Hi I am new here …just facing this dilemma in my susral, my husband is very close to his parents which is so amazing. He shares every single detail about our lives with them. Last month we had our 1st anniversary, he is an amazing husband Alhamdulillah! I am very happy with him. I like to do creative things and make stuff so I made him a romantic love box with “things I love about you” it was cute and simple he loved it. Then without asking he showed his dad! (They live with us) i got very upset at him for him it was no big deal but it meant a lot to me and I expected him to keep it a secret between us. Again he is really really close to his parents and my reaction made him think like I don’t want his parents in our lives. I am a private person and some things I prefer remain between us two. Is it wrong for me think this way? Am I over reacting? Those were my emotions he showed to everyone I feel violated and am insecure talking about my inner feelings to him because whatever I share with him he tells his parents. It is uncomfortable living with them though they are amazing individuals very helpful and caring. I respect them a lot but because of my personality I find their behavior very intrusive. I am a quiet person and husband wants me to remain that way. It’s hard not being able to talk to your husband openly as I don’t want to be disrespectful in any way. Someone please tell me what I am feeling is normal and what I should do about this? There is no point talking to my husband about them I feel…
Re: Over-reacting?
You confronted him when you were upset, so it's not surprising for him to jump to a defensive conclusion. Next time discuss the matter with him when you're relaxed and start it by reassuring him that you have nothing against his parents, avoid using words like "violate" cuz that will backfire, and just explain that you believe intimate gestures should remain between the couple. The only thing you can do is talk it out with him.
It will take time for him to make this adjustment. However, try to relax. If his parents themselves have never been nosy and rarely ask you or your husband about your gifts and activities, then they're not being intrusive. Also, if your in-laws have never brought up your gifts and other romantic gestures or made you feel guilty for them, then you're very fortunate compared to other women whose in-laws can't stand the idea of any intimacy or privacy between the couple.
I'm not justifying your husband's actions, but if you only dwell on the bad you'll stress yourself out. Thinking about the good can keep you calmer. One good consequence from this is that his parents know that you love their son and in a way this reinforces their positive feelings about you. Talk to your husband.
Re: Over-reacting?
As a man who is close with his parents I also realized early into my marriage and relationship that some things should not be shared. I would personally think this is not one of them. Something sentimental and private should be protected. You have every right to get angry and he needs to understand now he has two families to take care off and sometimes not all the information needs to be shared.
My sisters don't tell me about their personal lives, and I don't tell the about mine. We share good news and happy moments but details are limited to a need to know basis and I will never ever share something so private. Now i suggest you talk to him again and point out privacy is important.
Re: Over-reacting?
Please tell me I wasn't the only one to cringe after reading that.
Seriously...he needs to stop this. I'm sure his parents don't want to know what is happening in his intimate life. As someone else mentioned, you need to calmly tell him this is wrong.
Goes to find a puke bucket
Re: Over-reacting?
Oh I don't blame you for being a bit upset about it. I don't think he realizes how private these feelings are. Instead of making it seem like you're attacking his parents over this...try to present your case in a different light. Don't bring up or even mention his parents and keep the conversation focused solely on your privacy as a couple.
Re: Over-reacting?
You have all the right to be angry, However how you communicate to him this matter is really important.
Did you have a love marriage or an engagement in which you guys you communicated and developed understanding?
I feel you did not have much past contact with him before marriage otherwise he would have told the premarital details to his parents too and you would be aware of his nature.
he has been in your life for over a year however hes been with his parents for a very long time and has developed a close bond with them In which he shared all things (mostly) and he doesn't realize how he is making you feel by telling. For him what he Is doing is totally normal and has been happening for a long time..
Regardless of your nature, quite or not I think whats between a couple like the intimate details should stay between them.. so very calmly tell him how it is not to be shared as its something special that shes doing for him.. he wouldn't want to know details of what his bro in law does for his sister im sure :)
Re: Over-reacting?
You are right to be reacting this way. I went through a lot of this myself. My husband is very very very close to his mom speically. Sometimes I feel that she is living with us (she doesn't live with us). When we got married, he used to share every single detail of our life with her. Everything from what I cooked, to when I sleep, to how many namaz I read etc. I am also a private person and I would always get into a fight with him about this. His mom would ask me beta why did you do this.. and I would be like how did you know I did this. This was the cause of most of our fights early when we got married. Even if we had little disagreement about something, he would run to tell his parents. He is an amazing husband otherwise.
Well after I couldn't tolerate it anymore, I started confronting him about it. It did get better now. He still tells a lot of things I don't want him to share with his parents, but 4 years of marrige and a lot of confrontations, he is a bit better. I only share what I think is important to share with him, rest I keep it to myself. I know someone will know about it, why take the risk. I used to get in trouble with my in laws becasue they knew so much about me. Next thing I know, my saas would be asking me all sorts of stuff.
You need to talk to him. Ask him why he thinks its important to share your private life with his parents? Why does his parents need to know how you feel about him? Shouldn't some things be between you both as a husband and wife?? Ask him, confront him everytime he does this until he realizes.
Re: Over-reacting?
I think alot of women or men for that matter would be upset if their partner was sharing personal moments with their parents/family. It's a case of finding a balance between what you both feel is suitable for sharing and what is not.
I wouldn't get angry or further upset yourself about the situation; however I do think you need to have an in-depth conversation with your husband as you are beginning to feel uncomfortable and well let's face it if he shares everything with his parents you don't know what they know and what they don't know and yet it can cause red faces all around.
Personally I think you need to go through what you are happy to share with your families and what you are not. E.g:
Happy to share:
"we're going on a break away Mama for our anniversary"
"My partner bought me an awesome present dad; it fricking rocks"
"we've booked a meal"
-you get the idea; no harm in sharing info as long as it's info that isn't intrusive. Does that make sense? This is the type of info you would put on your social network page.
NOT happy to share:
personal things that happen behind closed doors; e.g. personal gift exchanges, what you get up behind those doors-in other words stuff that should remain between husband and wife and you WOULDN'T put up on your social network status.
Plenty of people start out in your position and find a way to balance things; so it's possible to change things. It may take a while and a lot of explaining to your husband that it's fine to share things but somethings need to remain personal to be special and precious between a couple.
Re: Over-reacting?
Thank you everyone for the replies :) yes I will have a calm talk with him sooner or later. I am acting normal right now. A year of marriage has taught me that no matter how good your in laws are living together will always cause some tension within the household. May Allah give us patience to be respectful towards our elders. And yes my inlaws do want to know every detail of our lives as my husband is the youngest. They have to have a say in whatever we purchase, where we go, what are long term plans are, how many times we eat out etc. I don't know if it is just me who wants a little space and family dynamic of my own. It is hindering our growth as a couple, our routine etc. for example I have to get up at a certain time everyday, sit with them, talk with them when my husband is at work and make fresh food everyday even when I am not well or don't feel like cooking. It's like I came out of my parents house into another parents house. I think if we were old enough to get married, have kids etc then we should be old enough to make decisions without consulting everyone on every aspect of our life. It does get stressful for me as I cannot say anything to anyone, not even my husband. My in laws plan to live with us long term as they say I am their only daughter in law who doesn't say anything to them etc i am always nice to them. Wen frustrations get high i Just break down and cry :( I really really love my husband and we rarely ever argue but I am dreading if this continues it might effect our relationship. Other than that I am expecting as well next month, maybe it's all the hormones meddling with my thoughts.
Thank you again guys for all the supportive advice:)
Next anniversary give him a box of naughty treats like g strings, lotions and stuff, glow in the dark condoms etc. I doubt he will share that with his parents.
Re: Over-reacting?
but i want to know how come your husband didn't feel awkward showing a love box made of things you love about him?
isn't it a bit uncomfy like showing such intimate gifts given to you by your spouse to your parents let alone a son showing this to his Dad?
Re: Over-reacting?
but i want to know how come your husband didn't feel awkward showing a love box made of things you love about him? isn't it a bit uncomfy like showing such intimate gifts given to you by your spouse to your parents let alone a son showing this to his Dad?
So true.. I would feel really awkward to show these kind of gifts to my parents and I don't think they would be interested in knowing what gifts I got from my SO.
It is not as if it was a shirt or a tie or something. It was much more personal than that.
**Imaginary Situation **
Re: Over-reacting?
Not cool to share intimacy related stuff with anyone, yet alone parents. Simple rule of Islam, what is between husband and wife stays between them.
Re: Over-reacting?
I second that; but please come back and tell us if he did! 
Notthatguy is right though; it’s kinda basic Islamic education that you don’t share intimate moments etc with anyone-parents, friends, family blah blah blah.