So, this idea is basically taken from two threads.
The debate going on in ‘Living with in laws’ and Old homes and our Elders.’ An individual can take up any position, we are no one to judge anyone. Living with in-laws and sending one’s elders to old homes have been discussed in the respective threads, however, the issue that came up is that of ‘privacy.’
How much emphasis is given to the very concept of privacy in our culture?
Is there any such thing as privacy if one is living with one’s in-laws or parents?
I mean the merits and demerits of either of the above mentioned situations are there… I still feel that we would not like to or atleast we are willing to giveup much of our privacy when it comes to the question of our elders…
For example, if one is livng with her in-laws or his parents then certainly one has to giveup certain freedoms and the frank, carefree attitude that one would otherwise value while being around one’s spouse.
In much the same way, while you are living with your parents then there is bound to be some breach of privacy…I know some parents do not bother about what their kids are upto while some are over- protected.
How private are you? How much do you value your privacy?
I am a very private person and really value it, but there is a circle of family and freinds who I am baytakkaluff enough with.
My parents have stayed with us for a few months at a time, and we respect each other's privacy and time. my approach and attitude etc is the same in front of my parents with the exception of a few things.
the private stuff i have to watch out for around my folks is a bargain in terms of having them be with me. I would never hesitate to sacrifice that to have my parents be with me.
Privacy is vanishing generally, what with cctv, and papparazzi. My friend used to joke "everyone elses story is a pakistanis business except their own :) "
while i'm all for sharing everything with your parents and hiding nothing.. i don't subscribe to the 'if you've got nothing to hide why worry about your privacy'.
there are certain things better left to you.. they could be minute details of your life experiences growing up which you'd want to keep to yourself.. even ones your parents should know.. cuz at times you need that certain 'room' around you to feel comfortable and not as if your whole life is under a microscope..
I would definitely live independent of my in-laws or parents if I could help it provided that they could do fine on their own. I like my freedom and would love my one-on-one privacy with my husband. However, if circumstances required the in-laws or my parents to move in with my hubby and me, then I would naturally facilitate that end although I would ensure our privacy. It would totally depend on the depth of my relationship and love for my husband and how much I want to live communally or privately, depending on the situation.
hmm, so two concepts basically; sharing your space with your parents is one thing as Fraudz talked about and sharing things which are more personal and abstract as BabG mentioned.
Fraudz, I think its all about keeping a balance. But I see that we are still willing to sacrifice our privacy for the sake of our parents. I found out that once my Columbian friend Catalina was feeling pretty down.. on inquiry she told me taht she'll have to go back to BAgota, look for an apartment and find a job. 'Why can't you stay with your mom, when she 's all alone,' I inquired. She said that her boy friend would be visiting her and so she wouldnt appreciate that in the presence of her mom. Got me thinking then, but I was pretty young at that time...Now that I look back, I see that its all about the difference in the respective cultures.
Sweets, I was talking more with regard to sharing stuff with one's parents and having one's parents around. But well, in Islam as well there is no hard and fast rule that one should live with his/her in-laws. I would not really mind that provided nobody interferes in my affairs.
I believe in not hiding any thing from parents, however, there comes a time or there are moments(good as well as bad) as well as stuff that one does not even want to share with his/her parents, very much like what BabG contended. Sometimes, I feel as if us desis are very inquisitive about as to what goes on around us,particulrly one's aunts. And then you hear , aww you hide things from us :)... Its like you have kept something in your shelf and the next moment you see that your diary, the contents,the papers are being scrutinised ... happened with me some years back... there wasn't anything to hide but now with growing age I have become more cautious.. dunno why :-)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Zakk: *
Privacy is vanishing generally, what with cctv, and papparazzi. My friend used to joke "everyone elses story is a pakistanis business except their own :) "
[/QUOTE]
Zakk, we are talking about us ordinary folks here... maybe someone here is all that and some but I am not that famous :-(
Losty, in terms of parents and in-laws, after marriage I would keep them out of my business unless I really felt the need to get them involved in a matter. Note that after marriage, parents don't become strangers; if anything, you become even closer to them and if ever a point comes in life when you want to discuss something with them, you should do so freely without a spouse or anyone else telling you not to. There are controlling, dominating spouses who don't want their wifes/husbands discussing anything with their parents or in-laws even though this may sometimes be the only solution for conflict resolution. Therefore, having a strong, healthy relationship with one's parents and in-laws is very important in my view regardless of whether they're living with you or not in the same household.
