Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

It is a very South Asian culture thing and a lot of times 'old' parents need more caring than they need $ and often daughters are more inclined to giving that support than sons.

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

it's great to read that husbands support their inlaws if need be. we are three sisters and it's an unspoken rule that we will support our parents very happily when we are able to. my nana and nani live with my mamoo but are also supported by two khalas (only one works) and visit them every year for 2-3 months. may Allah bless all who support their parents in their old age :)

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

My nana died when my mom was in 8th grade. They're 4 sisters and 1 brother. My mamu is a loser (long family drama there). My nani was always taken care of by her 4 daughters. She lived with one daughter back home. 2 of my khala's settled in the U.S. right after college. So my nani used to live with her youngest daughter...and my mom/dad always sent money. I remember at one point...when I was young....nani was having health issues and she came lived with us for almost a year. Since both my parents were physicians...it was decided she would be best cared for at our home.

Then about 20 years ago....nani was brought to the U.S. Again, she lived with one of her daughters. Then we moved to the U.S. By now my mom left her career and was a housewife. But I know for a fact my dad still sent money to help with my nani's expenses (we lived like 20 minutes from her). I don't remember ever hearing any complaints or arguments about this. When my nani finally had a stroke(right before her death) and got VERY sick (half of her body paralyzed, had a feeding tube, couldn't go to the restroom etc), my dad used to visti her at my khala's house every-single-day and actually helped with her physical care. Along with my khalas/mom....my dad was right next to my nani when she passed away.

I'm the eldest and have no brothers. My fiance and I have had MANY LONG discussions about this since I plan on being a housewife once we have kids. We have agreed that if EITHER one of our parents are ever in a situation where they need financial help...or if they're in a position where they can not continue to live on their own (ie. physical/medical issues)....then we will not have any problem with them living with us.

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

automne77..

Just as much as you are your husband's parents' daughter in law..your husband is your parents's son in law...if you can do all the khidmat of your in laws why can't your husband support your parents if they need the support financial or otherwise?

This is one thing I hate about our culture...why do people make such a big deal if their sons help out their wives families? do they not have any right on their son in law?

If your husband gives you money for YOU, for your spending then maybe you should save some money from that and give that to your parents?

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

and if your husband doesn't want to support your parents then I think you should get a job...your parents are YOUR responsibility...if your husbad and in laws object to you working then work from home...

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

That is exactly what my stance is as well.

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

You’re kidding, right?

Doesn’t matter what gender you are, you take care of your Mama. If your husband isn’t in it with you, then he’s not much of a husband. You do whatever it takes to take care of your Mama. Period.

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

Yes, I’m serious. :rolleyes:

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

My grandparents have six daughters and they have all supported nana and nani equally. It has worked out really well.

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

I'm the eldest of my siblings (girls only) and my dad passed away when we were really young, my mom is someone we owe our lives to (her and Allah swt of course) so it's understood that we will be supporting her be it financially or physically. It was one of my main concerns whenever dealing with rishtas, to make sure the guy was someone who would understand my responsibilities towards my family. Although rare, it is possible to find people who would genuinely share your burden and be very understanding of your parents' rights over you. Mashallah the guy I'm engaged to has really proven himself to be a son to the family. He's protective over my sisters like a brother would be and has slowly started taking care of little things for me so I'm not worried about them, even though my natural inclination is to resist it (seeing my mom never ask for help from anyone and taking care of things on her own and the way she raised us) it's still a little hard for me to accept his help at times.
So if this is a concern of yours, then have faith inshallah. If you're intentions are in the right place, you'll get someone even better than what you were looking for.

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. (23) And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” Al-Quran [Chapter-17; Verses-23&24].

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

:smiley:

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

my parents also retired from job for almost ten years....i was doing job to support them like paying all bills,bringing monthly grocery,cooking and saving money by travelling thru buses instead of taxis.... i tried my best not to burden them in my student life as well by giving tutions to juniors in my college/ univ....but after marriage i want to but i just cant support them as my husband is not willing for me to do job....my parents have never asked anything any favor from me but still i feel i should continue supporting them....
now my younger sister has finished her studies n doing job but she doesnt spend on household affairs...m trying my best to convince her to support parents as they have spent all their earnings on us throughout our lives we should atleast give comfort to them in old age....

i got married last year n i bought each n everything for my shaadi from my savings Alhumdulillah n my sincere thanx to my husband n his family that they didnt ask for anything from my parents.....

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Re: Parents in old age supported by daughters ?

i do the same i dont spend it on myself instead i save it n send necessary things for my parents.....e.g sweaters shawls medicine etc i sent a cellfone to my father last month :) as he was using the defected one...