Intro:-
My mother is quite an insensitive woman while my dad’s the opposite. Lately, they have been arguing which is nothing new. They argue about a lot of stupid things, which involves my mother draining money from my dad’s share and wasting it on stuff for the house like paint and new tiles, though the house looks fine. My mother is fussy on everything and neatness is always number 1 on my dad’s list. My mother swears much more then my dad which pisses him off because its being directed towards him now and always had been whenever she was frustrated at him for the STUPIDEST things.
Now, my dad is REALLY pissed off at my mom ever since yesterday. Its a long story, but my dad said he finally had it, and wanted to divorce the ******** because he could not tolerate the ****** anymore. He’s so sick of it now, he is angry and let loose of rant yesterday noon. I was with him and not my mom and he was really angry, saying he wants a divorce.
Today, he still is angry with my mom and says he’ll be finding a place, move out, cut off all our internet connections, phone lines, etc just so our ‘good’ mother can support us and not him. He said he had it, and he said that even my mother’s family side doesn’t show this much disrespect for their husbands. My mother was cursing and praying to God for misery to happen to my father which set him off. My mother is being the immature one here, and causing all the stress. Now I really think my father will be moving out for sure just because he finds her ungrateful, vile and even a pig.
I wish they can just stop and I hate hearing them fight. It makes me nervous. This isn’t new but there’s a 50 percent chance that there CAN be a divorce, which is going to break the family completely apart.
I wish my parents weren’t like this. It really hurts hearing them fight; it depresses us. There’s nothing I can do instead of just praying to God. What kind of woman is my mother anyway? Cursing my dad, and making duas for him to be miserable all his life? I wish my dad could just ignore her but his patience exceeded.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m thinking about what will happen if the family was ripped apart.
Intro:-
My mother is quite an insensitive woman while my dad's the opposite. Lately, they have been arguing which is nothing new. They argue about a lot of stupid things, which involves my mother draining money from my dad's share and wasting it on stuff for the house like paint and new tiles, though the house looks fine. My mother is fussy on everything and neatness is always number 1 on my dad's list. My mother swears much more then my dad which pisses him off because its being directed towards him now and always had been whenever she was frustrated at him for the STUPIDEST things.
Now, my dad is REALLY pissed off at my mom ever since yesterday. Its a long story, but my dad said he finally had it, and wanted to divorce the ******** because he could not tolerate the ****** anymore. He's so sick of it now, he is angry and let loose of rant yesterday noon. I was with him and not my mom and he was really angry, saying he wants a divorce.
Today, he still is angry with my mom and says he'll be finding a place, move out, cut off all our internet connections, phone lines, etc just so our 'good' mother can support us and not him. He said he had it, and he said that even my mother's family side doesn't show this much disrespect for their husbands. My mother was cursing and praying to God for misery to happen to my father which set him off. My mother is being the immature one here, and causing all the stress. Now I really think my father will be moving out for sure just because he finds her ungrateful, vile and even a pig.
I wish they can just stop and I hate hearing them fight. It makes me nervous. This isn't new but there's a 50 percent chance that there CAN be a divorce, which is going to break the family completely apart.
I wish my parents weren't like this. It really hurts hearing them fight; it depresses us. There's nothing I can do instead of just praying to God. W*hat kind of woman is my mother anyway? Cursing my dad, and making duas for him to be miserable all his life? I wish my dad could just ignore her but his patience exceeded.
*
I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking about what will happen if the family was ripped apart.
It's anger....can bring out the worst in even the best of us. It seems that you connect better with your dad. If it's easier to reason with him then maybe you and your siblings can try talking to him...calm him down...and think about what can be done. Who among your siblings gets along better with mom? Maybe that person can talk to mom. Hope things get better soon.
Dear Guardian Angel. Peace be to you and your family. It is true that your mother should not act this way at all. However, first question come to the mind. Has anybody tried talking to mom about this. As to why does she act this way?. Is there anybody that can intervene and try talking to your mother?. May Allah help you and your family...
First of all, may Allah help your family fight through this and I hope your parents work it out and not get a divorce.
I have seen this alot in the desi community here where I live. The women want to have the best house to impress all the other ladies. I don't know why but it's all about upping the other aunty or someone. I have heard uncles talk about it and it seems like the aunties are oblivious to the fact that the husband is working crazy hours to provide for the family and it's all being wasted on even better furniture cuz the other furniture is a year old, or wasted on the kitchen, or a new walkout balcony for the house.
One possible solution is for your Dad to share his billing history with your mom. Show her the expenses he needs to pay each month, that way she'll be more mindful. Idk.
Hey I am very sorry to hear that but cupcake is right it is just anger and venting. How old are you if I may ask? Because I feel it is very inappropriate for your dad to be venting to you. You are the child you can not pick sides and more importantly you may not wish too.
Parents need to be parents. Secondly if your mom is cursing him out over issues, that is definitely going to set off pressure points in your dad that trigger his anger.
I know nothing of your dad but any father would happily let his ex wife rot in hell but not his kids. That is for damn certain. So right now you guys need to hang in there. Maybe get your grandparents involved because things are not going well.
Whoever is the oldest needs to talk to your mom from what you have described.
I’m 14.
I can be patient about it I guess. After all, they’ve been through this but this is a unusual situation where my dad says he will leave.
And there is no one, not even me, brave enough to step up to make my mom eat her words. She won’t take our crap. However my dad did call my phopho yesterday telling her about everything that my mother has been lately doing to him and how she’s a blah blah blah. I really want my aunt to at least straighten this out; i have a feeling she might. But right now, all I can do is pray.
Is there a prayer for parents to stop fighting or something? ):
I think it’s better to involve someone from her side of the family rather than your dad’s. Because she will listen better to her own relative and your phupo will be biased towards her even if she does not intend to do so because your dad is after all her brother. Personally I tell you involving a 3rd party is disastrous and if it is very necessary to involve a 3rd party then it should be someone who is not related to anyone and can act fairly.
You are only 14? That was definitely not on. Now I am just some random guy over the internet so I do not know the exact details of your situation or what has happened or how your dad is handling it.
But I do suggest one thing that is extremely important. Sit down with your parents - together or separately - and tell them how this fighting is effecting all you guys. Children seem to be silent victims when parents get wrapped up in their own selfish ways.
You seem to be close to your dad so tell him how you feel. Just tell him not to fight with your mother on the issue. It is absolutely necessary for your dad to realize how upset you guys are.
Also if i may ask did this situation start recently or its been like this since you can remember?
They both need a time out. A break from each other. Although this is not certain to work but this works in many cases and should be the first resort to try.
I can speak from my experience. Time away from each other mostly due to my wife visiting Pakistan or I am on a business trip, only refreshes our relationship. Its takes that "oh yeah, then let me tell you..." out of the relationship for weeks to come that develops over time.
You should play the national lotto .. from your pocket money and you never knw all the problems can go away :p
ps. on serious note: may Allah bestow his blessings on your and all of our family to keep us safe and organised and give us the ability to do sabr in bad times.
Wow, you've just been put through a lot over the last few months. I hope things get better. Just know that whatever happens between your parents is between them, and not your fault at all, even if they take out any anger at you, just know it is not your fault. I pray inshallah things calm down at your house and for you.
No offence cuz I'm not just pinpointing your situation but no matter how angry parents are they should NEVER vent this out with their teenage kid. That's just not right. However mature you may sound and how well you can handle stuff is not the point. Parents should be comforting and tell you that it'll be okay, or at least try to salvage their relationship if not for their sake then for the children's sake.
If your father thinks it's okay for him to discuss this with you, then you shouldn't hold back either. Let him know that he should be trying to mull things over with a cool head and that he should know you don't want to see them fighting.
I know how asians don't really approve of therapy, but you should encourage them to try it. Don't let them give up on each other so easily. You're smart enough, pray for the best.
GuardianAngel, there's probably a lot more going on between your parents that you don't know about. Yes, your mom should not cuss out your dad. But what is causing her to use such language? She could be PMSing, perhaps your dad insulted her, or he did something your mom found unreasonable. It could be a whole bunch of "little" things that occured over a large amount of time and all of it is boiling up right now.
I agree with diamond, I'm doubtful if involving your phuppo will help. Your phuppo is likely to side with your dad. And there may be things that your mom does not want to discuss with your phuppo. Your mom may even feel humiliated. I know parents will vent to their kids about the arguments and fights. But don't take sides. Usually, both parents are wrong on some level... it takes two hands to clap. Just tell your parents that you and your siblings hate seeing your parents like this. If they're fighting, that's fine. But don't yell, scream, or curse in front of you and to sort out their issues in a civil manner.
