pakistani ways of the world...

[redvelvet]

@nadz123

so many little things in our families mean the world to others dont they, especially among our own people/family. i notice my gorey friends dont stress about silly little things, like what she said he said stuff, we tend to over think.

You’re not around your goray friends all the time to so confidently say whether they are over-thinkers or not. I’ve seen goray people in the workplace over analyze something that another person said…sometimes overanalyze something that I said or didn’t say or did or didn’t do…when I had no ill intentions to begin with.

my hubbys wasnt well at all past 2 days and hes still ill today so i said bye to them in case i dnt see them before they go on holiday, ( cos hubbys ill, may not be able to come) they fly out wednesday.
i didnt take any gifts as i wasnt prepared to say bye today, they called us round for dinner, i wouldve gone today ro 2mrw anyway to say bye.

^Did you explain to your relatives that your hubby has been sick and you’ve been busy? If so, they may have understood why you came empty-handed. If they were THAT offended that you didn’t bring them a gift…then they wouldn’t have invited you for dinner. I think it takes time and energy to invite someone for dinner (cooking cleaning) and it seems like their invitation was sincere.

anyway mum is now giving me a lecture as how it didnt look good that i didnt give anything, and that unho nai to roti kay liya boliya aur tumne khuda hafiz bi kehdiya..gift nahi to paise dedeti…

**Have you gone for dinner yet? A “gift” can be anything. It can even be some cake or pie or a box of chocolates that you take with you when you go for dinner. I’ve seen people (of various cultures) bring the host a small gift when invited to dinner. Not just a desi thing.
**
is this such a big deal…

**Nope, it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t seem like you think it’s a big deal. So, why are you getting so worked up and making a “big deal” out of it? Your mom’s perception is her own…you don’t have to share it. Drama gets created in families when parents start comparing. “Oh did you see how much money she gave to the kids?” “Did you see how smart that Aunti’s kid is?” “Did you see how elegant and big their home is?” This comparing leads people to become self-conscious and competitive…and this creates a lot of unnecessary pressure.
**
how would i come across now to my cusins…who just because they live in joint family has never given me anything, its always aunty that gives it, they gives as one althought they recieve as two…

**^ Kya hogaya hai Nadz??? Don’t get so worked up, hon. If they give you a gift as “one”…then you do the same. Who said that you had to give a gift to ever single member of that family. Just get a box of chocolates…that’s a gift meant for ALL members of the family. **

im now living alone with hubby so it was deemed my duty..

**It’s enough just to give your good wishes to the traveler…gifts are not necessary. Simple kind words and a warm fare-well are “duty” enough.
**
what must they think of me…booo hooo.i wouldnt care, but mum does…:

^They wouldn’t have invited you if they didn’t like you. People don’t make such an effort as a dinner invitation for those they don’t care for. Tell your mom that you’re not going to discuss this issue with her anymore and that it’s not some Islamic rule that you must always bring gifts for travelers. Rather a good Muslim is one who wishes his brothers and sisters well and had kind words to say…and this does not always have to come with a gift. And that you have fulfilled that formality as a Muslim. There. Done.
**

***************** **Now here is a suggestion that I have. You see, gift giving becomes a CYCLE, so to speak. I’ll explain. You give gift to Aunti…she gives gift to you…you feel the need to give a gift again…she gives one to you…and so the cycle continues until the crack of doom. Just…break the cycle. You might be doing many people a favor. When you fail to give a gift so some Aunti who previously gave you a gift…she might think **“Oh well, Nadia didn’t get me a gift, so I won’t get her one the next time either.” ** So, then she won’t get you one in the future and you won’t be obligated to get her one either. You and Aunti Ji will meet each other with a smile and kind words and no mention of the lack of presents. The other family members will notice this and may think, “Jee…maybe the world won’t end if we didn’t bring a gift.” And then maybe others might start becoming a bit more “relaxed” about this tradition that your family has come up with.