Something new that I learned yesterday was that when a woman’s parents-in-law pass away, her family is responsible for organising the food for the funeral. So each bahu’s family pays for the catering etc on alternating days. I don’t get this rasm. I understand that the immediate family members of the deceased would be too grief-stricken to look after the guests but wouldn’t it make more sense if the closest next of kin took care of these things, why must it be the bahu’s family?
At the end of the day, sawaab he mille ga I know but I was just wondering ye rasmein banata kon hai. Why did there have to be a rasm anyway, jis ka dil karay or jo financially able ho wo organise kar de bus gul khatam.
Please share any other interesting funeral-related customs that you can think of.
I’ve never heard that it was the bahu’s family that needed to cook or pay for catering
In our own family, the relatives (cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, close friends) all insist on cooking and bringing food to the home. So until the *teeja or soyem *(three days after the funeral) - the family of the deceased doesn’t cook because the relatives know the family is distraught and this is their way of supporting the family in their grief. Yes, this is based on culture, and no basis in religion, but it does show solidarity and consideration by the relatives. Everyone gets together in one home (meaning all the sons/daughters and their families) and who ever is bringing the food, brings it to one place.
I will say from unfortunate personal experience, having the relatives visit and do something as simple as bring breakfast or lunch or dinner is a huge comfort *aur dil se unke liyay dua’ein nikalti hain.
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I can understand that the bahu’s parents may provide the food one day - but I would think they would want to, as opposed to it being an expectation.
In our neighbor there resides a family ,they have this very weird sort of funeral rasm .. they serve every possible thing that you can find in a HI-fi/elite family wedding. and if by chance you are unable to reach on that particular day they'll send a package containing all the stuff.
But I agree yeah ..there are families that pressurize their Bahu/Bahuz to arrange meal for the family and friends that are attending the funeral.
It does not h ave to be the bahu's parents.It can be the damaad's parents or the damaad himself as well,from what I have heard.
I actually tried to think how it has been in my family and extended family but I did not see a pattern.It is just something someone does as a courtesy at such a time of grief.
But to the OP...what you mentioned,is also not unheard of.It does happen but as I said it is not only the bahu's family.Like if a man's parent in law passes away,he can be the one paying for the meal the next day or so.
But it is because when my khala's father-in-law passed away, my mamu ended up organising the khana. I'm not saying that all Pakistanis do this hence this thread because there must be many different rasms and it would be interesting to read about them.
But it is because when my khala's father-in-law passed away, my mamu ended up organising the khana. I'm not saying that all Pakistanis do this hence this thread because there must be many different rasms and it would be interesting to read about them.
Jee in some families this rasm can happen I have heard it for the first time ....
In our neighbor there resides a family ,they have this very weird sort of funeral rasm .. they serve every possible thing that you can find in a HI-fi/elite family wedding. and if by chance you are unable to reach on that particular day they'll send a package containing all the stuff.
That is weird indeed. Kum az kum funerals pe toh thori simplicity k sath kam kar lia karein log.
In Sindhis, it nanihaal of the deceased who arranges for the first day meal (right after the burial). Its called Kaandhpo (may be referring to the food served after they have carried dead one on shoulders - kandha to graveyard).
Afterwards, for three days, family of the deceased person doesn't cook and the neighbors and relatives bring food. This has been affected by inflation and general deterioration of social values and people normally tend to send to those, who sent food on such occasion in their own family.
In our childhood, we also saw ladies and gents coming to the family of deceased and staying for 3 days and nights with them.
I wonder if there is no basis at all in religion for the providing of food for three days. I know that there is a hadess that addresses mourning for 3 days but I'm not sure about the food. Perhaps someone can do some research....
I too have never heard of the bahu's family being responsible. In our family it is just whoever is able and offers.....there are no expectations.
my in-laws in Pak are quite traditional and have all these extremely strange customs, but even they don't have this one.
but my MIL was not allowed to shower or change her clothes when her MIL passed, the elders said she had to show people that she is mourning. but my MIL is a very neat and clean person, she would wake up in the middle of the night, change, shower, wash the same suit and put it on again in the morning to keep people quiet. She had to do it for 40 days. That was about 30 years ago, no one does it now
