One of my friend caught cheating too

[Southie]

Re: One of my friend caught cheating too

^ Coming from a religious family may have little bearing on a person's conduct.

[Muzna]

Re: One of my friend caught cheating too

@geminifromkhi

Do you think his friend did not already know that what he was doing was wrong? Do you really think you can talk an adult out of something?

He was a flirt back in the day, of course his wife should have seen it coming. And I think we all owe some kind of loyalty to our friends, its not our job to tell on them. Sure you can try asking them to mend their ways, but thats that.

I'm sure that he knew what he was doing was wrong. I'm not suggesting that he didn't.
And yes, I think that you can talk an adult out of something if they are open to suggestion.

Many people (both men and women) are flirts in their earlier adulthood. This doesn't mean that they continue in this vein once they have settled down. Some may but the vast majority do calm down and commit themselves to their wife/family as they mature and their goals change. I think it's highly unfair to suggest that a flirt is incapable of changing or controlling his instincts once he/she is committed.

As for owing loyalty to our friends, protecting them from harming themselves and innocent others through immoral actions is what I classify as "loyalty".....not turning a blind eye to their indiscretions and becoming party to their sin.

I never suggested being a "tattletale". I suggested having a conversation with said friend to enlighten him. It may not have served the full purpose but I would consider it an obligation to have the talk.

[Muzna]

Re: One of my friend caught cheating too

@Iconoclast

This one in particular, I never thought of having a conversation. He comes from a pretty religious family, and he sure knows its wrong. He is also not the kind that will listen to a good word of advice, rather the kind who will try to justify or downplay anything he does.

I had actually wrote about him in a thread few years ago. This one was about him.

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/relationships/308818-naricisstic-personalities-relationships.html

Sounds like you knew that your advice would fall on deaf ears.
I can see why you may have decided against speaking to him.

I think I would still have gone on record…but that’s me and my experience speaking.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: One of my friend caught cheating too

Doctors also are supposed to have empathy and sympathy, which you didn't show to his wife at all. You basically told her this is all her own fault and it's her problem, too bad so sad.

That's a mean response.

I'd have 1) not admitted I knew anything and 2) told her that she has your full support if she needs anything, offer your wife to give her some company and be there for the kids.

You should not assist this guy in any way possible. Let him deal with his own blunders and sins now.

[Iconoclast]

Re: One of my friend caught cheating too

@PyariCgudia

Doctors also are supposed to have empathy and sympathy, which you didn't show to his wife at all. You basically told her this is all her own fault and it's her problem, too bad so sad.

That's a mean response.

I'd have 1) not admitted I knew anything and 2) told her that she has your full support if she needs anything, offer your wife to give her some company and be there for the kids.

You should not assist this guy in any way possible. Let him deal with his own blunders and sins now.

I did not tell her that it was her fault, I did tell her that he was always like this and people rarely don't change after marriage, so she should have expected it would happen.

And for your other suggestion, not a good idea, she carries a resentment towards him, rightly so, but that will spill over to anyone related to ex.

[GlobalGal]

Re: One of my friend caught cheating too

The wife if told by someone that her hubby is cheating on her never believes it. I've never see her believe it. If the woman that the hubby is going after tells his wife that he is being unfaithful even then the wife never believes her. If the woman he is after tells his friend to make him stop, the friend sadly has no effect on the hubby that has such a warped sense of what is right and what is wrong for so long.

They usually are very well versed in telling really believable lies to the spouse.

It has to be something that the wife has to see with her own eyes to pull the blinders off her eyes.

There are red flags before the whole wedding thing happens but the spouse rarely wants to see those red flags. Even if a spouse is warned pre-marriage, she rarely, has second thoughts. I'm not judging just going by what I've seen.

Even after finding out, they are forgiven or given a second chance.