I have an almost 10 year old and a 6 year old. They are girls. They’re very smart and incredibly observant. They read a lot, talk a lot and watch their share of shows (although even at this age they’re into Arthur and Caillou mostly ). But they know “stuff” that you and I don’t want them to ever know. Some recent conversations:
My Choti: Mom, how come I look a bit like you and a bit like dad?
Me: Because you are OUR daughter.
Choti: Yes but how did I get in your belly?
Me: AFTER, I repeat AFTER we got married, your dad and I prayed to Allah mian to give us a baby and He put a seed in my belly that grew into you.
(I was rolling my eyes at myself, but heck lemme give it a shot I thought)
Choti: awww how cute is that but mom it’s OK, I’ll wait till I grow up to find out what REALLY happened.
Bari: Mom, you told me when babies are ready, the doctors cut the belly and take them out.
Me: Ahan
Bari: But mommmm, my teacher also told us that babies could come out of the derriere. Does that mean butt or is there another hole?
Awkward silence
Me: We’ll find out in a few years honey. Until then, don’t worry about stuff like this. You’re not having a baby yet.
Bari: Yeah. Actually I don’t think I’m EVERRRRRR having a baby.
Me: Good. I’m so not interested in becoming a Nani.
Bari: Yeah mom, that would make you so old.
OK so let’s be realistic. You can’t protect your kids forever. They talk. They imagine. I mean didn’t you? My goal is to have my kids communicate with me. I don’t want to tell them ridiculous stuff or shush them or they’ll go elsewhere. What’s your take on this?
Re: Parents, ladies and gentlemen who aren't parents yet, let's be realistic
HAHAHAHAHA at derriere wala question.
my folks told me the whole doc cuts belly and takes baby out stuff. my sis wanted to know if married women get any injections coz how do only they get pregnant.
anyway i dont think kids are going to be pervs or criminals etc because they know about the existence of a process that leads to babies being made. some of us knew about "sex" even before we hit puberty or whatever and before the idea of perviness dawned upon us.
Re: Parents, ladies and gentlemen who aren’t parents yet, let’s be realistic
when i was TTC, my friend told her four years old to pray for me to Allah to give me baby boy . I was shocked and she even asked my three and half years old and my daughter went blank. later on she asked of which market has babies; i havnt seen any.
now that i am pregnant, i am concerned as girls take notice of appearance alot, and honestly dont know wat to say to her, especially if i breast feed. i dont want her to go on and try on her dolls.
Re: Parents, ladies and gentlemen who aren’t parents yet, let’s be realistic
you are right Nikki, its all about communication ..I have a friend here who struggled with keeping it all a secret from her eldest one and with time decided that she wouldnt do the same with the younger ones .. the more she tried to hide stuff , the more it confused the kid and more they would ask questions , if not from parents then from others and would believe them.
Now her youngest one is 6 and she is more or less realistic with her, and her son who is 8 .. she doesnt go into details but also doesnt make it complicated stories. She said she feels very embarassed talking about these things with the kids but also feels that its her responsibility to prepare her kids to face the world in the right manner ..
Her 8 year old son returned from school one day and asked mommy randomly: is it wrong to kiss a girl in my class?
her initial reaction was to daant him and scare the hell out of him .. but she held herself back and started talking about how a marriage happens first, husband wife fall in love, its then ok to kiss each other but not ok before then etc ..
Son’s next few questions were around, why other boys could kiss the girls and he wasnt allowed.. she told him the difference between temporary love and true love .. her husband thought she was giving too much information to the kid .. but the kid responded really well and she knew coz she heard him talk to his friend telling him kissing after marriage is true love
so yeah, being honest in communication with the kids is the way forward, it helps your kids develop confidence that their parents have all the answers and you as a parent will be able to control the type of information that goes into your kid.
Re: Parents, ladies and gentlemen who aren't parents yet, let's be realistic
I didn't know jack uo until I was 13 or 14. And then I was truly shocked when a friend decided to enlighten me. I was like "Whaaaat? You're lying, you dirty scum." I guess it took me a day or two to come to terms with the whole how babies are made process.
And I had just gotten a computer and had encarta encyclopedia on it(no internet for saeed), so I looked it up and then it kinda made sense, because my friends explanation was pretty crude.
Re: Parents, ladies and gentlemen who aren't parents yet, let's be realistic
well my 2 yr old did the most embarrasing thing, she went and announced to everyone in the family, that mum and abu are kissing....he just pecked me on the cheek before he went to work as he usually does. she happen to be awake and witness this. few minutes later she had run off to dadddabbu and told him.
UNBELIEVEABLE.
kids these days, seriously...................im amazed. im still embarrassed. and this happened 3 days ago. i cant look at my inlaws in the face.
Re: Parents, ladies and gentlemen who aren't parents yet, let's be realistic
LOL Kids are so curious.
Honestly, I learned everything from my cousins, and the remaining in health class.
Anyways, I had this friend, and she started getting her periods. The first time she got her periods, 12-13?, her mom told her she is getting her periods and she will get the monthly, and they stop once you get pregnant. Well next month came around, and her periods didn't come (typical case for many women after getting periods for the first time). She started to make dua "Allah, I don't want kids yet" haha. She freaked out a bit. So some things should be cleared out, and their questions should be answered at an appropriate age.
Re: Parents, ladies and gentlemen who aren't parents yet, let's be realistic
I'm with you on the open channel of communication. I want to be there for the questions rather than having her resort to playground rumours and stories.
It is kind of scary that they are learning all this stuff though.......
). But they know “stuff” that you and I don’t want them to ever know. Some recent conversations:
