Does anyone ever feel that our efforts as children to secure our parents’ (mother or just your father ) happiness remain unfulfilled no matter how much you continue to crush your own ???
Re: parent-child relationship
I don't think that crushing your own happiness is the way to secure your parent's khushi.
There is more to this thread. Please elaborate. Perhaps we can better answer your question if you give us an example?
Re: parent-child relationship
Sure parents can be happy when you do everything they want. But you might end up miserable, or terrible things can happen if the parents choise was the wrong one after all.
Crushing your own happiness will make you miserable.
Usually parents do get used to your choices which they first didn't like.
My friend made choices like that, she got divorced, she got her own appartment with her children and even though it is close to her parents home, they had problems with that in the beginning.
Now everything is fine between her and her paretns. She got back to studying again. At first, my friends parents didn't help or support her in any way because they were heartbroken at her choices.
But nowadays they do help her out as much as they can. They often watch her children when she goes to her course or something, her kidbrother actually helped her bringing a new closet at home, while when she had just moved nobody cared to lift a finger, she had to do everything by herself! Not anymore.
Things are truly getting much better now. Even her father is fine now, while months ago he actually threatened my friend (!) and her mother who mostly argued with her is fine now too. I guess they really did get used to my friends choices. Peace is coming back in the family. There were so many problems and sometimes she even wished she would not have made her own choices!
Alhamdulilah, time and a lot of communication has solved the problems finally.
What I'm trying to tell you with this example is, that making your own choices is difficult, especially if that means disappointing your parents because they had something else in mind for you.
Not everything your parents decide for you really is good. They are not always right. If you truly know your own decision is better and if you are sure your decision is not wrong, follow your own instinct.
You might have huge family problems because of your own choices, just like my friend did. But TIME mends most of the things. With the passing of time and a lot talking and listening to your parents things really can improve.
If the same people who were threatening my friend and calling her the most horrible names you can call any female out of anger, no rage was more like it... if people who treat their child like that can actually change after some years, anything is possible.
Are you a patient person? If you are, you do have a chance of succeeding. Just show your parents your intentions are not bad. And be patient, with time I guess parents really do come around. And who knows, maybe you think the worst and if you talk to your parents, maybe they would not react in the way you fear they will. All parents have different reactions, who knows if you talk to them about your feelings perhaps they might understand and not be angry or disappointed at all.
Good Luck. :)
Re: parent-child relationship
It really boils down to a similar thread that was posted on this site ...father educated and broad minded BUT whatever father says is 100% justified and always and i mean always is right...
Re: parent-child relationship
Muzna ...its very difficult to elaborate ...maybe "crushing" was the wrong word to use ...an example could stem for a day to day decision ...lets say hypothetically speaking decisions have been made and you are informed of these decisions but all your life, whenver you have disclosed your point of view it has caused nothing but conflict in your household (meaning your view point is always the opposite to what has been decided). In such a situation, do you ever get to a point where you stop excersing your opinion? As one, it ruins your healthy and loving relationship with your parents and two, its just not worth the hassle?
Re: parent-child relationship
Masoomlarki this is how life is.. both should learn to deal with differences .. no matter how life experience parents might have they are still humans and can make errors in their judgement, just as us kids can so in the end it all depends on how we deal with it.. its hard for them to accept some of our decision and it takes time to work out things
i sometimes feel the same.. no matter what I do no matter what i achieve my parents will never be satisfied of it.. its always "his kid has this and her kid has done that.." it bothered me a lot.. now i dont' care :) when they say things like that i just tell them kay well good for "their kids" and smile..
Re: parent-child relationship
hey ansoon...thats exactly what i mean ...Now rather than disagree I just :) but that is a very difficult for an individual who by way of her profession and as a person spends her time providing her view on various issues in order to advise others on the best possible solution to a problem ...
Re: parent-child relationship
Hey thats my line for my mom 
My take on it is : All your life you try to please your parents and try to act out the way they wish you to be (sub and conciously). This is a normal behaviour for any kid, you loath for their intention, their happiness. As you grow older, you want to make them happy and want to make them proud of yourself. It just so happens that for various reasons keeping them satisfied may not be the best decision at hand.
What are you suppose to do at this stage?
Depends on person to person and scenerio to scenerio … but
ONCE you have proven yourself in their eyes (that you have accomplished something such as an amazing job etc = “bara admi” ben gaye ho) then you have a good chance to break out of satisfying them and be more independent. At this stage you truly stop caring about every little thing they say and make it the issue of life.
.. or moving out also helps
Re: parent-child relationship
^
That's true, if you have accomplished something, it is a great help. Then you've proven you're capable of making good decisions and handling life well I guess.
Re: parent-child relationship
lol...i have accomplished in everyone elses eyes everything ...different set of circumstances i guess. but thanks.
Re: parent-child relationship
"everyone else eyes" :)