Pre-face: How many of you had have abusive father figures? How did that affect you?
Pak Americans only
For me, I had a very supportive bunch of cousins, who once I met them, were awesome. I also had a great group of Muslim American guy friends, very real and down to earth at college, and after some difficulties realized that I was the exception, most Muslim Americans had a level of education, economic, and social cohesiveness well above the norm. We did not judge each other for race, or class, and many respected women immensely, only one of my friends in college dated, and even he did not drink and tried to better himself. I saw a lot of what my dad did as a youngster as wrong , and knew the signs of abuse were the exception, not the norm in this community. All of his mistakes are things I see as things to avoid with a future spouse (abuse of any kind, lack of outgoingness, lack of a relationship with kids past being a financial provider). If anything it has made me value my independence, and desire the same in a woman. It has also put the need for a good marriage, vs a divorcee with a kids, vs race being an issue. I would like a woman who has gone through some form of independence or struggle over one who has a skewed reality and expectations. These issues that people bring about are very small in the larger picture of a good relationship.
Anyone else care to share their experiences?