**Give example when you would think your life partner (or SO) may become out of line and for no reason doubts your loyalty.
**
**What has happened before?
What is happening now which you do not want him/her not to worry about?
**
Does not mean that is real and is happening now to you but it could happen to you before and you are still frustrated about despite you had cleared the issue.
Just make it up for fun. Small or big.
But has to be something you would not like to be accused of based on that action.
Too hard of a question? Just read the bold part. No worries.
Example:
Girl: I want to be out with my girl friends and shopping but my husband (SO) thinks I am out and about having fun with a guy. He is out of the line! That is not he should do.
Guy: I am at work and having headache trying to solve the issue at work but my wife (SO) thinks I am having fun with my cute and young secretary…she is out of line! That is not she should do.
yeah man when I am out at some conference in a diff city, hanging out at clubs with my pals and enjoying a few beverages and the company of some ladies who are hanging out, I mean just cuz I was out until 4 a.m. and did not answer my phone does not mean jack, and the lipstick marks on my clothes, just accident…crowded club..u bump into people making your way out and stuff..
I hear you my bro! I hear you. Such a bad assumption.
By the way, there are ladies who deliberately place a lipstick on your shoulder I mean on the shirt shoulder… even if you were an angel and just talked to her in close company but others around…for a while…you only find that out when angry eyes ask you at home when you get there…
I thought I opened this in lifey section by the way, had two browser windows open.
Mods please move it to life section whenever they get the chance.
Everyone has doubts. Instead of taking them as 'accusations', you can say a few words to clear them. won't take too much of your effort and your spouse would also gain their peace of mind.
Doubts doesnt necessarily comes from insecurity. Sometimes it is a result of broken trust in the past. For example, myself. I had always been an extremely secure person but quite dumb to be honest. I had my trust broken again and again (out of stupidity like white lies, half truths, people being all shady and mysterious) and I tolerated it for so long. But now I doubt every person who asks me to 'trust' them. Trust is 100% earned. Make yourself such a person that you leave NO room for someone to doubt you, not even your spouse. It takes a lot of work.
Doubts doesnt necessarily comes from insecurity. Sometimes it is a result of broken trust in the past. For example, myself. I had always been an extremely secure person but quite dumb to be honest. I had my trust broken again and again (out of stupidity like white lies, half truths, people being all shady and mysterious) and I tolerated it for so long. But now I doubt every person who asks me to 'trust' them. Trust is 100% earned. Make yourself such a person that you leave NO room for someone to doubt you, not even your spouse. It takes a lot of work.
^^ i find this to be the best response thus far :)
Doubts doesnt necessarily comes from insecurity. Sometimes it is a result of broken trust in the past. For example, myself. I had always been an extremely secure person but quite dumb to be honest. I had my trust broken again and again (out of stupidity like white lies, half truths, people being all shady and mysterious) and I tolerated it for so long. But now I doubt every person who asks me to 'trust' them. Trust is 100% earned.
Sorry that your trust was broken.
So many naive and inexperienced people get hurt this way. No argument.
Your bold part just means you develop some sort of cautious behavior but it should not get in to the level of mistrust anyone to the point that your own life gets miserable and unhappy. Right? :)
Make yourself such a person that you leave NO room for someone to doubt you, not even your spouse. It takes a lot of work.
This part is completely separate and it is a good advise for people to be honest.
But when you said No room for spmeone to doubt you can be taken in many ways.
It can be taken in strict ways.
If the man leaves house early in the mornong and comes home late. The wife is suspicious. Should the man keep calling from work place phine every 15 to 30 minutes to make sure his wife knows where he was and she is able to check the called ID?
Married life is a combination of trust and be vigilant to the activities of the opposite partner. Not being suspicious or paranoid that you do not leave room for other to breathe. breathe=metaphorically. :)
So many naive and inexperienced people get hurt this way. No argument.
Your bold part just means you develop some sort of cautious behavior but it should not get in to the level of mistrust anyone to the point that your own life gets miserable and unhappy. Right? :)
This part is completely separate and it is a good advise for people to be honest.
But when you said No room for spmeone to doubt you can be taken in many ways.
It can be taken in strict ways.
If the man leaves house early in the mornong and comes home late. The wife is suspicious. Should the man keep calling from work place phine every 15 to 30 minutes to make sure his wife knows where he was and she is able to check the called ID?
Married life is a combination of trust and be vigilant to the activities of the opposite partner. Not being suspicious or paranoid that you do not leave room for other to breathe. breathe=metaphorically. :)
The call takes one second to make - "I am working late.." make some light convo..the end. How is that hard to do? Eventually, you will find that after some time she will begin to trust you and that trust will last forever. Like I said, trust needs to be earned and effort has to be made rather than just automatically assuming/expecting the other party to 'trust'.
I mean, for example, my mom used to be quite strict during my teenage years. She did that for obvious reasons. I would make sure I let her know where I am, not hang around with people she did not want me to hang around, always come on time etc. Now in my twenties, she has solid trust in me and I can actually talk to her about a lot of things other girls can't share with their mother. I don't have to tell her where I am going or where I am etc etc because that trust is very solid at this point. People always tell me "your parents are so cool with you..so lenient"..they hardly realize that its years worth of effort.
The call takes one second to make - "I am working late.." make some light convo..the end. How is that hard to do? Eventually, you will find that after some time she will begin to trust you and that trust will last forever. Like I said, trust needs to be earned and effort has to be made rather than just automatically assuming/expecting the other party to 'trust'.
I mean, for example, my mom used to be quite strict during my teenage years. She did that for obvious reasons. I would make sure I let her know where I am, not hang around with people she did not want me to hang around, always come on time etc. Now in my twenties, she has solid trust in me and I can actually talk to her about a lot of things other girls can't share with their mother. I don't have to tell her where I am going or where I am etc etc because that trust is very solid at this point. People always tell me "your parents are so cool with you..so lenient"..they hardly realize that its years worth of effort.
Sure. No argument there.
What I said in my post is that if the spouse demand periodically the assurance which is not practical nor should be demanded. Plus, what I mentioned is thast be vigilant.
Okay,
You gave example of being teenage. Great.
Please explain how this even can be applied to spouses? Spouses are not same as teeenage and parent relationship in terms of what to tell other. Right? :)
I will agree that being vigilant and aware of the tell-tale signs may be similar in both kind of relations.
Let me explain. Just as you keep a loving relation and trust your teenage, you love and trust your spouse.
Does not mean you are being paranoid or have any expectations of bad deed from him/her or mistrust him/her unnecessarily.
^no..spouses are not like parent-kid relations but that is the way to build trust - communication. You have to 'communicate' to your spouse about your whereabouts if you think she is the doubting type. Once in a while, have a conversation with her that she needs to trust you often in a gentle way. Eventually, she will stop doubting. Ranting is not gona help you know..all I am suggesting is a solution. I hear this 'doubting' story all the time from married people and I am often just confused..what in the world is so hard about telling your spouse where you are even if it's few times a day. I mean, we use our phone a million times a day for business/work related stuff - how come its hard to take a few mins off to call your spouse?...literally takes seconds...and 1 second with a text msg.
You know some things are a lot more simple than we actually think. Instead of questioning WHY your spouse is doubting you and taking it upon your ego, make some effort to get rid of the problem from its roots. It will be worth it in the end.
^no..spouses are not like parent-kid relations **but that is the way to build trust - **communication. You have to 'communicate' to your spouse about your whereabouts if you think she is the doubting type. Once in a while, have a conversation with her that she needs to trust you often in a gentle way. Eventually, she will stop doubting. Ranting is not gona help you know..all I am suggesting is a solution. I hear this 'doubting' story all the time from married people and I am often just confused..what in the world is so hard about telling your spouse where you are even if it's few times a day. I mean, we use our phone a million times a day for business/work related stuff - how come its hard to take a few mins off to call your spouse?...literally takes seconds...and 1 second with a text msg.
You know some things are a lot more simple than we actually think. Instead of questioning WHY your spouse is doubting you and taking it upon your ego, make some effort to get rid of the problem from its roots. It will be worth it in the end.
Great post except some cliches or minor misconceptions you may have.
We agree now that spouses are not like parent and children relationship.
You mentioned about communication. Good.
What if the spouse is completely oblivious of other partner being suspicious for no reason?
i know and have seen some men who are being paranoid for absolutely no reason
the wife is sitting at her mum and he is damn angry and frustrated that wat r those 2 talking about and stuff!!!! we have so many weird cases in our society
