At the risk of sounding selfish I am going to get this off my chest anyway.
I have a friend who suffers from a hormonal imbalance and depression. I understand that people in this situation need allot of special attention. Grant it we have been buds for over 18 yrs… 90% of our lives. Here comes the problem, this friend was having a very good summer, (bz with projects for school, nikkah and making tons of new friends) all of a sudden I was out of the pic. Well everything settled and things got back into routine…school started we were in a class together.
I end up doing all our homework because she is taking 5 classes and finishing her senior project. I even log into her email and send to the prof. for her.
Yesterday both my hubby and I played took the day off to spend some time with each other. during the day he had to run some errands. When he got home I was getting dressed to go to dinner and guess who shows up unannounced… my friend ofcourse. So she is like in a time of need, crying because of whatever reason.. Actually the reason was pretty normal .. insecurity about not making friends.. almost everyone goes through that at one time or the other.. I try to tell her this but she is sooooo negative. There are a set of rules that are engraved in her mind and those are the critical narrow minded rules that she views herself and the world by. This is not just my analysis but also her therapist.
I try to mention that I was dressed up because we were going out… she starts sobbing even louder and informs me that her mom thinks she is in school and has to stay at my place until 9 pm. and how sorry she is for messing up my plans. Uff!! now I feel so bad…meanwhile my hubby is very upset because I made him take off.
During my conversation this friend belittles me for getting married and working and schooling… and to top it off I’m expecting.. and that is just like the most stressful thing to her… How we started criticizing my lifestyle while trying to figure her problem out I dont know…
She doesnt seem to understand " to each his own." What she thinks/says is right and thats it!
The make a longggggggg story short.. by the time she left… I felt depressed about her, about me and my husband was totally angry at me. This trend of her running to me when she needs me and ignoring me al other times has been repeating for the entire life of our friendship. I let it.. because I know she trusts me with her problems. But I dont think she has the right to judge my decisions… or to make me feel bad. I feel like she takes advantage of me and I hate myself for letting her.. but I dont want to be responsible for her condition worsening.. the situation is getting bad..to the extent that its effected my family life.
u can’t let someone do this to u, granted she is an old friend, but what kinda friend is she if she doesnt understand ur needs n only thinks about her own…making allowances for ppl based on their condition will only push them to become more dependant on u, next time give her time only when u have time for her n not when she has time for u…
It may seem harsh ~MuNiYa~ but your friend needs space so she can learn to be independent. She's so keen on making life perfect for herself that its requireing her to be plane selfish. Let her make mistakes how else is she going to learn. Your just falling for the crying trap. If she is a "good friend" she would realize the constant worry she is causing you. I would just distance myself from her, be supportive but don't pick up her slack. I don’t know if you meant you are expecting a baby, but if you are than this added stress (and whole lot of drama) is the last thing you need, she should know that.
awwwwwwwwwww man to be honest thats a hard one i have no answer but keep ur chin up khala je :p and say cheeeeeeeeeseeeeeeeeee. one thing i will say is that when she criticised ur life she didnt mean it because she wants to feel gd about her life and it just came out of her so dont u worry :) . as for her wow she needs some serious help...... have u thoguht about changing ur address and fone number :D :p
awww Muniya
thats a really tough situation to be in…
that’s not nice of her to say all those things to you n make u feel bad…i mean, being depressed and pessimistic is one thing, but saying mean stuff to others is not good…she must have said it to make herself feel better… you are too nice yaar…i’ll agree with what others have said…remember to take care of urself
Something similar happened with me and a friend I have known for several years. Actually, I felt that she is around me only when she needs advice or to go out somewhere. Its true I am more secretive but I feel like a psychiatrist everytime I am out with her. She herself realized this at some point, but has not changed really. I decided to let her spend more time with herself or her other friends, and it has worked out great. Now she keeps herself busy most of the time with other things and I see her once in awhile, and alls well. She did feel at first that I was ignoring her, but I just told her that I need breaks too, and need to deal with personal matters and spend more time with my family when free. Sometimes you gotta distance yourself no matter how bad it makes you feel that you arent being "nice". You are, because youre doin it for the sake of your and her sanity. To make you feel bad about your own life...simply isnt a friendly thing to do, though people do make mistakes.
If I were you, I'd drop this person from my list of friends.. in other words, lose her quick. She spells nothing but trouble. If you do one selfish thing for yourself, do this: dump her.
hi hun watsupp...
not to be rude but i think u have become a victim of an emotonal leech..
an plz dont let her get u down because she feels insecure about herself...
u should b happy that ALLAH for what ALLAH has blessed u with.. plz dont let her do this to u by actually believin what she has to say
thanks for the comments guys. I cant say that they've made things easier for her but definately for me.
The day after this entire ordeal, I called to see how she was doing. She asked if Salman (my hubby) was mad... I told her the truth that he was upset... she says "I know I should be apologetic but sometimes things come up and things that we plan dont fall through. Maria just do something nice for him later."
Later that night one of our mutual friends called to invite us to dinner she also said that she was going to invite queen depression here... so when I talked to my friend and told her that we were invited to dinner this friday she accused me of forcing the other girl to invite her..
baassss that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I totally see what you guys are talking about.. and Im sorry that she has problems but this isnt healthy for me or my unborn.
Dump her fast. No one should be subjected to such negativity in their lives. Surround yourself with lively, upbeat people that will respect you and add value to your life. The girl seems to have issues, so please recommend a good phychiatrist and leave her to his/her faculties.
