So what are Pakistani Table manners? Or Dastarkhawan kay adab for those who think table and manners are western terminologies.
I am trying to find this information with respect to different cultures in Pakistan. Information like, does your family back in Pakistan prefers eating rice with their fingers or uses a spoon/fork? Do people sit on a table or on the ground, or just anywhere in front of TV? What food goes with what sides? Is burping allowed? Is pichakay marna frowned upon or is it a sign that you are enjoying your food? Do batman/nokar chakar get to eat with everyone at the table or separately? Do women eat first, with or after everyone else? Who gets to eat first, elder or anyone? How is the food passed around, random or in a specific order based on location/age or gender? Stuff like that.
Well, here ppl use spoons/forks or their hands.. its thier choice.. usually if there’s guests, ill use spoons/forks, not fingers I remember back then they would place a mat on teh floor and we’d eat there, at my mamu’s house, they’d all eat on teh bed.. but now its a table usually.. what’s pichakay marna? TV isn’t on while they eat, everyone just sits n talks.. our nokar, he eats separately from us, he lives outside too.. When its just family, there’s no “order”, women will eat too.. but when its guests, then men eat first n then the women.. i think that’s kinda retarded n im not doing that kinda crap in my house (if i ever get my own home) Usually after htey eat, theres’ a coupla burps and “Allah ka shukar hai” meaning the food was good.. anyway I’ve herd that burping in other cultures is a sign that the food was gud and u enjoyed it
in pakistan...we used to eat at either a table or dastarkhwan. if the batman was a man he would eat afterwards and if a woman she would eat with us...we used forks and spoons to eat, except when eating roti. we washed our hands before we ate. no burping was allowed....except for my dad. The eldest people...grandma and dad were served first... but it wasnt something strictly followed... men and women sat down to eat together however if there were any guests over the guests ate first, usually with elder family members and then the gharwalay kids..
USA- we all eat at different times, in front of the tv, in our rooms, in the kitchen, out of the saucepan. except for some weekends when my dad's here and we all have a family dinner...even then my brother leaves with his plate to watch the game. at dinner parties the men from the guests eat first, the women slave in the kitchen, the kids eat after the men and then the women....oh yes and we seldom wash our hands. i burp all the time in front of the women.
At our household we always used to eat at the table, as long as everyone can fit at the table. We are a big family and as my elder brother & sisters got married, the table seemed to shrink in size when they were all visiting. If the table wasn’t enough a chadar or an extra/old table cloth was spread on the floor and mostly kids would get to sit there.
The elders, regardless of gender had to be served first, we were required to eat what was cooked, no matter how much we hate eating that particular food (e.g. Shalgam), we were required to clean our plates and put in our plates only that we can eat; we were also required to eat from the front of the plate. We used to share water glasses, so a family of 7 will have only 4 glasses on the table. That meant, everyone has to drink what they pour into their glass, so others can drink in the same glass afterwards. That practice faded away with my siblings moving out of the house. We were not allowed to leave the table until parents were finished and no TV. Burping was not frowned upon but pichakay were a nono. Even though my parents knew how to eat rice with their hands and my elder brother and sisters did too, I was never taught that skill. Liking your fingers was only allowed if it was accompanied by a compliment on how good the food was.
In our pind however things were different. We had a dining table but it was never used. Breakfast was a random meal where you get to eat it in the kitchen sitting next to the wood burning stove, or on the charpai, or on a chair somewhere. Lunch & dinner was served on the chaties or mats, and then the same were used for prayers afterwards. It was encouraged to eat with your fingers and you were a joke if you couldn’t :( Because we were such a big family so at events like Eid, usually one of the elder ladies was in charge of serving everyone and the mothers would keep an eye to see if you are doing ok or if you needed something. In other words you couldn’t get the food from the platter, you ask the elder in charge for some more. Some rules like no waste and eat from the front still applied but others like licking fingers, burping etc. were not frowned upon.
In pind, the proper way to drinking chai required slurping it or pouring it from the cup into the saucer pan. And if you didn’t get a lusi mustache after drinking your big glass of lusi than you probably don’t belong there. :D This was a big no no in my family.
Information like, does your family back in Pakistan prefers eating rice with their fingers or uses a spoon/fork? we use forks and spoons..
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Do people sit on a table or on the ground, or just anywhere in front of TV? **we all gather around the tv - gotta watch the news, right?
What food goes with what sides? hmm..roti with any salan that mom made. is that what you meant?
Is burping allowed? only for my baba.. :D
Is pichakay marna frowned upon or is it a sign that you are enjoying your food? what's pickakay marna?
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Do batman/nokar chakar get to eat with everyone at the table or separately? **there's no nokar chokar mentality in canada...we do everything ourselves..
Do women eat first, with or after everyone else? **women eat with everyone else..
Who gets to eat first, elder or anyone? **i think this is more out of respect, than table manners, but usually the eldest get's the food first..and after that it's free for all! :D
How is the food passed around, random or in a specific order based on location/age or gender? **no passing...get up and get it yourself..
**btw, is this for some sort of assignment or project your doing, or just cause you're curious?
In our house the men, women and children all ate seperately because everyone would get home at different times, the women usually ate first, then the children and then the men.
The female servants such as the cook and the domestic ate with the women and the male staff such as the farmhands ate with the men.
We did have dining tables in the house but they were rarely used and we sat on the floor on luxurious, thick, silky Beluchi rugs and ate using our fingers.
because we the men in pakistan don't have queueing sense so its better if women folk come later to eat otherwis they will be trampled over, we also lack the tolerance for hungriness, we are greedy so we want to be there first so can have the best portions of the food.
Back in Pakistan, we had no dining table in my early childhood ...mostly we'd sit on mat with dastarkhwan ....when we had a table we always used it. Only on big events like dinner parties we used to eat on mat as table wasn't enough to accomodate everyone.
For rice we used spoons n forks ....but we knew how to eat using our fingers too!
Ammi would be really upset if the meal is on table n some of us are still not there....she used to say...'rizq ka intazaar kartay haiN, rizq ko intazaar neheen karatay' ( meal isn't supposed to wait for you, you are supposed to wait for meal)
khair ...normally abbu was served first ...then whoever is sitting next to him n so on. In my family ...I start from the youngest member n me n hubby serve ourselves in the end.
eating with your mouth(lips) open was n is a big no no. We all used to wash our hands, come to table ....eat with a light gupshup with all members on table ....wait for sweet dish/fruit after meal which was served when everyone is done with the main meal etc. after that one of us siblings was responsible for removing food n dirty dishes from table....n other one would clean the table. these duties were meant to be rotated among us .We all usually were supposed to wait till everyone has finished the meal n only then we were allowed to go. Finishing the last speck of meal off the plate was required....we were supposed to fill our plates only with the amount we'lll finish . This is something i expect my kids to do as well.
burping was looked down upon....but in dinner parties etc. fathers side used to do it i think ....I've never seen a lady burping etc. (thank God)
washing our hands after the meal was a must too....
Nobody is allowed to say 'wats this I don't like this I'll eat something else etc.' when the meal is on table. You are welcome to suggest somehing for menu ....but NO REJECTION or nasty remarks about food on the table. Ammi used to cook everything including some not so great tasting veggies but we were supposed to eat it....infact I saw this nakhray bazi' abt food only when i went to hostel n saw girls throwing a tantrum over 'yeh kia paka diya' ...we were always asked to leave if we absolutely can't eat something (it never happened though) but without remarks. The only food I really don't like is 'pa'ay' n still I could never refuse it.
Oh n skipping a meal wasn't allowed either ....unless you are sick. Specially dinnertime ...it was a must to eat at least a lil bit (2-3 niwaalay, as ammi used to say:) )
Gosh.. at home with my parents i have so many nakhray when it comes to food.. im not a daal/sabzi person, n can only eat mutton (we call it gosht) when im super super super hungry.. if ammi hasn’t cooked what i like, ill make/buy something from outside.. But as a guest i wud never do that..
When I have kids, im gnna make sure they’ dont have as many nakhray as I do
when i was little i used to cry and throw a tantrum whenever i had to eat roti salan, especially daal...these days, i dont mind mind the salans, but do prefer naan than roti...
and i also hate it when the men eat first at dawats...and makes me even mad is when they come for seconds when the ladies are still put food on their plates...urghh!!!
Back home our family would have lunch and dinner together. I believe the grandparents got the food first, then us kids, and finally parents. We all sat on a table. We used spoons for rice and right hand for roti and salan. I guess people did burp and stuff, but that was because they couldn't burp quitely I suppose. We'd try to have dinner around 7pm or so, so that some of us can watch the drama on PTV or STN from 8pm-9pm. I guess at times we'd have dinner while watching T.V., but we ate on the table.
The only occasions we ate on a dasatarkhwan was when there were other families over. Therefore, the kids would eat on dastarkhwan, while the adults would eat on the table.
As for here, we hardly eat together, unless there's company. That is because we all have different timings of when we get home or have to leave home, so we eat accordingly. I hardly eat on the dining table. I'm either on the couch eating in front of T.V. or up in my room eating. As for the manners, they have remained the same. Spoon for rice and everything else and only roti and salan with right hand. Burping out loud is still frowned upon. Sister and I hate it when people make noises while chewing or sipping on some drink. We (sis and I) always reminder each other if we ever accidentally do it.
I remember back then they would place a mat on teh floor and we’d eat there, at my mamu’s house, they’d all eat on teh bed.. but now its a table usually.. what’s pichakay marna? TV isn’t on while they eat, everyone just sits n talks.. our nokar, he eats separately from us, he lives outside too.. When its just family, there’s no “order”, women will eat too.. but when its guests, then men eat first n then the women.. i think that’s kinda retarded n im not doing that kinda crap in my house (if i ever get my own home) 
Usually after htey eat, theres’ a coupla burps and “Allah ka shukar hai” meaning the food was good.. anyway I’ve herd that burping in other cultures is a sign that the food was gud and u enjoyed it
