Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
What Slims said, if she was such a good friend why would that be so hard to say and how hard is to avoid people at certain times when you don’t want to talk to them 
Block them or do what the poster above me says
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
This one remains intact as if I was single.
As for not giving a damn. Its a valid assessment of how I feel. I have my wife, she is my focus. I worry about her concerns and what bothers her. Why should the affairs of another woman be an issue of my concern, ones I should sort out or give advice upon? There were never any romantic feelings on either of our ends. We have been friends for a long time and this dynamic of pulling back happened when i dated other women. For some reason it hasn't happened when I got married.
Okay while I understand your feelings and situation - I disagree with how you're dealing with them. The conversations remain intact as if you were single because she isn't thinking your marital status would change who you are as a person. You're still her good friend and she can still count on you. That may not be the wisest approach but its how she's thinking it seems.
As for the affairs of another woman becoming your concern...you sound cold and harsh. She is your FRIEND. Not another woman. It seems as if you resent her almost and don't want to have anything more to do with her now that you're married. When you're really just friends with someone - its rare that you want to cut ties with people once you're married. You may back off a bit but I don't see people changing how they view their friends altogether.
So, there's more to this than meets the eye buddy.
Boy you women are nosy. The chat application is open so I can speak to my siblings, my work colleagues, my friends, there are a few dozen people who would need to get in touch with me. So I am logged in. Those conversations are also not an incessant level of pings that don't stop.
Basically you ladies are implying to avoid talking to one woman I should avoid everybody else and who may need to speak to me. That I should change my interactions with a large number of my friends to accommodate the unjustifiable actions of another woman.
Again, its a friend right? Your posts keep calling her another woman - almost like she's a threat to your marriage. Its just strange.
And as for chatting. I have many chat apps on my phone. Someone messaging me a bazillion times doesn't mean I am required to respond. I respond when I can and that's all there is to it.
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
^double like!
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
Marry her
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
So with the exception of one person telling me to talk it out straight with her, the rest of you either wish to change my personal communication methods, imply I am having a relationship with her, I like the attention or I am hiding stuff. Correct?
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
So with the exception of one person telling me to talk it out straight with her, the rest of you either wish to change my personal communication methods, imply I am having a relationship with her, I like the attention or I am hiding stuff. Correct?
No one is saying you're having a relationship with her but I do think you're blowing her topic way out of proportion which seems odd if you're just friends.
You don't consider her much of a friend - I am going off of the vibe and language in your posts. I don't refer to a guy friend as "that other man" to be quite frank with you.
If you don't like her friendship - discontinue it. But don't make it seem as if she is trying to do something she probably isn't.
Princess 1983-
I have found that most guys see their female friends as potential spouses. That might not be the case here but you correctly pointed out that the female friend did serve a purpose that the wife is now. The thing is most people crave close relationships so when they are single, they are in relationships/friendships that meet those needs for emotional intimacy.
OP-
You know this woman more than any of us do. You’ll have to figure out if you nonchalantly tell her that there just aren’t enough hours in a day to do things like before if things will blow up. With some people a nonchalant statement is an adequate reminder that she needs to give you your space. Personally, the avoid tactic seems hurtful to me. I would rather hear that I am stepping on someone toes than someone avoiding me all together.
I’m a progressive but I do not like the idea of women spending one on one time with my husband outside of work. It’s got nothing to do with trust or being traditional.
No one-on-one time with female friends, meaning in person, phone, or chat. Your friend may be more understanding once she realizes what she is doing. Let her know.
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
I guess I’m in the minority here, but I think you guys are being unfair on him.
Not every interaction with men/women has to be romantic/sexual in nature..it just isnt. Unless Zafra says that they once had that kind of “potential” relationship…I wouldn’t be quick to jump to that conclusion.
Also, sometimes you jsut get sick of people who endlessly complain about the same thing over and over again–has nothing to do with a non-platonic friendship. It IS cold and harsh but…its not always rainbows and butterflies…that moves us along. :hinna: (cookie to whoever gets that 
)
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
Okay I assumed you were both in the same country so my bad for not asking.
Also I never assumed you met up in secret. I was assuming you were college buddies in the same area and your friend ain’t found the one yet and you have and it’s taking it’s toll on the friendship.
Okay well if you cannot speak face-to-face then I still think you need to have an honest warts-n-all conversation and explain that you put on here; you don’t think your friendship should mean she offloads on you and just because you are online you have the time for her.
Honesty is the best policy.
Personally I don’t know how I would feel about my husband having a female friend he chats to etc etc so I cannot comment.
Maybe you need to be cruel to be kind. If your friend won’t take the hint when you put it to her bluntly perhaps you can block her on your talk app for a few days/weeks and see how it goes.
I am indeed giving OP the benefit of the doubt. I know there’s folk on here saying his wording would mean there is more than meets the eye which maybe so; however the dude seems more concern with spending time with the Mrs so I can’t really judge on the situ.
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
u got a very girly nick.
anyways, back to your concern: ignore here. you will eventually learn that she brings negativity in your surroundings.
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
She's your friend you should be able to just tell her that you can't talk to her all the time and whatever else is bothering you. As a friend she should respect your privacy and understand.
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
Actually quite a few are. Some deem there is more than meets the eye and others stated I liked the attention. Its an interesting to see how people see a simple problem and twist it into some sort of perverse dilemma.
And again you are reading too much into my text. I never used the term other woman. I said another one on the first page with reference to the issue of me not giving a damn. I have a wife. Now her concerns are my priority. The worries of my female friends are not priority and I do not need to concern myself over those matters.
The second time I used the term another woman was to show the absurdity of hhttp://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/605552-once-married-whats-the-appropriate-level-of-intimacy-with-female-friends-2.htmlalf the claims here. Most of the women would never tell their husbands to change all their patterns of communication to just avoid one female who was incessantly bothering him. Would you? Would you ask your husband (I assume you are married) something similar?
And no not all guys see female friends as potential spouses or potential girlfriends. That is just absurd.
Oh yes I already told her a day or two ago. Haven’t spoken to her since then. Rather she has not spoken to me since then. So yup. That is that.
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
You "don't give a damn" yet you are spending way too much time over this issue. Generally, when people don't give a damn about something they just ignore it and move along. No biggie.
People have stated that over and over. Ignore her. She will get the hint. You don't HAVE to pay attention to her messages or reply to her. Or just block her as your contact. Simple. You will appear offline to her so she won't be able to constantly send you messages.
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
Your right, I would not be okay with my husbands old friends still messaging him nonstop and assuming he has all the time for them. On the other hand, if you and your wife have a mutual understanding of this then maybe she isn’t worried about this person because it isnt that hard to ignore somebody blowing up your inbox. You simply just dont respond, and every few days (once a week or two) just respond randomly and say, hey sorry wife and I have been really busy over the past couple of weeks. Simple as that. I have even had a hard time keeping in touch with some of my single friends from back home because quite honestly, our problems now are just different and I don’t relate to them as much as I used to when I was single and at the same time, I prefer to not vent to them about my marriage because it leads to people judging you and your marriage for no reason, things get blown out of proportion as always in desi fashion.
First of all, I also agree, people jumping down your throat about having feelings for this person or your cold for being blunt is silly. My husband also has friends that are girls but as our marriage has gotten older he has also lost touch because its natural when you make a lifestyle change, marriage brings this unexpectedly. Just ignore her, it cant be that hard, its online. And as for your wife not being bothered by it, WHY is that bothering you, are you looking for her to be jealous? Maybe you’ve shown to her that your also annoyed by this friends messaging that you’ve unknowingly given her peace of mind about and shes simply not the jealous type (TRUST ME, thats a good thing!) and not because it gives you freedom but because shes confident enough in your relationship to not be. Be careful what you wish for (not that I think your wishing for her to be jealous, but just saying.) Just turn your volume off, it can’t be THAT hard, or better yet, put your wife in front of the computer if she has the time.
I also think its pretty weird that your friend is still messaging you after your married about her problems, I had guy friends too (no, nothing romantic!) and I would never imagine sitting there on chat messaging them about my daily problems ALL the time. I find that a little strange, she should be more aware of that, no? If its so diar for her to get it out to you, then she should be able to say it to your wife too, so why dont you tell her to talk to your wife because you simply dont have the right advice coming from a guy… see what Im trying to say?
oh. and my last thing…i dont think you should say anything at all…because THAT definitely screams out attention and drama (and doing that, would make you the drama queen in the scenario which is totally unnecessary for someone whose married and doesn’t have time for this stuff anyway.) just saying.
do as one who really doesn’t care would do…IGNORE. its something we need to start conditioning into our desi mentalities more.
how much does she even message you? like once a week type thing (because thats not THAT bad and YOU are totally a drama queen if thats the case. or like everyday, everytime she comes online? im trying to understand whats excessive?
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
but I am curious...what kind of problems can someone have to simply feel THAT much of a need to have to talk, that she has to blow up your chat? does she not have other friends? it sounds weird to me ...
Re: Once married whats the appropriate level of intimacy with female friends?
Having friends of the opposite gender is not permissible in Islam. You should terninate these friendships. May Allah make it easy.