Most of you have misunderstood me. I wrote a short to the point request so here’s the long explanation.
I love and respect my father a lot. I have done everything in my power to be there for him. But I am his child and not his partner or friend. He will not share his pain with me. Around me and my family, he is happy but when he is alone which is most of the time, he is very sad. I work full-time and take care of my disable mother (in nursing home) on weekends. He refuses to socialize with his friends and their wives because it reminds him of the times they spent together when mom was around. I asked him to get a job at a local library, Barnes & Noble. This way he can do some reading which he loves and come in contact with people. That’s a no. OK, let’s volunteer at a local hospital or mosque. That’s a no. I have come up with so many ideas but everything is a no. Since he chooses to not be involved, he has no one to talk with and no one to share his thoughts with. I am afraid this will cause him to go in depression. I asked him to move in with me, although I am not home all day, the house is full in the evening. Well, he rather die then live with his married daughter. My husband and children and I always include him when we go out for a family dinner. I have asked him to organize the old albums so we can have a nice historical album in order. There could be close to 1000 pictures around the house, again, no, it reminds him of mom.
I hope that explains why I came across frustrated. I rather die then live my dad alone to suffer. I know I have to get old too someday. My kids are watching my actions. I am doing the best I can with the challenges given but I seem to fail when it comes to my dad. It tears me apart that I can’t connect him with people that he could share a laugh or two with. Since he does not want to be around the goras, I thought of a Pakistani group. I am sure he will find a reason to no go there either...
sabah, I so much feel for you because my mom is much the same. And the situation is the same - she wants to live on her own and will not move in with us or with my sister no matter how much we plead...yet she is so very lonely and sad on her own. And not "into" anything we suggest as far as activities. Its a very tough situation for sure. lol, perhaps we should introduce your dad to my mom! (just kidding :)) All I can say is, try to treasure your time with him as m uch as you can, and never stop seeking because one day you may find just the perfect thing for him. INshallah!
Sabah - why don't you find out about the "Adult care" for senior citizens. There are many senior citizen groups and I think they are funded by the gov. These groups have ALL people Indians, Spanish, any... so even if he does not speak English, he can still communicate with other Indian members.
They have daily activities for seniors - just like they have it at a kids daycare center.
Fridays are reserved for free movies... DARN - some older people I know have seen MOST movies and I am like no I have not seen that yet :)
They also have trips to the malls, lunches at local restaurants, etc. It's very lively for adults to be involved with.
I think you bigger issue may be that he is depressed, lack of interest in all the options you have presented, avoiding friends and all may just be that. Now it is very tough to have elders especially of our culture go see a cunselor or take medications to help, but please atleast figure out if that is the case.
X2, you're most likely right - this is the case with my mom. She doesnt like to even take a tylenol. And her view of psychologists is that they're the most messed up people on the planet and seek to make their patients as messed up as they are lol. My sis and I talked about some herbal anti-depressives like St Johns Wort, put it in her coffee...we never did but I think it could have helped.
She's a bit better now, my SIL has been very ill so she stepped in to help care for her. She really isnt much happier but at least she's busy these days and it does help.
Saba, keep seeking no matter how frustrating it is. Eventually you'll find something for him.
He is depressed already, for sure. They are all signs of deep depression. He needs professional help to get out of this depression. Once he is out of his depression he will find things to do himself.