I have a cousin who has been my childhood buddy too. Our houses used to be close, so we often just walked to others house and played.
He is married now, but has some issues with his wife. Me and my wife have never involved ourselves with their issues. Once my parents were visitng them he just spoke to my mom, like, see auntie , she (his wife) is arguing with me on this issue. My mom gave her some advice. But she responded very rudely, and said somehting like, merey ghar meiN mujhey naseehatein na karein etc.
My parents left, later my cousin apologised and she also came and apologised. Now my parents have forgiven her and they are fine, but i just can’t stop disliking her. This has affected my relationship with my cousin too, whom i like, but i just don’t find myself be able to forgive her and move on.
Re: overcoming negative feelings
may be in yr hindsight u knew that this lady had issues with yr cousin ( to whom she's married) and yr sympathies were always with yr cousin hence u haven't liked / accepted her as a family member whole heartedly from the very begining , so after this recent episode ( where she got rude with yr mom) u started to dislike her more............ but whatsoever u have in yr mind or in yr heart for her, it shouldn't effect yr relationship with yr cousin esp if he's close n sincere with u.
..u really have no reason whatsoever to feel anything negtative towads her..she just told ur parents it snone of hteir busienss..and she right.
Re: overcoming negative feelings
^Its her husband who asked my mom's opinion, she did not go to her preaching. I don;t knwo why girls these days don't have manners.
may be in yr hindsight u knew that this lady had issues with yr cousin ( to whom she's married) and yr sympathies were always with yr cousin hence u haven't liked / accepted her as a family member whole heartedly from the very begining , so after this recent episode ( where she got rude with yr mom) u started to dislike her more............ but whatsoever u have in yr mind or in yr heart for her, it shouldn't effect yr relationship with yr cousin esp if he's close n sincere with u.
Frankly, i have never bothered about their relationship, there were times when my cousin came to me and said he wants to divorce her, coz she has such a rubbish tongue and he cannot take it any more, but i always advised him against it. I always told him to settle things between them coz he owes it to his children. But after this episode, i just can't stop disliking her.
And its the same with the whole family, she does not get along with anyone.
Re: overcoming negative feelings
icono............i got yr point which no doubt is valid ( i would have bad felings too if someone act foul mouthed to my parents or family) but i meant to say was this shouldn't effect yr relationship with yr cousin ( which u hinted in yr first post) , esp if he's all nice and sincere person and if he has a trouble maker wife than yr sympathies should be with him , to soothe him in times of need as u've done so far ...... don't distance yrself from him b/c of his wife
Re: overcoming negative feelings
its affecting our reltionship coz now i don't feel like going to his house or inviting him to mine.
well icono..thats life..deal with it..ur tkaing it too perosnally..what do u want ot do kille her?..
^Its her husband who asked my mom's opinion, she did not go to her preaching. I don;t knwo why girls these days don't have manners.
One thing is withoout knowing her side of the story your mother should not have advised her since she herself did not ask for advice.(your mother could have just said ke yah app dunno ka mamalaa hai).Her husband did a very wrong thing by criticising her in public and what did he expect...she got defensive.
Imagine if your wife coming to some of "her side keh relatives" and asking them to make you listen.Would you not get defensive?
Re: overcoming negative feelings
^ I will sort it out with my wife. I have never disrespected my wife's relatives, especially those that have helped me a lot. My mother helped them so much when she had her kids and she never had any sharam whenever she is in need to ask us for something but she can't listen to an sincere advice.
well icono..thats life..deal with it..ur tkaing it too perosnally..what do u want ot do kille her?..
Well actually i have given her some taste of her own medicine and she hasn't messed up with me ever. Problem is that Mom is too soft.
u seem like u some sort of vendetta against her?..how strange..he s ur cousin not ur bro..stay out of his marriage..its relatives like u that corrupt the mind of the guy and ruin the marraige..
Re: overcoming negative feelings
^LOL, you shud read the thread well before making statements.
[QUOTE]
there were times when my cousin came to me and said he wants to divorce her, coz she has such a rubbish tongue and he cannot take it any more, but i always advised him against it. I always told him to settle things between them coz he owes it to his children
[/QUOTE]
Re: overcoming negative feelings
soni even if its his brother, he has no right to give them 'advice' or to correct unless he/she is doing something terribly wrong...also....
whats with men and telling off their wives in public or in front of their families...its got such a bad vibe to it....an uneducated...primitive sort....very sad!!!
^ ur quote there is in the past tense..but now its seems from ur posts..that ur intentions have changed buddy or u wouldnt be making sucha big deal of it..
One thing is withoout knowing her side of the story your mother should not have advised her since she herself did not ask for advice.(your mother could have just said ke yah app dunno ka mamalaa hai).Her husband did a very wrong thing by criticising her in public and what did he expect...she got defensive. Imagine if your wife coming to some of "her side keh relatives" and asking them to make you listen.Would you not get defensive?
I agree!
Re: overcoming negative feelings
Personally, I would be a bit offended too if someone adviced me on issues with my husband.. not that I disrespect them or anything but I am a private person and would not want anyone to interfere. I won't voice it though telling them off and I agree it was rude of her to talk to your mom like that. Sometimes when my mom and I would disagree on some things, she would get her friends (other aunties) to come and talk to me which pissed me off SO bad. I felt like I was being ridiculed in front of other people. But you also have to understand that maybe she was going through tough times and in her anger, said it out loud to your mom. Is she normally disrespectful? If not then everyone makes mistakes you know. And if she has apologized then that means she feels bad about what happened.. discard it as a bad moment, you shouldn't dwell on it.
Re: overcoming negative feelings
Welcome to the generation of internet and cable network (not to mention *+ dramas). Long ago were the times when there was a BIG difference between "Aap" and "tum". IT is only "YOU" no matter if you are an elder person or younger. Unfortunately elders of present time need to be more sensitive towards younger people, as the privilege of giving sincere free advices on the basis of past experiences are not accepted anymore if done with a "mistake" such as:
Advising in front of anyone
Giving the younger person only 1% doubt that you mean to correct the person's mistakes. He should be convinced that you are talking in general and he is the best person you have ever known in life.
If you are not the person's parents than your advise would be considered as a selfish act to gain "some benefit" out of the younger person, which he is apparently unable to find out.
Aahh...gone are the days when elders were respected "only" for being elders.Even in extreme cases people used to remain quiet instead of responding to elders (not to mention HARSHLY).
@topic. Think that nature selected her to TEST your anger and to see if you would forgive them for the love of Allah. It can't be a coincidence that out of billions of people since the world came into being you and such people are living in the same time, same continent and the same country. There is always some test for us in each and every person whom we face in life. All such people were planned by nature to encounter us to test our patience and humanity.
^ I will sort it out with my wife. I have never disrespected my wife's relatives, especially those that have helped me a lot. My mother helped them so much when she had her kids and she never had any sharam whenever she is in need to ask us for something but she can't listen to an sincere advice.
You know from your earlier posts I couldnt tell this. You kow better about the situation.It sounds like she doesnt want to try to make the situation better.
I would suggest that you work on your relationship seperately with your cousin if that is what you decide. Hopefully they resolve the situation. One thing is make sure you dont say a lot when he is venting because of the fact that "if: they workout their problems, they sure are going to remember what you said. and act accordingly..weird but a truth abt relationships
I have a cousin who has been my childhood buddy too. Our houses used to be close, so we often just walked to others house and played. He is married now, but has some issues with his wife. Me and my wife have never involved ourselves with their issues. Once my parents were visitng them he just spoke to my mom, like, see auntie , she (his wife) is arguing with me on this issue. My mom gave her some advice. But she responded very rudely, and said somehting like, merey ghar meiN mujhey naseehatein na karein etc. My parents left, later my cousin apologised and she also came and apologised. Now my parents have forgiven her and they are fine, but i just can't stop disliking her. This has affected my relationship with my cousin too, whom i like, but i just don't find myself be able to forgive her and move on.
well ur ryt v all r vry protective with r parents specially moms.... but if ur moms ok with her u shud try to atleast move on... if not then atleast saty as u were with ur cousin cuz hes ur friend from wway bck....