My dewrani has not been to my house in months, my in laws barely come by. BUT we visit them every two weeks, my husband visits his parents every few days, and listen to all the usual crap.
My husband went to visit his family this evening. i am leaving to visit my family overseas. My SIL has the nerve to tell my husband that she will swing by tomorrow to drop gifts for my mother and bhabhi.
I am seeing red at the moment. My devrani and i have a long standing love/hate relationship, soured by my in laws frequent interference. We seldom talk to one another, but are civil around one another. Our children do not get along
i really do not want to accept a gift from her, from a person who does not respond to my texts and msgs (when the need has arisen).
Why send gifts to my family members who are not even related to you, but you do not talk to me. She does not have any interaction with my family..
So she came by today with the gifts , and i returned the gifts to her. Very politely told her, when my family visits you may gift them if you wish then, at the moment i will not be able to take anything. She again handed the gifts and I very firmly refused. Offered her a drink, she said "No" and left.
BTW, she came to my house today after 6 months. She last came in February. She lives a few miles miles away from me, her BFF lives in the same subdivision as me, she is always there. Her child's school is down the road from where I live, and I pass her at least 3-4 times in a week, she always steadfastly looking ahead. Her children have been told they are not allowed to come to my house, but we visit them , as my in laws are there.
^ You've been married for more than 20 years so I don't think you need anyone here on GS to tell you how to deal with in-laws. By now you should be an expert. If you don't care what your husband or anyone in his family thinks....then do whatever you want. I imagine you're at least 40 by now so it's not like anyone from your in-laws (or even your own family) can bully you into anything.
^ You've been married for more than 20 years so I don't think you need anyone here on GS to tell you how to deal with in-laws. By now you should be an expert. If you don't care what your husband or anyone in his family thinks....then do whatever you want. I imagine you're at least 40 by now so it's not like anyone from your in-laws (or even your own family) can bully you into anything.
Yes, I am mid 40's lol
No one can be an expert in these things. Not when it comes to in laws. i always envisioned a happy life with extended family, with in laws. I am the only non family bahu/damaad. The other damaads/bahus all get away with their shenanigans because they are family.
My husband is fine with this present thing, and i told him this is what i was going to do.
I meet my inlaws, whether I am too faced or a hypocrite, i go to meet them. The past few months have been quite stressful. After speaking with an Imam, who told me to get my act together, i have adopted a "no care' attitude. i don't argue with them, they taunt me continuously, if it makes them feel better so be it.
You shouldn't return gifts. Its against sunnah. I'm sorry but you did the wrong thing. You say she never talks to you but when she came to your place to give gifts you turned her away. :/
You shouldn't return gifts. Its against sunnah. I'm sorry but you did the wrong thing. You say she never talks to you but when she came to your place to give gifts you turned her away. :/
There are many things one does which go against sunnah, Fard and basic Deen.
What about not smiling at your relatives?
Not picking up the phone or responding to text messages for over 7 months?
Telling your children that your mother is a blah blah blah?
Telling your children your father is a pedophile (my FIL is a big wig medical doctor)?
As i mentioned way up ahead, what i did is PROBABLY not A okay, I have had enough.
There are many things one does which go against sunnah, Fard and basic Deen.
What about not smiling at your relatives?
Not picking up the phone or responding to text messages for over 7 months?
Telling your children that your mother is a blah blah blah?
Telling your children your father is a pedophile (my FIL is a big wig medical doctor)?
As i mentioned way up ahead, what i did is PROBABLY not A okay, I have had enough.
Allah won't ask you about what others did. He will ask you about what you did to others. Just because people act in a bad way is no excuse for you to act in a similar manner to them. And Allah knows best.
No one can be an expert in these things. Not when it comes to in laws. i always envisioned a happy life with extended family, with in laws. I am the only non family bahu/damaad. The other damaads/bahus all get away with their shenanigans because they are family.
My husband is fine with this present thing, and i told him this is what i was going to do.
I meet my inlaws, whether I am too faced or a hypocrite, i go to meet them. The past few months have been quite stressful. After speaking with an Imam, who told me to get my act together, i have adopted a "no care' attitude. i don't argue with them, they taunt me continuously, if it makes them feel better so be it.
Probably but 20 years is a very long time - you should know everything about your inlaws by now. You may believe you have adopted a "no care" attitude but right now you are coming across really bitter tbh.
