I know I am…And I want to loosen that up a bit.
I think the way I get over protective with my kids trying to protect them with any little thing. I know with that comes the effect of as soon as they get a little levy…they would or could run wild…and that is the effect I dont want them to have. I want to let go of the excessive over protectiveness but I dont know how:(.
Personally I was one of those children who always had a new broken bone/sprain/concussions/wounds like every week. Now with my kids I m always like “Oh dont do that you will end up with a broken tooth/bone…etc etc etc..”…I know its doesnt go well with the “Practice what you preach” philosophy…but really I dont want them to get hurt the way I used to but at the same time I know I was the one who couldnt let it be before I tried it for myself:(…so How can I let go a bit and quit being over controlling and over protective…(my mind keeps on saying, I dont want them to get hurt from this world:bummer:).
Any suggestions???
u really need to trust your kids' judgment in what's good or bad for them. my dad has always been over protective. i am 21 now, and he still doesn't let me leave the house without a jacket on, even in spring! i know he cares about me and doesn't want me to catch the cold, but he needs to realize that i know better than anyone else how i feel and what i can or cannot do!
u really need to trust your kids' judgment in what's good or bad for them. my dad has always been over protective. i am 21 now, and he still doesn't let me leave the house without a jacket on, even in spring! i know he cares about me and doesn't want me to catch the cold, but he needs to realize that i know better than anyone else how i feel and what i can or cannot do!
I understand.My mother is still like that.She will call me so many times to see if I have taken care of myself even if I have just mild sniffles. I know how it is with overprotective parents too.
I hope I ease down wayy before my kids are in their teens.:(....but I jut dont know how to:(
aw, Ask99 make sure you are not TOO hard on them. I can't really say much cause I am not in your shoes..but I guess as I think back about how my parents were. The key is for your kids to know that you trust them....when they know that their parents trust them so much..they think twice before anything they do..not wanting to break that trust. It also depends on the prespective of your kids...how they view your "over-protectivness"..negatively or positively. I know when my parents constantly nag me to wear a jacket when I dont think that I need one..they are doing it because they care . (eventho, it can be annoying)
You have to balance between being over-protective and not being enough...which sometimes means not being protective about things such as them getting hurt ( small injuries) cause kids will be kids, afterall.
I always remind myself to let my son learn from his own mistakes. after all life is the best teacher right?
I normally talk to him abt the consequences of what will happen if u do this bla bla bla.
we cant be around for our kids 24 hrs in a day, its best to give them some independence so that they wont feel so lost when they are on their own.
The way i see it, i'd rather he wakes up on his own after a fall than sit down and wail and wait for someone to pick him up.
its not easy, i know, u need to really like hardened up all the soft spots in ur heart to see them grow and learn from mistakes. :D
no one gets hurt, we are just learning from this world. Look from a different angle! I'm sure u can change ur angle gradually before ur kids turn into teens!
All da best!!
This is very hard for me also....mine are still very young (7, 6 and 4) and the eldest does not have good judgement. Middle follows his big brother. So the freedoms that I'm talking about are small ones - ie., meeting me in front of the school when school lets out - I am slower than other parents to allow. In time, I hope to be able to let go a bit but I think every freedom has to be appropriately given, yeah? I just hope I can be objective enough to figger out when I'm appropriate and when I'm overdoing....sigh. A parents worries never end!
I'm cool mostly, allow them to play on rocks and climb walls and all...even let them fight their own battles with other kids, but I'm more protective about negative verbeage that they could be exposed to. I feel words get engraved in innocent kids' minds and over the perioid of time, could hurt their self-esteem and confidence.
For example, my older daughter is of very petite frame, slender and smaller than kids her age. I know she is healthy, she's sort of like me, but when people see her, especially aunties, they always comment about her being "small" or "weak" in front of her. Earlier, I used to let it go, but one day, my daughter came up to me asking why Allah had made her so small? So I explained to her that everyone is different and that everyone is made by Allah so we are all "the Best" we could be. But now, if someone makes a comment, I always respond back by saying, "no, she's very healthy and active, definitely not weak." I have seen her self image get better since then.
I am curretly reading this book by Dr Phil Mcgraw called Family First.Im still in the beginning even though I have had ths book for a while. This time Im taking it in like a text book ..Im going all the nine yard with making notes too:cb:
I hope it helps me let go and work more on more important.I have heard that a few good conststant rules are better then a lot of inconsistent ones. Im learning:)
Sometimes some people can be so insensitive..it is bettr to cut them while they are syaing it quoting that your r said she is on you and is Mashallah healthy:)
:) my hub is grreat with the boyz! (when he's not working that is!!) anyway...
Niksik, hugs to your little gal! HOW I wished and wished when I was younger to be a petite little thing - I was SO into ballet and once I passed the 5-foot-5 mark, I was history. Theres nothing prettier than a delicate little beauty - what kind of man seeks out an amazon, yeah? And those "little" gals - Ive seen some in the business world who could make a linebacker-sized manager shrivel. Give her confidence in herself and keep her healthy just as you're doing, thats all she needs!
Just think to yourself that all parents have the same emotions as you. Hurt is part of life and kids need to make their own mistakes and learn things for themselves. They need to be independent as much as possible. You will not be with them all the time and need to prepare them for the future rather than protecting them.