so, i want everyones opinions on how long a couple should wait after marriage to have children. How long is too long…and how soon is too soon? Do you take into consideration things like living accomodations, budget, job scenario, the couples understanding with eachother, etc etc? Or should you just have kids when the burden ‘‘bojh’’ from both your inlaws and your parents get too much and they pressure you non stop to have kids…? when they are literally breathing down your necks!!!
Just wondering bout your thoughts, as this is a major issue with desi families…and doesnt seem to be discussed here on GS? (or maybe i missed the thread)
Obviously there are many factors that play into whether a couple is ready or not to have a child. However, assuming that the all the basic conditions are adequate (financial, housing, etc.), my suggestion would be that a couple have about 2 years to really get to know one another. The process of moving in together, learning each other's little habits, etc., takes a little while, and I think 2 years is a really nice time frame for really getting to feel secure in the relationship. It also allows you to have some leisure time together, travel, etc., if you have the resources.
And I personally would count 2 years before getting pregnant, not before having a baby. The first three months and last three months of a pregnancy can be extremely taxing on a woman so it's not necessarily the most convenient time to be trying to spend quality time with your spouse, and not easy to deal with when you're still going through so much relationship adjustment, getting used to a new household, forging your relationship with the in-laws, etc., etc.
Re: Optimum time span for having children??
for me i think two yrs after marriage is a good time to make that bond with ur partner and get settled. after two yrs u should start trying to concieve. every chid brings his/her own rizq so shouldn't worry abt money thing too much. sum couples giv a gap of upto fiv yrs which i think is way too much unless both r in College.
Re: Optimum time span for having children??
thanks for your thoughts ladies. yea, personally i feel that anywhere from 2-4 years is an ok time..but that is a very shady range..it depends heavily on all of the issues that a couple deals with (money, accomodations, understanding with eachother, traveling,etc).....
any one else have thoughts??
Re: Optimum time span for having children??
Who is to decide what is a "proper" time? There's no set rule. The idea of having a "proper" time becomes troublesome for couples who have fertility issues or other problems that are getting in the way of having children.
Ultimately, you will have children......when Allah wills you to have children. In-laws' nagging is not going to make anyone have a baby any quicker. Having a baby....and raising one is a huge responsibility and the in-laws are **not **the ones who are going to have to deal with it. That responsibility will be the couple's. Get to know yourself.....get to know your spouse.....develop a good relationship with your spouse. You'll have a child when you're meant to.
Who is to decide what is a "proper" time? There's no set rule. The idea of having a "proper" time becomes troublesome for couples who have fertility issues or other problems that are getting in the way of having children.
Ultimately, you will have children......when Allah wills you to have children. In-laws' nagging is not going to make anyone have a baby any quicker. Having a baby....and raising one is a huge responsibility and the in-laws are **not **the ones who are going to have to deal with it. That responsibility will be the couple's. Get to know yourself.....get to know your spouse.....develop a good relationship with your spouse. You'll have a child when you're meant to.
RV, if i give u my inlaws number AND my parents number, will u plz call them and tell them this for me????? :AID: my thoughts exactly...
i feel that no one can ever know what goes on between a couple and where they truly stand....so they cant make judgements like, ''ok, its been this long so its time for u to settle down'' or etc etc
Re: Optimum time span for having children??
its not just ur family/in laws Anjana its mostly in every other house.the day u get wed parents esp mils start dreaming of kids. mayb its a trick of in-laws to burden u with responsibilities so the couple don't get too comfy n cozy ;) but if u both r on same page keep ignoring their comments
Re: Optimum time span for having children??
Ive been married for 5 years now, and i still havent had kids, i dont really want them! my in laws dont really care, bt my mother bugs me constantly im 23! she keeps sayin im gettin too old and i wont be able to have them soon, and people are talkin!
Ive been married for 5 years now, and i still havent had kids, i dont really want them! my in laws dont really care, bt my mother bugs me constantly im 23! she keeps sayin im gettin too old and i wont be able to have them soon, and people are talkin!
Honey, people will be "talkin" till the CRACK OF DOOM. They'll wag their tongues if you do have kids. They'll wag their tongues if you don't have kids according to THEIR time schedule. They'll yap their mouths regarding the number of kids you have, the gender of kids you have, the physical appearance of your kids, the abilities of your kids, the personalities of your kids, bla bla bla. People will always be "talkin" about the affairs of others because this is a lot easier for them to do than to actually FACE/ACCEPT the problems in their own life.
^ Well said RV 
Consider another factor. Women older than 35 are at a higher risk for birth defects, miscarriages etc. If you dont eat healthy or exercise, smoke or consume alcohol regularly, then make it 30. So plan accordingly.