Pakistani Wedding Traditions

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
1

Salaam,

My oldest sister is getting married soon. The guy lives here but his family is all in Karachi. My family is from here but most of our family is in Lahore. We’re doing a small “ghar-waloan” mehndi and a large nikkah reception here in America over the summer, and then in December we will do a mehndi and the rukhsati in Lahore, and the valeema in Karachi. So, it’s pretty hectic because we’re running around rushing to get things arranged. This is the first wedding in our immediate family. :slight_smile:

Anyways, so while I was talking about different wedding traditions with my mom, she mentioned a lot of things that I had never heard about. I just wanted to ask you guys to please help me out and inform me of different Pakistani wedding traditions that I should know about, so I don’t make an idiot out of myself during the wedding.

I have so many questions:
Should me and my siblings get the guy a gift?

Am I really expected to take the guys shoe off at the wedding? What if he’s wearing laced-on shoes? Do I sit there and untie them and expect him to not kick me in the face?

Am I supposed to put mehndi on the leaf and circle money around and around their heads?

Should I be on the stage at all times or is it alright if I wander around with my pals?

Do I have to say salaam to all the Aunties/Uncles? What if I don’t even know who they are?

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

your sibling and you can get him the traditional gift: the watch. so while the girl might be getting a set from her in laws, he will be getting that watch.

well you can opt not to have the joota chupai rasm. instead you can do the either the tang-bandhna or the doodh pilai. lol if you are getting the guy his shaadi ka jora you can do this: buy him shoes that are like 2 sizes too bug. so even if he does tie them really tightly…it can still slip of easily :devil:

you are supposed to put the mehndi on the leaf, but not circle the money around the head. that’s what usually the elders do.

when it’s mehndi time it will be good if you are on the stage the whole time, holding the thali for the mhendi and tail. as for the barat and walima, don’t. sit there a few times, but other times definitely mingle.

errr not really. say salam to the people you know. usually someone will drag you to be introduced to annother aunty or uncle, and then you say salam and dua. but beware, people at the wedding will be guessing who is teh sister of the bride.

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

Okay so I heard I should be getting some major cash since I’m the dhulan’s bhen and all. :faizy: Around how many figures are we talkin’ here?

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

hmmm.. you live here in U.S right? so i would say that anywhere between $100 to $150 would be fair. However if its a big group probably a little more :)

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

well depends on how you get em. if you are going to be the nice saalis, then you will only ask money at one of the rasms: doodh pilai, joota chupai or the tang bandhna. i’m gonna talk in pakistani rupees. at my last doodh pilai…we got a total of 15K rupees. but we had asked for much more than that. on the other hand, i have heard of people getting 50K for the rasms. now, if you want to be the evil ones, you can ask for money at all the rasms. ofcourse…in less increments than that :halo: the key is to demand 3X what you expect to recieve.

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

Salaam,

My oldest sister is getting married soon. The guy lives here but his family is all in Karachi. My family is from here but most of our family is in Lahore. We're doing a small "ghar-waloan" mehndi and a large nikkah reception here in America over the summer, and then in December we will do a mehndi and the rukhsati in Lahore, and the valeema in Karachi. So, it's pretty hectic because we're running around rushing to get things arranged. This is the first wedding in our immediate family. :)

Anyways, so while I was talking about different wedding traditions with my mom, she mentioned a lot of things that I had never heard about. I just wanted to ask you guys to please help me out and inform me of different Pakistani wedding traditions that I should know about, so I don't make an idiot out of myself during the wedding.

I have so many questions:
Should me and my siblings get the guy a gift?

During the wedding, it's your parents job to get the groom and his family stuff, not yours or even the bride's...My parents did give stuff, but nothign was expected of me or my brother to give stuff to him....after the wedding, giv him watever u want....

Am I really expected to take the guys shoe off at the wedding? What if he's wearing laced-on shoes? Do I sit there and untie them and expect him to not kick me in the face?

Um I have no idea abt juthi chupai since I never did that nad nobody in my family did that.. :(

Am I supposed to put mehndi on the leaf and circle money around and around their heads?

Um yeah everybody gets a turn doing htat....

Should I be on the stage at all times or is it alright if I wander around with my pals?

*During the photos, yes be up on stage :D *

Do I have to say salaam to all the Aunties/Uncles? What if I don't even know who they are?

*Ummmmmm...i dont know :D *

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

as a sister you are probably expected to be a mini host (depending on your age) so greeting guests you know is important, making sure they are comfortable etc
also the rasams u want to do is totally up to you
the juta chupai etc are fun and ways to get money too ;)
one other rasam, when the groom comes to sit down with the bride, you block his path to the stage until he gives u money, this is a nice alternative to the joota chupai thing if you are worried about the logistics of removing his shoes

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

I feel bad for the poor guy and I mean isn’t that a little wierd like blocking the doorway… :bummer: seems so informal and badtameez. :smack:

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will it help if i say that it was probably all done to delay the rukhsati and the :teary3: parts

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

Well I’m actually happy for her that she’s getting married. Is that wierd? :bummer:

is there anything else I need to know?

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

Hahaha dont feel bad! Dude its a happy occasion, all the crying and rona -dhona are mostly for show (and yes getting caught up in the moment)…plus with the rasta rokhna, u wont be alone, pretty much all the women will be together blocking his way into the hall :cb:

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

No its not weird, you want your own room, we get it :wink:

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

Salaam,

My oldest sister is getting married soon. The guy lives here but his family is all in Karachi. My family is from here but most of our family is in Lahore. We’re doing a small “ghar-waloan” mehndi and a large nikkah reception here in America over the summer, and then in December we will do a mehndi and the rukhsati in Lahore, and the valeema in Karachi. So, it’s pretty hectic because we’re running around rushing to get things arranged. This is the first wedding in our immediate family. :slight_smile:

Anyways, so while I was talking about different wedding traditions with my mom, she mentioned a lot of things that I had never heard about. I just wanted to ask you guys to please help me out and inform me of different Pakistani wedding traditions that I should know about, so I don’t make an idiot out of myself during the wedding.

Wsalam. First of all congrats to your sister. May Allah bless her with a happy married life. ameen :slight_smile:

Should me and my siblings get the guy a gift?

No, you don’t have to but if you want you guys can. I didn’t simply because I was pretty tied up in other stuff and just forgot. It really didn’t matter.

Am I really expected to take the guys shoe off at the wedding? What if he’s wearing laced-on shoes? Do I sit there and untie them and expect him to not kick me in the face?

No, you are not expected to do the rasam but if you want you can. I never took my BIL’s shoe out, one of my cousin’s son did. It was their first desi wedding and they were too excited about the jota chupai thing, so they took the shoe off. :smiley:

If he is wearing laced shoes, you don’t have to un tie the laces, just take help from other kids and pull the shoe off. And no he will not kick in ypur face..lol :smiley:
by the way, this was the funniest question…lol

Am I supposed to put mehndi on the leaf and circle money around and around their heads?

No, you don’t have to do that either. Mostly elders or married people do it. But if you want to do it just put the mehndi and feed methai :smiley: I would skip the circling money part…

Should I be on the stage at all times or is it alright if I wander around with my pals?

No, you should not be on the stage at all the time…lol… for some time it is ok but no not all the time..lol… and ya it is perfectly fine to wander around with pals.

Do I have to say salaam to all the Aunties/Uncles? What if I don’t even know who they are?

Well, it is courteous to say salam to who ever you come accross but you don’t have to go around the tables and do that with everyone, unless your mom says so. :smiley:

And no, it is not wired that you are happy for her, that is the way to go. Oh and have fun! :wink: :slight_smile:

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

lol…we never did that…so it is on you guys, if you guys are comfortable then go ahead otherwise skip :smiley:

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

  1. No set rule for a gift. If you guys are super-close to him then I can see sense in getting him a personal gift of sorts, but not necessary cuz your parents will cover that ground.

  2. Yeah seems weird trying to take his shoes off but i'm sure he's aware of the tradition. If you feel awkward bending down and getting under the chair to take his shoes off, make a younger cousins do it! Get like ur 11 year old girl cousin to do it, dulha won't fight a young kid.

  3. No set rule, but it's kinda fun. More for the picture sake than anything else.

  4. You don't have to be around the stage at all times, but be around cuz someone will need you, like ur mum, sibs, aunties. There's always something to do.

  5. Most important - your mum will be busy being a good host and greeting everyone. She might forget a few so hover around the entrance area, put on ur best smile, touch cheeks, kiss the air, and tell um to have a seat/appetizers/food. Your face/jaw will hurt at the end of the night, but you'll get such a good rep amongst the aunties. That can either be a good thing or a bad thing, but you don't want anyone to complain at the end that they weren't greeted by the family members.

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

well as far as the taking off shoes rasam is involved.. it really depends on what tradition ur family follows regarding it..
the way i’ve seen our family do is.. that on the wedding day.. just have the doodh-pilai.. where u serve the guy milk.. n ask him to give u money…
just a lil hint for a bit of fun :stuck_out_tongue: it is quite common to ‘joke’ around.. by mixing somethin in the milk.. to make it taste not gud.. n force him to drink it.. its quite a bit of a scene n tonnes of fun!! :devil:
but do make sure u have another glass with ‘drinkable’ milk in it.. which u can give to him after the whole fooling around..

as for the ‘joota-chupai’.. from what i knw it isnt done on the wedding itself… after the wedding… when the groom n bride come back to the bride’s place.. for the i think its called ‘pag-pheera’ rasam.. that is when u do the ‘joota-chupai’.. cuz whether he comes at ur place for a day or a few days.. he’s bound to take off his shoes.. so u just take care.. n hide his shoes while he’s not aware..
another tip.. in this one its usually the groom who plays the trick.. esp if they’re in another city.. so when they come they have a bag with them or something.. the groom could get another pair of spare shoes.. n when u say that u’ve hidden his shoes… so he has to either pay u or go home bare feet.. he’d say its ok u can keep them cuz he has another pair.. u can b ready for this in advance.. by ganging up with ur sister.. n hiding his ‘spare’ pair of shoes as well :devil:

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

I have so many questions:
Should me and my siblings get the guy a gift?
i think we just gave him aftershave and a wash bag with loads of creams and man crap.

Am I really expected to take the guys shoe off at the wedding? What if he's wearing laced-on shoes? Do I sit there and untie them and expect him to not kick me in the face?
i just did the dood pillai, nothing else... got enough money from that!!!

Am I supposed to put mehndi on the leaf and circle money around and around their heads?
did the mehndi and the oil on the hair, but not the money.

Should I be on the stage at all times or is it alright if I wander around with my pals?
i was busy rushing around helping to organise stuff, so only went up for photo's. make sure you go up to her regularly to make sure she's ok and check if she needs anything... do this REGULARLY, my sister needed me so many times!!!!

Do I have to say salaam to all the Aunties/Uncles? What if I don't even know who they are?
yes do, they will know who you are and so it's nice and doesn't take too much to say salaam to people who cross your path, there is no need to go up to each person, your parents do that:)

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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

So is the dulha required to give the dhulan’s sister’s any pehay? :faizy:

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yes

Girls and Education
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Re: Pakistani Wedding Traditions

sawwwweeeeeettt! :phati:

okay and um I’ve always wondered this…do the dhula and dhulan just like not eat that night or something? I mean they just sit there the whole time. Is it boring?