Re: Pakistani parents and fathers
Desi parenting has its pros and cons and western has the same........I have seen spoilt children from uber strict parents and well to do chidren from easy going parents and even vice versa.....So you can't generalise anything !!!! All I can say is enjoy your parenting days and be consistent with whatever you do.......One thing, I can bet on is that if both the parents put up a united front...kids can never go wrong !
Desi parenting has its pros and cons and western has the same........I have seen spoilt children from uber strict parents and well to do chidren from easy going parents and even vice versa.....So you can't generalise anything !!!! All I can say is enjoy your parenting days and be consistent with whatever you do.......One thing, I** can bet on is that if both the parents put up a united front...kids can never go wrong** !
Yes, absolutely, definitely!
There are parents where moms know everything and dads know nothing because he's "too strict" or everyone including the mom are scared of him - that's when things usually go wrong.
If moms tell dads everything, kids would be put in their place in no time.
choti jaan - yelling is in no way productive, insults and put downs lead to to low sef-esteem. Constructive criticism is beneficial
carpool - gora kids will do the same things as brown kids. I dont understand this where this generalisation of saying western/gora kids are worse the pakistani kids has cropped up from, its a form of racism just like saying all black people are criminals.
Whether u like it or not sex, drugs n alochol are prevalent and easily accesible everywhere. If teenagers growin up wish to experiment you cant really stop them. Can u watch someone 24 hours a day? i think not. At least in the west they try to educate children about the dangers, where as in Pakistan everythink is brushed under the carpet, which if anything makes kids and teenagers more curious and more likely to try it.
wondurgirl - im not talkin about the rich spoilt kids in pakistan who live in big kothees wid 10 nokaar.. im talkin bout overseas parents, who feel that they have to keep control and bringing an element of old school 'fear' with their parenting style. Basically copying their parents. I've heard many desi parents saying "kids aint scared of their parents like we were"
Re: Pakistani parents and fathers
SD put your self for adoption get a new dad.
Re: Pakistani parents and fathers
couldn't read most of the posts (too long). Only that the title intrigued me... parents and fathers! I thought father was a parent!
choti jaan - yelling is in no way productive, insults and put downs lead to to low sef-esteem. Constructive criticism is beneficial
carpool - gora kids will do the same things as brown kids. I dont understand this where this generalisation of saying western/gora kids are worse the pakistani kids has cropped up from, its a form of racism just like saying all black people are criminals.
Whether u like it or not sex, drugs n alochol are prevalent and easily accesible everywhere. If teenagers growin up wish to experiment you cant really stop them. Can u watch someone 24 hours a day? i think not. At least in the west they try to educate children about the dangers, where as in Pakistan everythink is brushed under the carpet, which if anything makes kids and teenagers more curious and more likely to try it.
wondurgirl - im not talkin about the rich spoilt kids in pakistan who live in big kothees wid 10 nokaar.. im talkin bout overseas parents, who feel that they have to keep control and bringing an element of old school 'fear' with their parenting style. Basically copying their parents. I've heard many desi parents saying "kids aint scared of their parents like we were"
Look, shortdog every family is different in the way they handle things. Some parents do evoke fear in their children's hearts and they grow up just fine and later on joke about it. Some parents even give their children a whopping and kids grow up to love their parents for it and later joke about it--- in fact there was this whole one thread where everyone related about the worst whopping they ever got, and most of those people loved there parents. Some parents yell to get points across, and many times it works.
Other parents never yell or scream and there children have no fear of their paretns, and many of these kids grow up fine. However, others don't- they grow up end up doing controversial things.
Screaming, yelling, whopping, instilling fear in the hearts of children are not new Parental techiniques limited to desi parents. Have you not heard goray people say: "spare the rod, spoil the child," or say now " if I did that in front of my dad....." "these days parents are just not hard on their kids anymore- if I did that while i was growing up....." and on and on? Well I have- many a times. Its's nothing limited to desi parents or to any culture and to say so is a gross generalization.
Also, the point that you make where "at least in the West they try to educated their kids" about drugs. Well if you grew in the West in the mid-late 90s there was program called DARE that did just that-- and guess what- this program became so controversial- and showed NO CHANGES in drug usage in kids later on- in fact I believe, studied showed MORE usage they said it was because kids became more aware of what was out there and wanted to try those things.
Regardless of why people use drugs it is surely not limited to their "desi" upbringing (and many many factors are involved-povery, parents working all the time and not watching their kids, parents using drugs themselves, peer pressure, etc all play a role. ) and** neither do we see more desi kids in the West using drugs then their more "western/goray" counterparts**- so to say that pakistani kids use drugs because their parents don't talk about it is a gross statment with little evidence to back it up. In many desi households it's a given not to do things like that- and that's the end of story.
couldn't read most of the posts (too long). Only that the title intrigued me... parents and fathers! I thought father was a parent!
lolzz
i'd just like to share sth tat i experienced myself yesterday. i was tutoring a chinese student yesterday at a local coffee place. my student's dad also came along and stayed while i tutored her. during the 3 hour stay he continously offered me n bot me as well as his daughter muffins and coffee and was so kind. he just sat there doin nothin while his daughter was studying.
i thot tat was very sweet. all parents whethere desis or non desis are sweet and very caring. mayb theyhave different ways to show theycare but theyall do adn tat includes goras too.
Re: Pakistani parents and fathers
Parents are different it depend on what they learned from their parents. What they give preference to.
ShortDog what you said some parents might behave that and that is very wrong way.
My perents was strict and sometimes very strick but sometimes we use to make fun with my mom. My dad always kept distance from us but sometimes talk to us as he was very busy person didn't get enough time. He was strict to us too. Kind of mix. He use to take us to movies and dinners each weekend and use to play too. But he didn't help us in our education as he got great education and position holder. But he never ever asked us what we are doing in regards of our education and never ever went to our school to check, see or find how we are going with our education.
He went or school once to get our admission that's it. He was wealthy enough but didn't send us in private schools to have good education. Always sent us in gov school.
Never taught us any single thing about religion or life or how to deal with anything. My mom wasn't educated enough but she always asked us at fixed to read. She also never visited our school and never went to school if there any pernets meeting.
We all brothers and sisters did everything on our own like learning things about life and got education. My father even gave us tough time in getting money to even buy books. We have to ask every time like faqeers. My mom has to ask everydaylike faqeer for many times for things to cook for everyday.
He use to give lots of money to my relatives and other ppl even strangers. He always did thing to show ppl not for us.
PPl thought we are living a lavish life. He gave us big house but made us faqeer for even a very little and signle things.
Now Alhamdolillah we got education great education and now all are in great position. Now my father is jealous of us. We got do shikayats about us all lies. Made us all bad in everyone eyes. He doesn't love us at all.
1 of my brother says is your father only and "tera baap sanp". lol yes he is he did like that.
I can't cut contact with him. My whole family get mad why you talk to him. My brother and sisters don't talk to him. As in the begining he didn't even answer to their salam and never talked to them now they don't talk to him. Now my dad all the time tont me says things that hurt me and says your brother and sister don't call me.
Dono taraf say main pista hoon. Dono taraf say batain sunni parti hain. I'm dheet why would I leave my father because of him I got existance as Allah chose him. No matter what or how he gave us money so we got education to achieve this position.
I always ask my brothers ans sisters to tall to my father no matter what he did to us. Now 1 of miy sister sometimes call him when he get sick then all my brothers call him too.
I don't think he will servive more. He has got heart problem and tommorrow he is going for operation. I love him so much. I could die for him.
Re: Pakistani parents and fathers
My parents were very distant from me when I was growing up. I was closer to my aunts and uncles but as I grew up, we got closer.