What was the result of marriages where the two individuals had to go out, get married on their own, and live separately because their parents wouldn’t budge and wouldn’t let them get married to whom they wanted to?
Did such couples live happily apart from their parents, or did they constantly get into fights and arguments, and ended up either returning to parents or moving out (perhaps getting divorced) and living on their own?
I’m interested in real life examples and not hypothetical situations. I’m starting to notice that many parents love to push their kids into getting married to individuals they pick out for their kids for a whole bunch of reasons and are often not even willing to consider the individuals their kids like for their own back warded/cultural reasons.
Should one just listen to the parents for the sake of obeying them and abiding by the culture or should one just either stay single till the parents curb or get married on his/her own?
It's all about compromise... parents should let their kids make their own decisions, while kids should try to look for partners their parents would approve of - it's about striking a balance and having a good understanding. In this day and age there's no room for traditionally time warped, controlling parents or rebellious selfish kids.
I know of one guy who recently got married to a non-Paki girl, and his parents being extremely traditional, still chose to support their son's choice, which I think is for the betterment of everyone.
Did such couples live happily apart from their parents, or did they constantly get into fights and arguments, and ended up either returning to parents or moving out (perhaps getting divorced) and living on their own?
I'm interested in real life examples and not hypothetical situations. I'm starting to notice that many parents love to push their kids into getting married to individuals they pick out for their kids for a whole bunch of reasons and are often not even willing to consider the individuals their kids like for their own back warded/cultural reasons.
Should one just listen to the parents for the sake of obeying them and abiding by the culture or should one just either stay single till the parents curb or get married on his/her own?
cat-woman, parents are done getting married. I don't see why they should be getting it their way with their kids. After all, it'll be their kid that will have to spend his/her life with someone else, so why not be okay with whomever the kid wants, so long as the person picked doesn't have any serious flaws.
I feel parents sometimes could be very close-minded and not at all understanding. Just because they think a certain individual from a certain background and society would be good doesn't mean it'll work out in the end.
After all marriage is a gamble, so why not let the kid decide as to whom he/she would like to get married to.
Solar Oceans, thank you for sharing your experience. It's definitely something positive. Last week I remember watching something on Bridges TV where the kids had to be patient for years before their parents finally gave in. Ultimately the kids are happy with their spouse and parents are okay as well.
I was speaking to a friend few days ago and she mentioned how one of her friends got married against her parents' will and ended up feeling quite miserable. Not sure if she's still with her husband, but at least she wasn't very happy, as her parents' support wasn't there.
parents should not try to butt in to their kids business. and kids should not run back to them crying after all is done and dusted. this way both parties will have peace of mind. you go with your choice and make your decision. but remember one thing. you can't say which moment will make your start regresting your decision or choice or how you'll deal with taunts and teases coming from your in-laws for not being an obedient daughter [yes when the moment is right they will rub it in]. i've seen it all, heard it all but yet to experience myself.
Speaking from peronal experience, parents support is very important. Or at least at some point you would want them to accept your partner, love and respect him/her. If that doesn't happens, life can be miserable.
Sadiyah, I personally know only one real life example where a couple married without parent’s approval and lived life on their own. The husband died in an accident many years later and the girl returned to her family who didn’t greeted her with open arms but with time they are all cool. They didn’t have any kids and as far as she is concerned they had a good life together.
You know, these situations are so specific and human/culture/family reaction often so diverse that it is hard to generalize. It will be hard for anyone to live apart from their family and parents if they choose to live in the same city because you have to have a social circle regardless of what country/culture you live in. But if someone is in pardase and he or she marries without parents consent, they can probably be ok because ‘out of sight is out of mind.’ It also depends on what one expects a marriage life to be and does extended family has any part in it or not and how attached you are to your family/parents.