Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
^HHL: I am serious 
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
did the prophet not 'adopt' a child?
the only thing not allowed is what HHL has noted, u cant pass the kid as your own and hide the lineage.
sadly majority of adoptions that do go on in pakistan are exactly that, where a newborn is taken and passed as one's biological child, mostly because of the way our society is.
Many of the newborns at Edhi are such that no one knows their lineage even if one tried to find it. Alot of them unfortunately are born out of wedlock and someone has already tried really hard to hide the child's lineage. What then are the foster parents to do? What surname do you then give that child?
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
Many of the newborns at Edhi are such that no one knows their lineage even if one tried to find it. Alot of them unfortunately are born out of wedlock and someone has already tried really hard to hide the child's lineage. What then are the foster parents to do? What surname do you then give that child?
two different issues my friend.
giving the surname is not the same as passing them off as your own. They are two different things.
Even if you knew the kids parents names in some cases its easier to just have them use the ame last name as you because of reasons taht include feeling a sense of inclusion (by the kids) acdeptance etc etc, and it is easier for paperwork.
We have adopted kids, they have the same surname as us but we dont hide the fact that they are adopted. Its different than telling people that they are our biological kids.
I can understand the stigma in Pakistan as I have heard from ppl who have adopted kids there and been open about it or when teh secret is leaked how teh kids are treated by family, friends, nieghbours..heck even servants. The blame is more on society then on the ppl who adopt, one can fault them for being weak I suppose, but they know the society and they are doing this..i.e. hising the fact that the child is adopted for the best interests of the kid.
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
absolutely right X2,
there has been many cases, in which people become so disheartened during the adoption process.
but when wanting parents persist in such cases, then it becomes blessed affair.
thanks for your sharing.
Dushwari
dushwari
the expereince has been fantastic
there are 2 sets of challenges
one is getting ready mentally, fears of will teh kid be accepted, could I do justice to the child etc are big things to deal with, it is a big responsibility
second is teh amount of paperwork not just before adoption but after adoption as well to finalize things, I understand why they ant to do backgrond checks but it takes a long time and many hoops to jump through.
Majority of adoptions in Pakistan are kept a secret, this is straight from teh mouth of bilquis edhi. that is why most kids adopted are newborns and not many people adopt older kids.
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
I have seen a few couples that cannot have children and I think more of them need to look at adoption. I know one couple that adopted and its no different than having your 'own' kid.
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
i agree arshad5.
such a huge responsibility, of someone else's child, whom one wants to, makes effort to adopt, then howcome people can be neglectful?
thanks for shaing your perspective.
Dushwari
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
Muniya,
just a thought on acting non selfish and thinking about the world's children who are already for one reason or another brought into this world, and may be responsible and able adults women or men, can adopt one or two of them, even if they would or do have children of their own.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
Very noble thoughts in deed however I would advise to take a closer look.
This is a very permanent matter that can't be reversed. Or shouldn't be reversed. Too often people think let me do something nice for the world and adopt. Although the reasoning starts from this thought, the actual act needs to be given a deeper understanding.
I know that when and if I adopt I am bringing a child into my childless life. I need him/her just as much if not more then they need me. I need to be a mother just as much the child needs me.
Another very commen misconception is - well the birth mother didnt love the child or didnt care for the child so she gave her away. But look, this woman carried the child for the entire pregnancy and went through child birth however painful or not painful that was. Then she lit my life with her chirag to say. In today's world there are a million ways and reasons to abort. But she chose for the child to live. She loves him too - maybe not how we understand.
I could go on but these two points bother me the most. :)
Good luck with everything.
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
true enough. this is why our "adopted" child is through one of those organisations that let you sponsor kids in other countries. we're not ready for a kid yet- biological or not- given the huge responsibility needed to raise them.this way, we do our bit for charity, and help out not one life, but an entire village through our contributions. our little girl is 3 and her name is Roja, she's so cute and the photo updates and hand-written letters we get from her are such a pleasure to recieve!
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
^^ thats a very good alternative
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
Hi, I'm an adopted child... I am orginally Afghani but was raised up and brought up in a Pakistani family as my adopted parents are pakistani......
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
if you don't mind my asking, how did you find out/when did you figure out you were adopted? how did you deal with it? if its too personal a question, please feel free to not answer :)
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
Neelum I'd be very interesting in knowing about you as well.
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
may be responsible and able adults women or men, can adopt one or two of them,
ahhh but this is one area where equal rights aint so equal, most places want the ppla dopting to be a couple or a single woman, no such love for guys, even if he is a saint.
I may just go in the streets and burn my banyaan in protest..
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
Hi, I'm an adopted child... I am orginally Afghani but was raised up and brought up in a Pakistani family as my adopted parents are pakistani......
Neelum, did you have a different nick earlier on GS. I talked to soemone who was adopted. dont worry I will not disclose your other identity if you are the same person and want to keep the two seperate. It is interesting if you are someone else because I will tell her about you and you guys can connect, she has a similar background as yours.
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
ahhh but this is one area where equal rights aint so equal, most places want the ppla dopting to be a couple or a single woman, no such love for guys, even if he is a saint.
I may just go in the streets and burn my banyaan in protest..
The fact that you want to brun your bunyaan is proof enough why its harder for a single male to adopt. Case rested.
Re: Parents of Adopted child/ren
hey hey hey if chicas can burn their unmentionables for wymyns rights, so can men
heck we dont even have equal rights for protesting.
yeah, its a woman’s world…