What that guy is willing to do with his future is not your concern right now.
Your initial post in this thread asked whether you should be worried about getting a rishta if you say "no" this. The answer to your question is no. But I get the feeling you already knew it. I think in your heart and brain, you already know that life doesn't end at 23 and that if you say "no" to this, you still have plenty of hope in the future for rishtas.
No one can help you in this situation. You are the only one who can actually do anything. You have every right to meet a guy in person before saying test to marrying him. Your parents and other elders won't be sharing their life with the guy. YOU will. If a little voice inside you is telling you that this is a bad idea....then listen to that voice.
BTW, I think it's really weird that he's also in the UK but you haven't seen him in 9 YEARS. Your parents never visit his parents (or vice versa) for Eid or any other occasion? Your family members never share pictures? You don't have your cousins on Facebook or any other social media?
We aren't cousins. we are far relatives. we live quite a distant apart and our families weren't really in touch before the proposal to be honest . Maybe the odd phone call but that's it.
I get what you and others are saying. it's a big decision obviously , I have to spend my whole life with him. I must not rush things.
I'm going to try to get a have a phone convo with him after telling my mum my concerns.she'll hopefully understand and I'll see how it goes from there ..
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
I was always very weary of guys that left the decision entirely to their parents whilst going through the rishta process. To me, when a guy shows no interest in getting to know you or even meeting you before agreeing to marry you, it just screams danger! The not sharing a recent pic until you agree should also raise many red flags for you. In this day and age it is nothing out of the ordinary to request pictures before you meet and then have a little time to get to know the other person before signing away your life.
Sit with your parents and share your concerns. Parent panic, it's in their nature. Be calm and rational and explain your side of the story. They'll get it eventually.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
OK, I'll be the religious aunty and tell you to do an istkhara. Even if you're waffling over whether to say no or not you'll find yourself feeling more confident with your decision.
And have your parents even done the basics like find out the character of the guy? Just because they know the parents doesn't mean they know the guy. Get a male bro or cousin to check him out thoroughly. Facebook stalk with zero shame (you dont have to add him), ask about him from closer cousins you guys know mutually. Parents are not going to be of much help if something shady comes out so only you will have to suffer the consequences if your parents get too desperate and ignore any red flags.
Also tell your parents you're applying for further studies and since no sensible, educated family is going to say no to a dil studying in her engagement period you will have your answer about what kind of people they are if the future in-laws say no. Getting married is not a jail sentence so folks who act like your non-controversial life plans cannot happen simultaneously to your married life are not worth it.
Re: Parents want me to say yes to a rishta because they think I might not get another
If it is considered too besharam, meet the guy in the presence of someone. You can all go out for coffee and have a chat. Plus, having people around you who can get you both talking will take care of the awkwardness. 
Personally, my advice would be to meet the guy first, in person. And you are still very young. 25-26 is not too late. I personally know women who got married as late as 35-37, had kids and are living happily. I am not telling you to wait that late but it will only happen when Allah has planned it for you.
So just take it easy, if a good rishta comes your way - treat it respectfully and demand to meet the guy in person. It is your right. If they try to turn it into an issue - just say NO and move on.
PS When I read the thread title, I thought you would be getting close to 40 which makes your parents worried for you. That should tell you something. 