many parents/teachers give a time-off to their children as a result of misbehaving …i’ve heard n to some extent i do it too!!
that means when a child is misbehaving …take him out of the play/activity/whatever…n either send him to his room or make him sit somewhere or some even ask the kids to remain passive for sometime i.e. just sit or stand somewhere n don’t do anything practically…
my question is whats the purpose …???
well, may be you think its a silly question …n it might be …but the actual thing i need to know is …
some parents think ,it will teach the kid a lesson …that if he is misbehaving …he is out of fun …he will have to sit alone n think about it!
while some think …its just a way of distracting …n it is mostly in the case when the child is sent to his room …where he enjoys some alone time …n basically he can do whatever he want …
criticism on the second case is …: the child might think his misbehaviour proved rewarding
so what do you think …is it really rewarding a bad behaviour …???
If you stop him from some unwanted behavior and give him time out at a place where he can easily involve himself in an unwanted behavior, then there is nothing wrong with time-out method. The first thing timeout method requires from you is to decide well on time-out places. If you fail to do so then you simply are discouraging an unwanted behavior while at the same time some how you are encouraging an unwanted behavior too. This thing can lead to a confused personality.
(Just used you to quickly write the paragragh, does not mean YOU)
"that if he is misbehaving ...he is out of fun ....he will have to sit alone n think about it!"
its a line from ur original message...n i think its almost self-explanatory....
when a child does something wrong....he should feel that he may have to lose something so that would be a deterrent...but THERE CANT BE A FIXED RULE...child's psychology is too complex to be tackled with a 'time-out' technique....one thing thats clear is that there mustnt be any physical punishment whatsoever..n s/he MUST NOT feel humiliated..it can have very damaging consequences in the long term for his personality....
so ill advise the parents to develop a communicating link with the kids through which they can understand each other better and may avoid resorting to punishment...but if the kid persists without any reason u may think about taking away his freedom for a while..but to me its something i would like to avoid..i would rather respect him or her n try to explain things lovingly (if i ever have a child:) )....sorry in a hurry so answer is disorganized..but i guess u get a gist of what i mean...
Time-out does not mean that you must let your kid sit alone, you can stop him from what you don't want your children to do and put him in some activities that are interesting to the kid and acceptable to you as parent as well.
you put them in the corner away from everyone. They dont touch anything simply sit on the chair and watch other play.
Reason:
When a child sees his classs mates etc are playing or sinsing songs he isnt. It makes them wonder why they arent doing that. IF in a mean time a TA in the class room reminds a child why he/she is in the corner he/she would realize their mistake. does it workes HELL YES
This is better than raising hand at them or yelling .
^ raising hand or yelling is much needed for some kids like myself. I used to be extremely naughty, stubborn (that I still am), short-tempered (still am), and would never listen. I have come to realize that I truly deserved it. Whereas, my sister hardly ever got herself in trouble or got yelled at or spanked. Masha'Allah, she was and still is a great kid.
Therefore, the technique needs to be different with different kids.
actually i use the time out technique...n i always thought it works because of the reasons nia_khan mentioned
but then i was reading this book ...n the author forced me to think whats the reason behind time out.....is it to make your child suffer like he can't take part in any fun activity for a certain time.....OR the only motive is to stop the misbehaviour n engage him in some other activity ....like sending to his rom to do wehatever he feels like....???
now i'm confused ......definitely i dioon't want to humiliate .....but won't he think he's been rewarded for wrong behaviour in the second case....???
sadiyah....i myself can somewhat relate ....though being the eldest i was quite a good kid...but still every child dives his parents crazy at some point ...so i recieved my fair share of yelling n spanking too....my parents were justified ....but still i don't want to do that for my kids.....!!:)
^^
No offence but Ha ha! I actually participated in a debate on this topic ‘‘negotiating Vs Spanking’ little kids. I was the 2nd person in my class who believed that punishing esp’ spanking is a complete no, little did I know that it’d turn out in reality= GOd u need to set some strict firm hard rules no matter how little the rascal may be!
Whimsie and Attia …My toddler is not even two yet, but she makes dead sure to drive everyone insane sometimes. She’s extra extra springy hyper girl in every sense. Walking is non-existing in her books, she runs from one place to the other. Ok I’ve believed from day 1 to negotiate with her…and she wud’ve complied if dady was that patient too So anyway… I’ve resolved the only way she gets the point across of a bad behaviour is through asking her to stand in a corner for one minute(that 1min is like forever for her). I hold her during the while explaining to her why she’s been asked for a time out. I tried the chair, but after two secs she was jumping away, rattle there and here. Anyway the corner works wonders!!!
Sadiyah…I do disagree with spanking, no matter how rowdy of a kid one may be.
No spanking should be allowed if it leaves a bruise or a mark behind even if a tiny one. It has very severing impacts on a personality later on. I know that! I’ve been raised by my mother via the negotiating technique. Just can’t agree with spanking yar. It just takes patience to practice the fine arts of parenthood while negotiating. It does works in the long run.
ps. Oh yes, I did win that debate hands down btw Whimsie bur reality is quite the opposite for some reason
So anyway… I’ve resolved the only way she gets the point across of a bad behaviour is through asking her to stand in a corner for one minute(that 1min is like forever for her). I hold her during the while explaining to her why she’s been asked for a time out. I tried the chair, but after two secs she was jumping away, rattle there and here. Anyway the corner works wonders!!!