Or atleast they were supposed to. Back story: I’m Pakistani (born in Canada) and my bf’s Bengali. So two weeks ago his parents set a date to meet (today), this was HIS mom’s date she picked… ok fine whatever. Fast forward to this morning and she threw the biggest hissy fit apparently that I’m Pakistani and will take him away from his family and said she’s not coming so BF’s on his way here with his dad. I’m using everything I have right now (my makeup’s on) to try not to cry. But I can’t hold it in anymore. I don’t understand what this woman, whose never met me in the 6 years we’ve been together, has against me. I understand the history of Bangladesh and Pakistan but I wasn’t there. In fact my mom lived in Dhaka at the time and had to flee. I just feel like my happily ever after is getting pushed further and further away and I can’t help it. My BF actually suggested eloping. I don’t know what to do at this point. I really don’t.
My parents are waiting for them to come and I haven’t told him only him and his father are coming. I’m just sitting in my room trying to fix my face. I know they’re going to be heartbroken that she didn’t come. They spent all day cleaning, ordered food and are so happy. I just don’t know anymore.
Or atleast they were supposed to. Back story: I'm Pakistani (born in Canada) and my bf's Bengali. So two weeks ago his parents set a date to meet (today), this was HIS mom's date she picked... ok fine whatever. Fast forward to this morning and she threw the biggest hissy fit apparently that I'm Pakistani and will take him away from his family and said she's not coming so BF's on his way here with his dad. I'm using everything I have right now (my makeup's on) to try not to cry. But I can't hold it in anymore. I don't understand what this woman, whose never met me in the 6 years we've been together, has against me. I understand the history of Bangladesh and Pakistan but I wasn't there. In fact my mom lived in Dhaka at the time and had to flee. I just feel like my happily ever after is getting pushed further and further away and I can't help it. My BF actually suggested eloping. I don't know what to do at this point. I really don't.
My parents are waiting for them to come and I haven't told him only him and his father are coming. I'm just sitting in my room trying to fix my face. I know they're going to be heartbroken that she didn't come. They spent all day cleaning, ordered food and are so happy. I just don't know anymore.
I think I now understand arranged marriages.
Hey terebina
Dont worry ! Im sure your MIL will come around just give her time. sometimes it hits the parents hard when they realise that thier chidlren actually want to get married instead of staying a child living at home forever, but I think its a good sign that your FIL is coming and seems to be supportive.
Maybe your MIL is upset because she doesnt like the fact that you and her son are in the process of having a love marriage? Maybe she would have preferred to have picked the girl for her son. How long have all the parents known about your relationship?? Is it very recent , maybe its just to fresh for the mom to deal with- give it time.
Dont be upset, just stay calm, your fiance is on his way to see you lol that at least should make you smile :)
There is no happily ever after. Are you going to be living by yourselves after marriage? if so, consider yourself lucky. If not....maybe time to look elsewhere.
I agree with Sara, if you are gonna live separately, then pursue this relationship, that too with the full backing of your parents (who sound lovely btw) so no eloping shaloping, you need your family's support if his are gna be miserable. Never burn your bridges.
and if you are gna live with the in laws then it may be time to end it, which must be very hard after so long.
Just another thought, do be honest with your parents and keep them abreast of the situation. They will support you no matter what and will be able to better guide you through a tumultuous period.
Don't cry Inshallah it is going to be okay. Your boyfriend is obviously sticking around and only wants to marry you. The mama will come around eventually.
Eloping won't help. It actually make you look bad. You should not expect anything short of what you think you require. As your parents are cool with it. It's just his mum. When MIL are not happy it's a lot worse than FIL not being happy.
If only and him and his father are coming....it's a start. Who knows...maybe with time his dad might be able to calm the mom down. The current situation is better than nobody from his family coming, right? So, let's see how things go after this meeting.
Don't elope. He shouldn't suggest a step that will hurt your reputation and that of your family's......because it's not like both of his parents have refused to come. Plus a step like that would upset his father and maybe close his mind to you as well. Your boyf is not thinking straight. He should be concentrating more on trying to make the best impression before your parents and winning their trust....as opposed to suggesting a drastic move.
Easier said than done, but to try to calm down and pray that the meeting goes well.
I veto'ed the eloping idea a long time ago... I know that's just going to leave a lot of people hurt and upset, my parents included. My aunt eloped a few years ago and no one was happy about it.
I just don't know what to do at this point. Everything seems hopeless. And no I put my foot down on living with them - I will never live with any inlaws, much less with ones that hate me.
At this point, you just need to focus on the task at hand....which is the between your parents and him and his dad. You need to make a good impression on his dad and he needs to do the same with your parents. That's it.
At this point, you just need to focus on the task at hand....which is the between your parents and him and his dad. You need to make a good impression on his dad and he needs to do the same with your parents. That's it.
That's been done. He really likes me and our family and vice versa... and he seemed like a really logical, sensible man. So we're good to go from that perspective.
I understand the Pakistani-Bengali hostility but I also understand plenty of them have gotten married to each other. My mom is half Bengali and 4 of her siblings are and they were run out of Dhaka, she could hold the same grudge if she wanted to.
That's been done. He really likes me and our family and vice versa... and he seemed like a really logical, sensible man. So we're good to go from that perspective.
I understand the Pakistani-Bengali hostility but I also understand plenty of them have gotten married to each other. My mom is half Bengali and 4 of her siblings are and they were run out of Dhaka, she could hold the same grudge if she wanted to.
My mum's part Bengali as well.. This was all such a long time ago tho.. It's crazy that some ppl still hold a grudge all these years later.. We have quite a few mixed marriages in my family with no major issues at all..
Is it defo the history thing that upsets your other half's mum? Might be she is determined to have 'proper' Bengali speaking grandkids or something or maybe it's not even be related to this and she justs want him to marry a girl of her choice and this is just an excuse?
The big plus point tho is that his dad is supportive..
If only and him and his father are coming....it's a start. Who knows...maybe with time his dad might be able to calm the mom down. The current situation is better than nobody from his family coming, right? So, let's see how things go after this meeting.
So I guess her hissy fit was unfounded or she knew she was outnumbered. The next day she did an almost complete 180 and said while she’s not happy about it, she’ll try her best to be understanding. I was like she could’ve avoided all the unnecessary drama and just came but whatevs. It could have been my bf who told her like it or lump its happening so either get in line or be left out.