Parental books for dad - desi dads

[Bobby1]

Re: Parental books for dad - desi dads

@rabia3983

Bobby1, I am sorry but you aren’t seeing my point. I asked you to reread my post to see that i also said no to my child since his father had already (in your first reply you said i didnt). I understand no means no…but it shouldn’t be a "no"every time.

My husband thinks he is all those things (misbehaved, disobedient etc.) but that’s the problem. What 5 year old isn’t a picky eater? what 5 year old ignores rules? What 5 year old doesn’t want to hold his baby brother? I am trying to explain this to my husband that this is normal behavior and we need to deal with it instead of just saying NO. BY giving him alternative choices like Mahool suggested.

you have too many assumptions and judgmental comments in your posts. Whatever your experiences and qualifications are, they sure aren’t on how to deal with a worried mother. Maybe your criticism works with professional athletes (and their parents) but not working with a worried mother like me.

I am sorry I don’t mean to criticize and no we don’t criticize or admonish our children or athletes all that much. We don’t need to as we set rules, set boundaries, train them and ake sure they are rewarded for good behavior and there always has to be consequences for bad behavior. Once kids know they can’t get away by breaking rules then life is really a lot of fun as there is no stubbornness, hot-headedness etc.

Here I will give you some basic fundamentals.

1. Set reasonable rules. You and hubby should have a meeting and set reasonable rules
   Train. You should train him to mop, hold baby brother etc and then let him do those things.
2. Set boundaries
3. Keep them occupied and engaged
   4.Reward good behavior(always)
   5.Don’t ever punish in the heat of the moment, cool down and have a discussion with the child make him realize what he did wrong and calmly take away something he likes.
4. Never yell or scream at the child, it destroys brain cells, creates problems in learning, self-confidence is destroyed and child becomes anti-social and they learn to resolves adversity by violence as is very common in our culture.
5. I am dead against physical punishment and consider that as an abuse.
6. You are absolutely right that your child should be involved in holding the brother, and house hold chores. This is how their brain and motor skills develop. My White associates talk to their children all the time and listen to them with intent. Humans learn more when they are allowed to talk and by doing. This is a very critical age and the father should be bonding and interacting and doing a lot of things with the child, the child should not be afraid of the father.

My goal was to create a lot of happy memories in my childrens brain of their dealings with me and this is why we did a lot of things together, I made them my friend and we laughed and joked and bonded. When my father died I couldnt find any memory of us having fun and bonding and that is why I chose that route.

I wanted them to reward themselves with other things than money and get a capacity to enjoy life. I have seen many desis only pursuing money for success, I wanted mine to find happiness in outdoor activitieess like camping, rafting, hiking, mountain climbing, skiing etc.

Children grow up fast and I hope your husband realizes that a child is a blessing and not a burden and he learns to be gentle, patient and kind.

I hope he doesnt hit him or yell at him.

Are you going to put him in soccer, swimming, skiing etc?